Change of name - reaction of parents

ska_lover

I feel your mum is having a real overreaction to this, and nevertheless, it is a done deal, so dont waste time worrying about it

oystercatcher

I can totally understand why you have chosen as you have. I am now twice married , use current husbands surname but I do feel I have lost my identity somewhat and prefer to just use my first name when I can as that has always been the same and is who I am ! Hopefully this will be my final surname now! :rotfl:

One of my DIL has just kept her birth surname on marriage and once used to the idea it seems so sensible .This is normal in her culture as well as for professional reasons. That is who she is , always, just as men keep their name all their life (usually) .


Hopefully once over the shock your parents will accept your change, at least you are using names they chose for you , just not all of them !

Marvel1

Your life, your name, none of their business what you choose.

unforeseen

I bet you have fun when you have to fill in a form asking for previous surnames.

onomatopoeia99

Did your mother have issues with "Trailing C" following your first divorce, or is it just "Trailing E" that's causing problems? If the latter, why?

trailingspouse

unforeseen wrote: »

I bet you have fun when you have to fill in a form asking for previous surnames.

It's a total nightmare!!


If I had my time over again, I wouldn't have changed my name on marriage. But that was then and this is now!!

trailingspouse

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Did your mother have issues with "Trailing C" following your first divorce, or is it just "Trailing E" that's causing problems? If the latter, why?

Yes, just the latter. And the 'why?' is what I don't understand. I genuinely think she would have found it easier if I'd stuck with the name of my ex-husband - in fact I think she wouldn't have even noticed or thought anything about it. In her world women take their husband's name and that's that.



The more I think about it, the more I think she struggles with the idea of me actually doing the choosing, rather than just passively accepting what society (in her view) deems to be 'normal'.



But that might explain surprise, but it doesn't explain actual anger.

Mojisola

trailingspouse wrote: »

In her world women take their husband's name and that's that.

The more I think about it, the more I think she struggles with the idea of me actually doing the choosing, rather than just passively accepting what society (in her view) deems to be 'normal'.

But that might explain surprise, but it doesn't explain actual anger.

In these situations, the anger often comes from resentment that people now have the freedom to make their own decisions and the angry person didn't.

elsien

Artytarty wrote: »

I can sort if see your mothers point.
To outsiders it looks like a rejection of your own parents.
Sorry to be blunt and I realise that was not your intention.

We have a distant relative by marriage who did the same, in her case it was a deliberate rejection of her mother in favour of her grandmother.
Didn't help that she also keeps changing her first name, we never know what to call her and she takes great offence if you go for the wrong one!

Nope, to this outsider it doesn't look at all like a rejection of the parents.
Your reasons are your own - parent kept her married name after divorce because she didn't want her children to have a different surname to her, aunt changed hers because she wanted total separation from the ex.
Just carry on explaining your reasons and give them time. It's your name, you can pick what you like.

System

Roll up roll up, pick a name any name.


You have had five different names.
Has mum I right to be mardy about it? Probably not. Can you understand why she probably has something to say...yes I can.
You mum's frsutration is probably from the fact that you sound quite unstable. Your parents are worried because the five name changes are the result of quite a rocky road so far. I wouldn't be too concerned, but parents will always worry.