Issues with in-laws?

suejb2

“Of course (grandchild’s name) can come to church ......as long as you pick him/her up take to church and bring home!” That makes three journeys for them
“Grandchild can come and visit when you’v cleaned up”

paddy's_mum

The 'issue' is not with the in laws. It is with your husband.

chesky

paddy's_mum wrote: »

The 'issue' is not with the in laws. It is with your husband.

That's quite true. If you knew he would back you 100%, you wouldn't have a problem. You could even leave all the discussions to him, knowing he wouldn't let anything happen that you didn't agree with.

It sounds as though he isn't ready to be a father anyway. I wouldn't win any housekeeping prizes but the situation you describe sounds pretty dreadful and most dads wouldn't think of allowing a baby to be subjected to it.

And it must have gotten twenty years or so worse since he was a child.

rach_k

If your husband is working on his ability to say no and you're not even pregnant yet, I wouldn't discuss it with them. Just mumble something non-committal - we'll see, maybe, mmm hmm, let's talk about it when the baby arrives...

I know people often think that you should nip things in the bud but your OH clearly isn't there yet and you don't actually need to deal with it now so give him time to work on it. What difference does it make? You can choose not to let it bother you too much - you know the child won't be going to their house or their church. If they think otherwise, that's their problem. Argue about it nearer the time and just keep quiet for now.

Also, I think a lot of people make plans when expecting a baby that go out of the window later. Whether it's the clothes or nappies the kid will wear, the way you'll feed them, who can babysit and where, screen time, discipline... everything really - things change. Sometimes parents-to-be fully expect to be happy to leave a child with babysitters and then just can't do it, or the other way round. Even you don't know yet what your choices will be, so they really can't hold you to anything you do or don't say now.

Claddagh_Noir

Thank God or should I say, thank science for The Pill. When my other half and I thought we wanted kids, he had a discussion on the names. He said he didn't think his parents would like the names. I said 'I am having kids with you, not your parents, they are not the Royal Family' :rotfl::rotfl:

Doodles

"My husband's mother has made it clear that she expects the child to be christened and to attend her church every Sunday (about a 2 hour round trip for us). I refused when she said, but my husband is now being guilted into saying yes by both his parents."


You have more of a problem with your husband than your inlaws in my opinion. Having kids brings on stress in ways you can't imagine right now, so if he is so under the thumb of his parents still then that problem will be multiplied once you start having babies.

He needs to stand up and say to them that you have no idea if you will christen or not, and any church going (if at all) will be decided by you both as and when you choose. You need an assertive and supportive partner here.

ska_lover

Your husband needs to learn how to become a man, before considering becoming a father


He is still a boy. Who will do what his parents want - and put his parents wishes above his own, and yours

He is far from ready to be a Dad

Delay having a child.

z1a

sheramber wrote: »

Take a stance rather than trying to reason or argue.

If she mentions it just reply 'that will not be happening.'
No more discussion.

My son does not believe in religion and has said he is leaving it up to his son to decide for himself when he is older.

That was our reasoning with our 2, non of us are at all religious and we decided to let them make their own minds up. At ages now of 21 & 15, they show no interest in being Christened.
I was Christened by not particularly religious parents, think it was just the done thing 50 odd years ago. If I could be "UnChristened" I would be, don't think there's any need for religion these days.

Sea_Shell

Sounds like they are the sort to threaten to disown him if he doesn't side with them.

Is he prepared to walk away from them if they do? Will he put you and your future family first? Or will you always play 2nd fiddle to his family?

Gavin83

Pops158 wrote: »

I've discussed it with my husband, and he is seeing a therapist at the moment as he would like help with his inability to say no, but I do feel his parents are taking advantage of knowing hell never say no to them?

To be honest it sounds like you might have taken advantage of his inability to say no in the past so it does seem a bit hypocritical to be complaining about his parents now.

None the less I wouldn’t be bringing a baby into the world until you two can agree on how to raise it. Otherwise it’ll just lead to problems and arguments down the road.