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Change of name - reaction of parents

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  • Alter_ego
    Alter_ego Posts: 3,842 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Tell her it's only temporary.
    I am not a cat (But my friend is)
  • Dymphna60
    Dymphna60 Posts: 196 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    Mums , even 88 year old ones have a right to be angry if they want.
  • trailingspouse
    trailingspouse Posts: 4,042 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Roll up roll up, pick a name any name.


    You have had five different names.
    Has mum I right to be mardy about it? Probably not. Can you understand why she probably has something to say...yes I can.
    You mum's frsutration is probably from the fact that you sound quite unstable. Your parents are worried because the five name changes are the result of quite a rocky road so far. I wouldn't be too concerned, but parents will always worry.


    Unstable?? Careful there. Remember, my husband left me. I was married to my first husband for 20 years, and with my second husband for another 20 years. I'm the one that's holding it all together, helping his kids through it, dealing with all the fall out, probably having to sell the house I love. Believe me, I'm the rock in this scenario, not the rocky road.



    No - a bit of worry from my mother would be quite nice. What I've got is anger.
    No longer a spouse, or trailing, but MSE won't allow me to change my username...
  • Flugelhorn
    Flugelhorn Posts: 7,451 Forumite
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    It's a total nightmare!!


    If I had my time over again, I wouldn't have changed my name on marriage. But that was then and this is now!!

    I never did - much simpler, though at the time that caused some grief amongst the parental generation (same age as yours) ... who incidentally do seem to think it is OK to be very opinionated in these things when it is really none of their business.

    You chose the name you like now - that is the important thing
  • System
    System Posts: 178,374 Community Admin
    10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    edited 3 July 2019 at 10:28AM
    Unstable?? Careful there. Remember, my husband left me. I was married to my first husband for 20 years, and with my second husband for another 20 years. I'm the one that's holding it all together, helping his kids through it, dealing with all the fall out, probably having to sell the house I love. Believe me, I'm the rock in this scenario, not the rocky road.


    No, I can't remember and can't be careful, your post doesn't mention anything about it.

    I think I've touched a nerve here but I'm sticking with my original thought. You being the rock or not the rock doesn't actually address the rocky journey I allude to. You becoming the rock as a result of a rocky journey is commendable, but it doesn't for one minute suggest the journey didn't happen. Your parents will be worried, of course they will, mine would be to.

    Your name change is the updated label of your life's journey; a document if you will of things that did not go so well. A document of decisions for all to see that didn't work out. I see that and your parents will also see that.


    P.s. no one is blaming you here, so don't take it so personal.
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • Flugelhorn
    Flugelhorn Posts: 7,451 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Dymphna60 wrote: »
    Mums , even 88 year old ones have a right to be angry if they want.

    I don't think this is true - I had an 88 year old mum who always thought she should have the last word and her wishes were what counted - I hated as a 60 year old being told what to do. Made me recognise that people are individuals and things like this (changing names) are none of their business
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
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    Dymphna60 wrote: »
    Mums , even 88 year old ones have a right to be angry if they want.

    I would hope that any parent would respect their adult child's decision in such matters.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,374 Community Admin
    10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Mojisola wrote: »
    I would hope that any parent would respect their adult child's decision in such matters.


    There's a difference between respect and agreement though. Respecting a descision is allowing a decision to stand and agreeing to disagree if needs be. Nowhere in respecting a decision is the need for the person to agree or be happy about it OR be quiet about it. To stifle comment on the grounds of not wanting to hear someone's opinion is censorship.
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • Dymphna60
    Dymphna60 Posts: 196 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    What you feel and what you do are not the same thing. Nobody can tell someone else what to feel.
    My child likes tattoos I don’t. She’s an adult can choose to cover herself in them and I can choose not to like them.
    For some posters to say Mum is not allowed to feel angry sounds wrong to me . OP can change her name as often as she likes mum can feel whatever emotion about it as she likes .
    It would of course be better if mum could explain why she feels angry.
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 36,495 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Dymphna60 wrote: »
    Mums , even 88 year old ones have a right to be angry if they want.

    They can be angry if they want to. And the OP also has the right to not react to it or go along with their wishes.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
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