I pay for nearly everything!!

Candyapple

There seem to be so many bad relationships in MSE land and so many women who have must have ‘mug’ tattooed on their foreheads.

OP you might want to read this thread below, this could be you one day if you allow things to continue. Ironically I saw on another thread that that the OP of said thread has chosen to stick her head in the sand yet again and is carrying on full steam with buying another property with him...

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6004968/equity-boyfriend-new-house-argument

Forumnewbie1 wrote: »

He's so secretive with everything and never wants to tell me anything about his finances whatsoever

Forumnewbie1 wrote: »

Trying to get him to discuss financial matters is like trying to get blood out of a stone. He will walk away if the subject arises.

Aside from the fact he is mugging you off by only paying such a minimal amount, this right here would have been enough for me to call it quits. Why is he keeping secrets in a relationship especially when it comes to money? And talk about passive aggressive. Walking away if you bring up the subject - is he 5? And yet you married him......

Forumnewbie1 wrote: »

My husband has a really low income job and in the 7 years I've known him has never tried to find a better paid job

Sod that for a game of soldiers. He chooses not to better himself because he doesn’t need any more money to put towards things because he has you funding his lifestyle. Your partner is a ponce. Just wait for the near future when he decides to quit his job altogether because it’s taking up too much of his valuable time and the £100 per week to you stops as well or he argues ways to reduce it down to something silly like £10 per week.

Forumnewbie1 wrote: »

My husband has two of his own houses that are rented out (one with a mortgage and one without) yet he is in debt considerably (approx £20 - £30K).

Given he pays you such a small amount of money, why is he in so much debt – do you know? I'm guessing you probably have no idea....

Forumnewbie1 wrote: »

Because of his bad debt he cant get any credit so I have a mobile contract in my name for him, the money of which he is meant to give me monthly but never does!

LOL, you are sounding more and more alike to the woman in the link I posted!

Can I ask, what do you get out of this relationship? Is he fantastic in bed? Does he cook, clean and makes you want for nothing? What is it? Because for the life of me, I can’t see why any self-respecting woman would put up with such foolish nonsense for so long.

chelseablue

Forumnewbie1 wrote: »

Trying to get him to discuss financial matters is like trying to get blood out of a stone. He will walk away if the subject arises. Because of his bad debt he cant get any credit so I have a mobile contract in my name for him, the money of which he is meant to give me monthly but never does!

A first step you can take is to cancel it as soon as the contract is up. Up to him then to get a pay as you go mobile if he's unable to get a contract

chesky

chelseablue wrote: »

A first step you can take is to cancel it as soon as the contract is up. Up to him then to get a pay as you go mobile if he's unable to get a contract

If he's as mean as we all seem to think, he'll probably deduct the cost from the £100.

Stoke

BAFE wrote: »

Divorce him. You'll get half of all the assets plus you won't have to support another grown adult who only gives you £100 a week.

Wow...... what a delightful character you are. Nothing like wrecking a marriage and stitching up a guy, without any understanding of his circumstances, eh?

Before you start thinking about how much you can pocket in a divorce perhaps consider resolving this in an amicable way. If you married him, you love him..... right? If you don't love him anymore, then well, at that point start looking at the options.

I would have a make or break discussion at this point. Ultimatum time. No walking away. No secrecy. Sit down, on the table..... or things will change. You make that clear to him. The gravy train is up for him.

If he's got two houses you want to know exactly why he hasn't got a pot to **** in.... because there's a fair chance he has more money than he's letting on. £100 a week is nowhere near enough. I paid my mum and dad more than that 10 years ago when living at home, I was working in McDonald's. If he has more money, you want to know why he's been mugging you off for several years. In fact, what you really want is an over-contribution for a while to redress that balance a little bit. If he is still cagey about what's going on behind the scenes, then you have to wonder what kind of guy he is.

If you go about it in that way, I'm sure you will get the result you want.

Kentish_Dave wrote: »

It does seem that there is a very different response depending on which sex is writing these stories, with people being far more supportive of a kept woman than a kept man.

OP, partners have for centuries supported spouses, many of whom do not work at all, and only a few decades back your situation would be pretty much the norm if the roles were reversed.

If you don’t like it then you of course need to have a proper conversation about what comes next, but it’s still not unheard of for there to be only one earner in a family, even if there are no children.

