think my husbands cheating.can you advise or help me please?

serah1

I have been lurking on here for a while but now i feel like i need your help and advice.
I'm married and been together for about 7 years. In summer 2005 we had a baby and things have been bad since.
I am not happy and I want to leave him but he's got a temper on him and I dont know how to tell him.
But now I think that he's got a girlfried. He wont let his fone out of his site these days.And sometimes he wont anser it which is not normal for him.On the weekend when he dozed off i got the chance and went threw it to see if i could find out whats going on.There was a name thats not a proper name like 'Tree' and its been called loads.I decided to call it and the anserfone was for a lady.I called a few times and when she ansered i pretended it was a wrong number.
I decided to check again last night and she had called him 1st thing in the morning and again in the evening.I told my sister and she said we should call her and threten her and tell her we know everything. I dont know what to do. I dont want to do that cos I dont want him back if he wants to be with her thats fine. At least it would give me an 'excuse' to leave him.But also if he finds out I been threw his fone he'll be real angry with me.
Is there a way I can find out for sure? I think if i call her and ask her whats going on for sure she'll probalby tell him and then thats going to cause me problems with him.And i dont want him to know that I may have an idea of whats going on. I dont have money for a privet detective or anything like that. Do you have any advice or experince to help me?
And sorry for the speling mistakes as well.

pinkshoes

I think the first thing you need to do is communicate with your husband.

It seems from what you've written that your reasons for wanting to leave him are only because of his suspicious behaviour, which you don't know if he's up to no good, nor have you discussed it with him.

You need to sit down with him, talk to him, and ask him the questions you want answers to i.e. why is he behaving suspiciously, what's on his phone that he doesn't want you to see. (you don't have to tell him you've already seen it, so maybe don't scream "you're lying" if he doesn't mention the tree thing...), and ask him if he still loves you and wants to be with you.

Be honest with him. Relationships require communication!

Maybe he felt pushed out by the baby?! i.e. you're giving time you would have spent with him with the baby! Men are strange creatures sometimes, and can get jealous over odd things!

Fran

Hi serah1,

I would concentrate your efforts on how to leave him or rather get him to leave you so you don't have to move. As you don't want him anyway I don't think you should waste your energy on playing detective but how you are going to manage in the future.

'A temper on him'.... this sounds like domestic violence, you can get help or just advice from Women's Aid on how to go about things.

Good luck.

serah1

Hi pink shoes and thank you.
We have been having lots and lots of other problesm that i didnt go into. Hes not interested in the baby.He doesnt like doing family things.Hes always out with his mates.We have had blazin rows very often but my confidence is low and deep down im like a robot just functioning.
I cant tell him i seen the fone he'll be fuming and i havent got energy to cope with that.

candygirl

Get rid of him asap!!Even without the potential cheating he sounds like an abusive idiot who can only make your life even worse if you stay with him:mad: .I did the same when my daughter was a baby, and it was the best thing I ever did:D

serah1

Fran wrote: »

Hi serah1,

rather get him to leave you so you don't have to move. As you don't want him anyway .Good luck.

Thanks Fran

You are right

I know that i'll be ok like money side of things but i know he wont go without a fight.thats what im trying to avoid.the house tenencey's in my name hes not on it anyway.

My sister is my main help and support so im ok there but we cant think of how to get him to leave. Knowing fact about her could help me use that as a tool..

floss2

Don't worry about your spellings - it's an emotional time.

Do you have anywhere to go if you left?
Do you have any money to pay rent on a flat for you & the little one?
Do you work?

I don't think telling this woman that "you know everything" is a good idea - you probably don't and this could cause the situation to explode.

I would suggest quietly letting him get on with it, effectively "giving him enough rope to hang himself" and secretly arrange your life to carry on without him.

By this I mean open a bank account in your name, have the child benefit & any wages & tax credit paid into that, maybe put any spare housekeeping in there too.

Look into flats near to your work or family, so you know how much you need to have put by for a deposit - would your family be able to help you with that?

Most important of all, don't let on that you've been looking at his phone or that you think he's seeing someone else, especially if he has a temper. Have you ever been in touch with Women's Aid? They may be able to help you to set up on your own. Take a look at www.womensaid.org.uk


:grouphug:


Love Floss xx

candygirl

floss2 wrote: »

Don't worry about your spellings - it's an emotional time.

Do you have anywhere to go if you left?
Do you have any money to pay rent on a flat for you & the little one?
Do you work?

I don't think telling this woman that "you know everything" is a good idea - you probably don't and this could cause the situation to explode.

I would suggest quietly letting him get on with it, effectively "giving him enough rope to hang himself" and secretly arrange your life to carry on without him.

By this I mean open a bank account in your name, have the child benefit & any wages & tax credit paid into that, maybe put any spare housekeeping in there too.

Look into flats near to your work or family, so you know how much you need to have put by for a deposit - would your family be able to help you with that?

Most important of all, don't let on that you've been looking at his phone or that you think he's seeing someone else, especially if he has a temper. Have you ever been in touch with Women's Aid? They may be able to help you to set up on your own. Take a look at www.womensaid.org.uk


:grouphug:


Love Floss xx

Great advice Floss.Love the smiley at the end too:rotfl: :rotfl:

floss2

Oops, just read the other posts!

Floss xx

serah1

floss2 wrote: »

Don't worry about your spellings - it's an emotional time.

Do you have anywhere to go if you left?
Do you have any money to pay rent on a flat for you & the little one?
Do you work?

I would suggest quietly letting him get on with it, effectively "giving him enough rope to hang himself" and secretly arrange your life to carry on without him.

By this I mean open a bank account in your name, have the child benefit & any wages & tax credit paid into that, maybe put any spare housekeeping in there too.


:grouphug:
Love Floss xx

Thanku floss:
Yes i do have work and i have sAvings that he doesnt know about as well.Not much but something little.I dont want to leave cos i have put everything into the house and was mine anyway before he came along so..
He says he still loves me but i dont believ him now especially since this happend.I just want to tell him to go and that if i was able to prove that hes seeing this girl then hed not have a leg to stand on at all.

nealallen

Bin him right now, if you're affraid of him because he has a temper, then that's good enough reason to boot him out.

As someone else said, don't waste your time playing detective, it won't help.

Good luck to you hun