Snooping OH’s banking - gambling, loans

onomatopoeia99

Greengiraffe wrote: »

Pleasures are all good and well but we have children that need fed, clothed and housed.

And presumably also need their mother not to be imprisoned for two years for a criminal offence.

Greengiraffe

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

And presumably also need their mother not to be imprisoned for two years for a criminal offence.

There’s no criminal offence but thanks for the concern 👍
He’s the one who violated his banking terms and conditions by giving me his login details and PIN.

motorguy

tehone wrote: »

Maybe he's sold them an advertising hoarding space on the side of your house

The 2 real issues here though are
1) Your snooping
2) His addiction

You both to to work on these issues before you hurt each other any more

"Trust but verify", as Ronald Reagan used to say.

If i was about to marry an addict i'd be verifying too.

motorguy

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

And presumably also need their mother not to be imprisoned for two years for a criminal offence.

I think you need to get over yourself.

motorguy

Greengiraffe wrote: »

Pleasures are all good and well but we have children that need fed, clothed and housed. I can’t ignore that amount of money being spent on things other than our family.

I'm with you on this O/P.

Your partner has a problem, you need him to be frank and open about his finances right now, before you commit to marriage.

I dont think thats unreasonable based on your suspicions.

Ignore the "snooping" comments - trust, but verify.

Its your life he could ruin too.

Greengiraffe

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

And presumably also need their mother not to be imprisoned for two years for a criminal offence.

motorguy wrote: »

"Trust but verify", as Ronald Reagan used to say.

If i was about to marry an addict i'd be verifying too.

This is it exactly. I don’t feel good for looking but I noticed the tell tale signs...spending a lot of time on his phone, the little kerching noise when he transfers from one account to another. If I pretend nothings happening I’ll feel worse and it allows him to spiral into a bad place. I don’t want that. He is my other half and we have a life together and need to address this issue.

Mr.Generous

If he'd got £2k in any legitimate way he'd have told you. I'm afraid your probably right, loan and gambling.

paddy's_mum

I've had a husband take us deeply into debt, behind my back, and covering up all the way.

Checking up for the safety of yourself and your child/ren and potentially the roof over your heads when you have genuine and ample reason for doubt is not snooping.

It's called self preservation and, incidentally, nations and governments all round the world do it for the safety of their citizens. MI5 and Border Force anyone?

DUTR

Greengiraffe wrote: »

Pleasures are all good and well but we have children that need fed, clothed and housed. I can’t ignore that amount of money being spent on things other than our family.

Are those needs being met before the gambling though?
It's all about balance.

Greengiraffe

DUTR wrote: »

Are those needs being met before the gambling though?
It's all about balance.

I do without to ensure my children don’t have to.
So I guess it depends whether you think his need to gamble trumps my need for lunch or my need for clothing without holes 🤷🏻!♀️