think my husbands cheating.can you advise or help me please?

serah1

Nealallen
I understand what you're saying but i just need to know for sure.
Thats all.

floss2

Do you think you could ask him to leave, if somebody was there with you, maybe your sister? Would you be able to pack for him & have his cases at the bottom of the stairs when he gets home from work? And would you be strong enough to tell him why, when he asks?

That may be the catalyst he needs to either sort his act out & go to counselling to rescue your marriage, or to move out.

Gale_10

Well you could put chilli pepper in his underpants and let him think he has caught a STI, see if he confesses.

Realistically though, if your name is on the tenancy, then you can just ask him to leave.

I think what I would do is this:

1. Speak to a solicitor openly and honestly about what is going on and take their advice. Obviously this could cost a fair bit, but lots of solicitors do first session free, look in your local area.

2. Go to womens aid website with using the link in floss2s post. Find out what support is in your area.

3. Get all the financial stuff sorted, let everyone know that he is leaving the house so you get housing benefit started (because that always takes ages) and tax credits for your daughter.

4. Phone the local constabulary, and tell them that you are going to get your husband to leave, and you are very frightened of him. Make sure they know that he is violent and that you are at risk of that violence. Then when you phone them, they will already be on the alert.

5. Providing that this doesn't go against the advice from other agencies, I would have the locks changed while he is out. When he comes home, don't open the door just tell him to leave. I would have his clothes and possessions outside the door as well, neatly packed away for him.

I appreciate that he will shout and scream but the moment you feel you have anything to fear from him you phone the police. I mean that, because when a woman leaves a violent man, she is most at risk when she kicks him out. That is the time when he is most likely to do damage to you, your daughter, the house, anything. After the police have taken him away, you may be able to get a restraining order on him. Your solicitor will be able to advise you of that.

One more thing - if you stay with him you are giving your daughter the message that its ok for men to treat women the way your OH treats you. Not good. That is why you need to get him out.

Keep posting, we will give you as much support as we can do on here.

Keep your chin up and keep yourself and your daughter safe.

Gale

benb76

Do you want to catch him red handed?? If so, then next time you get a chance with his phone, reprogramme the number he has stored for 'Tree' to your phone number, then wait until he sends his next text.

timberflake

Is it not just best to confront him, tell him you've not been happy and tell him its over. If you're scared of his reaction ask your sister to be there.

I think some of the people who have replied here have been a little harsh and quick to draw an opinion that he is a cheating, abbusive, a*sehole without being in full possesion of the facts.

Its sounds to me that one of the biggest reasons your relationship is breaking down is because you don't communicate. Even when it comes to something as serious as this you'd rather do anything else to get rid of him other than TALK to him.

You need to sit him down and tell him its over if thats what you really want. Be firm but fair.

tosca5

It is very difficult to confront and communicate with someone who has a temper, and possibly violent.
Him not being interested in the baby and he'd rather go out to the pub, his temper and you sound a little afraid of him, i'd chuck him out. The house in your name, why should you leave. I'm glad you have your sister there for support, be strong and take care of yourself and the baby. No-one is worth the torment you are now going through.
As mentioned above, if you do want to find out, re-programme the number to your mobile.

candygirl

tosca5 wrote: »

It is very difficult to confront and communicate with someone who has a temper, and possibly violent.
Him not being interested in the baby and he'd rather go out to the pub, his temper and you sound a little afraid of him, i'd chuck him out. The house in your name, why should you leave. I'm glad you have your sister there for support, be strong and take care of yourself and the baby. No-one is worth the torment you are now going through.
As mentioned above, if you do want to find out, re-programme the number to your mobile.

Soz to be dense, i'm a technophobe, so how does this work?

timberflake

tosca5 wrote: »

It is very difficult to confront and communicate with someone who has a temper, and possibly violent.
Him not being interested in the baby and he'd rather go out to the pub, his temper and you sound a little afraid of him, i'd chuck him out. The house in your name, why should you leave. I'm glad you have your sister there for support, be strong and take care of yourself and the baby. No-one is worth the torment you are now going through.
As mentioned above, if you do want to find out, re-programme the number to your mobile.

And what happens if you change the number and he's totally innocent?? You can't just go accusing people without solid facts. I thought my gf was cheating on me so installed a keylogger onto the home PC and gained access to her Myspace account where I found emails of her arranging to meet some bloke for a weekend away. You need something like that, not just "I think he's cheating because he's always got his phone near him".

timberflake

candygirl wrote: »

[/b]
Soz to be dense, i'm a technophobe, so how does this work?

Easy, edit the number on his phone so that when he texts/rings it next it comes through to her phone. Totally out of line IMHO

ckerrd

If you want proof - and I know someone who did this - hire an investigation agency.

They followed the bloke everywhere, took photos, gave the wife a detailed dossier which she then confronted him with.

He had violent tendencies too, so she had friends sitting in the other room when she showed him the evidence.

If it is all just suspicion and you want out of the marriage then you will have to talk to him and tell him this