Yeah it was entirely fine when I paid for absolutely everything in my highly volatile relationship because reasons. It was also considered acceptable behaviour that despite me owning 80% of my house, she should ask for 50/50.... she didn't get it, because I protected myself legally.... Swap them roles eh?

consumers_revenge

I suspect the reason hes being so secretive and so tight is hes actually really well off and doesnt want you to know.

Tightwads are like that!

unholyangel

Stoke wrote: »

Wow...... what a delightful character you are. Nothing like wrecking a marriage and stitching up a guy, without any understanding of his circumstances, eh?


Yeah it was entirely fine when I paid for absolutely everything in my highly volatile relationship because reasons. It was also considered acceptable behaviour that despite me owning 80% of my house, she should ask for 50/50.... she didn't get it, because I protected myself legally.... Swap them roles eh?

I think the poster meant the comment in a tongue in cheek way - or at least, that is how I read it. I say something similar to my mum whenever my dad complains about the price of something she's bought - I'm not being serious though.

As for the latter.....I can't comment on your circumstances. But I believe posters here actually told OP it doesn't matter who's name its in, he might have a claim due to the length of their marriage and that the starting point is usually 50/50.

Stoke

unholyangel wrote: »

I think the poster meant the comment in a tongue in cheek way - or at least, that is how I read it. I say something similar to my mum whenever my dad complains about the price of something she's bought - I'm not being serious though.

As for the latter.....I can't comment on your circumstances. But I believe posters here actually told OP it doesn't matter who's name its in, he might have a claim due to the length of their marriage and that the starting point is usually 50/50.

Oh, perhaps I misunderstood. I am however, slightly tired of reading some of the generic 'man-bashing' nonsense on MSE forums. There isn't a war between the bloody sexes but reading this forum, you'd sometimes think there was.

We weren't married, so the 50/50 split rule didn't apply. In relationship breakdowns like that, it's all about what is legally documented and to some degree, what can be resolved amicably. There has to be an element of goodwill about it or you take it through the courts and you both lose.

Her choice was rather than accept the correct equity she was owed (and then some as a golden f-off), was to demand 50% and stick at that number until I had to get all solicitor'y on her.

Like I said though, every situation is different. I think if an amicable solution can be reached, that's always the better option. I'm aware that's not always possible.

[Deleted User]

You are married so you are not protecting your assets by paying the mortgage by yourself. If you get divorced he will legally be entitled to a share of the equity despite putting nothing in. Mortgage aside why isn't he paying for half the council tax, half the utilities, etc? That makes no sense.

You've really made a rod for your own back here.

PrettyKittyKat

I can understand him not contributing towards your mortgage, as you want to protect your asset however there is no reason to him not contributing towards bills. Does the £100 per week cover his 50% towards gas,electric, council tax, tv licence, sky (if you have it), internet, water etc as well as the food? He is using all of these so should contribute too!

Also any activities you do, holidays, meal outs etc he should also be paying towards (maybe not 50/50 but SOMETHING, all couples work this differently).

However, the secret behaviour and reluctance to address the debt would be my main concern. You are married so he should be open about his finances and for you to tackle it together. He may have been in an unhappy relationship in the past whereby finances were the route of arguments maybe, which makes him reluctant to discuss them now but in turn is actually making the situation worse!

I think the only way you can move forward is to force him to sit down and understand the seriousness of your feelings and how this is potentially going to ruin your relationship. Reassure him that being open and honest and starting with a clean sheet will enable you to assess what is happening and put a (fair) plan in place moving forward. If he isn't willing to do that then I personally would question his commitment to the relationship but that is for you to decide when you look at the bigger picture (ie other parts of your relationship!)

However, the sec

Kentish_Dave

silverwhistle wrote: »

KD, you've completely missed the point. Partners support those who need it, not those who own more than they do. In a relationship there should be openness on both sides, which there doesn't appear to be here.

You're the one who has brought gender into it.

Yes, I did bring gender in, as I noted that in posts where the roles are reversed opinions differ.

You are wrong, by the way, to say that partners only support those who need it; I’ve friends who choose to have only one of them working, and need has nothing to do with it.

You should not assume the whole world is like your group of friends, it rarely is.