I pay for nearly everything!!

Kentish_Dave

It does seem that there is a very different response depending on which sex is writing these stories, with people being far more supportive of a kept woman than a kept man.

OP, partners have for centuries supported spouses, many of whom do not work at all, and only a few decades back your situation would be pretty much the norm if the roles were reversed.

If you don’t like it then you of course need to have a proper conversation about what comes next, but it’s still not unheard of for there to be only one earner in a family, even if there are no children.

silverwhistle

KD, you've completely missed the point. Partners support those who need it, not those who own more than they do. In a relationship there should be openness on both sides, which there doesn't appear to be here.



You're the one who has brought gender into it.

Gycraig

You seem to be "playing the game" but poorly. You don't want him getting a share in your house so charge 100 quid a week not for mortgage or the bills but for "food" 100 quid a week is excessive for food

You have completely separate financial arrangements yet feel you can tell him what to do with his money / assets while not wanting him anywhere near yours.

What do you actually want ? How much do you think he should be paying and what would it be to cover, the whole relationship seems unbalanced he lives in your house paying next to nothing because you don't want him getting a stake in your house while he is taking in a tidy profit off his rented houses that he doesn't have to live in because he lives in your property.

Forumnewbie1

Trying to get him to discuss financial matters is like trying to get blood out of a stone. He will walk away if the subject arises. Because of his bad debt he cant get any credit so I have a mobile contract in my name for him, the money of which he is meant to give me monthly but never does!

Doodles

I don't think you are being unfair. It sounds an unreasonable and unbalanced arrangement and over the course of the last few years the resentment has built up.

Doesn't sound like you are enjoying life right now.

Every couple will arrange their finances in a different way, but there has to some sort of fairness applied.

Sounds like he is taking you for a mug. For a first step, tell him you are cancelling the mobile contract, that arrangement doesn't work for you. He can go a pay as you go deal if he is desperate for a phone.

Do you want to continue like this for the rest of your life?

You need to have a chat with him, but beforehand do some calculations about what you believe would be fair. If he won't talk to you, then you need to state this is a deal breaker for you. I hope it can be worked out.

BrassicWoman

Forumnewbie1 wrote: »

Trying to get him to discuss financial matters is like trying to get blood out of a stone. He will walk away if the subject arises. Because of his bad debt he cant get any credit so I have a mobile contract in my name for him, the money of which he is meant to give me monthly but never does!

So cancel it. PAYG won't kill him.

Seanymph

Imbalance doesn't work long term in relationships in my experience. I get the man/woman argument brought up earlier - my husband worked more than I did for a while there (and has always earnt more) but then he didn't have to drop everything at 10am and go pick up a sick child........ or do every dentist/hospital/doctors/school assembly/play - I could go on.

He put value onto what I was providing for the family and my workload was no less than his!

This isn't a gender difference, it's a basic imbalance.

OP your husband is clearly not on top of finances, he's shown you that - he has no reason to change. You are financially incompatible. Now either you both move towards a joint resolution, or you don't. And it looks from what you are putting that he won't.

I have to say that there were times when I was younger when my drive to stay with a partner would have made me accept poor terms - I don't any longer.

Only you can say whether or not you will remain with this man-child, but I suspect posting on here gives you your answer.

trailingspouse

I think the issue has nothing to do with how many houses he owns, or what his income is.

The secretiveness and not wanting to talk would be the deal breaker for me.



There could be all sorts of reasons why he's being secretive - and most of them aren't good.

Janey3

Tell him you will no longer be funding his mobile phone contract and do just that. Plenty of online pre loaded accounts he can use to pay it himself.

paddy's_mum

trailingspouse wrote: »

There could be all sorts of reasons why he's being secretive - and most of them aren't good.

Seconded, with bells on!

OP - why did his first marriage break up - what she says not what he might chose to [STRIKE]conceal[/STRIKE][STRIKE]imagine[/STRIKE] tell you.

Clearly this present situation cannot be allowed to continue as you will simply end up hating one another and be able to salvage nothing.

Good luck.