It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts!!!!

Albermarle

MarzipanCrumble said:

I too am astounded at the sibling (usually) 'me,me, me' on the 'Death & Probates Board'.  Luckily, although not in any way close, we three managed to negotiate our parents' demise quite affably.  I was the black sheep but my brother stood up for me so I got my third share.  

However it's back burner is I am now def in the IHT band.

When you read these things, and then also some of the awful stories on the debt and bankruptcy forum, it puts 'arguing' about safe withdrawal rates, investment strategies, how much you spend on holidays etc. into some perspective......

bluenose1

Before  my dad died last year he asked my sister and I to give his longstanding girlfriend who he did not live with a third of his estate, which wasn’t much but he did own a small flat. It was not written into his Will but he knew he could trust us to do it,  I itemised everything and we gave her exactly a third. We weren’t close and haven’t seen her since the funeral but felt obliged to follow my dad’s wishes, glad I did. 

There is likely to be some friction in my extended family soon as my cousins argue about my aunts estate, glad that I am well out of it. Money does terrible things to people unfortunately, older people can sometimes be so manipulated and it can all  be very hurtful.

Sea_Shell

Update on the YBS issue...

I haven't received any correspondence from them as yet, BUT, it does appear that the mention of "no further withdrawals" has been removed.   So that's good.   But will be interesting if they offer anything else as a good will gesture!   

Bravepants

bluenose1 said:

Before  my dad died last year he asked my sister and I to give his longstanding girlfriend who he did not live with a third of his estate, which wasn’t much but he did own a small flat. It was not written into his Will but he knew he could trust us to do it,  I itemised everything and we gave her exactly a third. We weren’t close and haven’t seen her since the funeral but felt obliged to follow my dad’s wishes, glad I did. 

There is likely to be some friction in my extended family soon as my cousins argue about my aunts estate, glad that I am well out of it. Money does terrible things to people unfortunately, older people can sometimes be so manipulated and it can all  be very hurtful.

Indeed, I think this is the case with my partner's father. A sick vulnerable old man being circled by a son like some sort of Grim Vulture.

Watty1

Sadly it works the other way too.  I see my partners mother threatening to re-write her will every 6 months often telling him he is a dreadful son.  Honestly i think he is an awesome son, he pops in to see her a couple of times every week, calls her almost daily on his way home from work, visits every other week for lunch on his day off, drops everything to help her out and yet for her it is not enough.  We have discussed it and he has no expectation that she will leave him anything because that is what she keeps threatening.

She recently told him she had decided to leave him the house and that would have to be enough.  Honestly my response would have been that that would hardly encourage me to choose the best care home as the house will likely be taken to pay her care, but, he just smiles and says she can be grumpy because she is old.

At a lunch a couple of years ago she told me she was going to leave a lot to his ex because she was so nice and could be trusted to always look after his disabled sister who lives in sheltered accommodation.   I simply said all the talk of leaving things was rather manipulative in my opinion and one couldn't place conditions like that on anyone as who knows what might happen, adding the ex might up and move to another part of the world.

If she were my mother there would be a firm talking to along the lines of I don't give a **** what you leave but try to be nicer when I visit and remember you could pay people to do the jobs you expect me to do for free!   I would probably add remember I will select your care home simply because I'm exasperated with the old lady and her ways but she is not my mother so I smile and listen and try very hard to keep quiet.

Bravepants

Watty1 said:

Sadly it works the other way too.  I see my partners mother threatening to re-write her will every 6 months often telling him he is a dreadful son.  Honestly i think he is an awesome son, he pops in to see her a couple of times every week, calls her almost daily on his way home from work, visits every other week for lunch on his day off, drops everything to help her out and yet for her it is not enough.  We have discussed it and he has no expectation that she will leave him anything because that is what she keeps threatening.

She recently told him she had decided to leave him the house and that would have to be enough.  Honestly my response would have been that that would hardly encourage me to choose the best care home as the house will likely be taken to pay her care, but, he just smiles and says she can be grumpy because she is old.

At a lunch a couple of years ago she told me she was going to leave a lot to his ex because she was so nice and could be trusted to always look after his disabled sister who lives in sheltered accommodation.   I simply said all the talk of leaving things was rather manipulative in my opinion and one couldn't place conditions like that on anyone as who knows what might happen, adding the ex might up and move to another part of the world.

If she were my mother there would be a firm talking to along the lines of I don't give a **** what you leave but try to be nicer when I visit and remember you could pay people to do the jobs you expect me to do for free!   I would probably add remember I will select your care home simply because I'm exasperated with the old lady and her ways but she is not my mother so I smile and listen and try very hard to keep quiet.

Yes, sadly I've been on the end of this one. Old people seem to be very narrow minded and short sighted - like they have a one track mind about money, manipulation and it's OK to emotionally abuse relatives.It's such a cliche! And yes the house got spent on the care home, which didn't bother me in the slightest.

Cornish_mum

I agree SheShell regarding it being terribly sad the effect inheritance has in some families. I have also been at the sharp end on two occasions and although it was very hard, I worked to overcome my emotional response, and move on & maintain relationships. It was made all the easier that we didn’t need the money to survive (which was partly why it was decided that I shouldn’t receive a equal share, which felt rather like a punishment for being prudent at the time). 

barnstar2077

Sea_Shell said:

It saddens me to read of so many stories of families at war over their "nuts". 

The family and probate boards have such stories almost on a daily basis.     Stubborn siblings, outright theft, dodgy wills...the list goes on. 

So, for me, that's another big part of being FIRE, in that you're not reliant on anyone else funding you, either in life or in death.   If you do get anything, it's a bonus.   

If you're disinherited, it might hurt, but you can get on with life and leave the others to it.  Or if things get too ugly you can just walk away and leave them to it.  

Without going into too much detail, I am likely to end up on the wrong end of one of these stories (and to some extent I already have), but knowing that I am able to financially rise above such things is a comfort, almost as much as the retirement itself.

The emotional side of it is much harder. 

The mess that is going to be created when my father passes is bordering upon biblical! :  )

When I was very young he left the family home and had a new child with another woman (that he eventually ended up cheating on of course.)  He stopped spending time with his own family and spent all of his money and time on my new half sibling and his new partner.
  Of my three siblings, One can do no wrong and is all he ever talks about, one he doesn't like very much, and one has been fleecing him for money over the years by guilt tripping him about our childhood.  As for me, I have stayed at arms length and have always been very independent (by necessity.)  Nor do I share his ambiguous moral compass, so I do not spend much time with him at all.
  He has already said that some of us will be disappointed when he passes.  This could be because the one he doesn't like doesn't want the one who has been fleecing him to get as much money as her, or it could be because everything is going to be left to the golden child.  I have told him to spend all of his money now and enjoy himself while he still can (Personally, I would rather he spend it all than he left it all to the golden child.)

Then, there is the women he is currently seeing behind his partners back, one of which he is funding until her kids leave school and the other is married (They are the two that I know about anyway.)  Is he leaving them money?  I don't know, but he has told me not to let any of the women sit together at his funeral.

He is now in his late seventies and quite frankly you could write a TV show about his life and the mess that will be created when he passes!

Sea_Shell

I can definitely relate to the feeling of being "punished for being prudent", even when they don't know quite how prudent!! 😉


Families eh!! ☹️

Sea_Shell

Another music question 😉

Anyone here listen to Simon Mayo on GHR, especially on Fridays?

What is the music playing in the background, just after he plays the Muppet Song? (which is about 5.10pm I think)

We hear it every week and can't pin it down.

It's not the tequila song or the Fleetwood Mac one.

Cheers in advance fellow squirrellers.