Relocate or not

74jax

If you don't always get on with your sister then will you even get to see the newborn enough to make the bond with your children and their cousin? Does your sister want this bond?
Yes family is important but your kids and husband are your immediate family too.
Would your husband visit your family all the time too, does he want too?
If you move up there and end up just visiting one a fortnight, id consider staying where you are and just you visiting once every 3 weeks initially to see if this bond you want for the kids develops and take it from there.

iksbedd

180 miles each way

iksbedd

74jax wrote: »

If you don't always get on with your sister then will you even get to see the newborn enough to make the bond with your children and their cousin? Does your sister want this bond?
Yes family is important but your kids and husband are your immediate family too.
Would your husband visit your family all the time too, does he want too?
If you move up there and end up just visiting one a fortnight, id consider staying where you are and just you visiting once every 3 weeks initially to see if this bond you want for the kids develops and take it from there.

Yes, I believe she does. The intention would be to see my mum every weekend and include her in days out etc. It's not just the sitting round at each others houses though, it's the little trips out/meals out etc - not big occasion stuff but the things I miss.

We wouldn't move in time for the birth anyway, she's due in a month and I have 3 months notice to work.

ska_lover

Cons, less money, less stability potentially unhappy kids, unhappy husband.

It is a tricky one OP, with the above said, the only person that may be happy is you - but when you have all of the above (cons) weighing on you, it may well reduce your own happiness. It is impossible to be happy when our kids are not (and husbands too

I really don't know. I do sympathise though. My parents live a long way away, (their choice) and relationships do change, no more popping round for a cuppa cos you have a spare hour/day to day contact. It is very hard to deal with. I can see why you want this.

Thinking long term - (this sounds awful but) what when your Mum does die? Will you still have the same feelings about your home town? You have already had to endure the death of one parent from afar. Does your sister provide support to your Mum - Will you need to do the same? Will support and care be expected of you if you live nearer

It is extremely hard to provide support / care for someone whilst working full time, trust me

This sounds selfish I realise, but points of consideration nonetheless - as to how relationships and expectations may change should you live in the same town

ska_lover

iksbedd wrote: »

180 miles each way

Gosh that is a big trawl isn't it!

My parents are about 150

iksbedd

ska_lover wrote: »

Cons, less money, less stability potentially unhappy kids, unhappy husband.

It is a tricky one OP, with the above said, the only person that may be happy is you - but when you have all of the above (cons) weighing on you, it may well reduce your own happiness. It is impossible to be happy when our kids are not (and husbands too

I really don't know. I do sympathise though. My parents live a long way away, (their choice) and relationships do change, no more popping round for a cuppa cos you have a spare hour/day to day contact. It is very hard to deal with. I can see why you want this.

Thinking long term - (this sounds awful but) what when your Mum does die? Will you still have the same feelings about your home town? You have already had to endure the death of one parent from afar. Does your sister provide support to your Mum - Will you need to do the same? Will support and care be expected of you if you live nearer

It is extremely hard to provide support / care for someone whilst working full time, trust me

This sounds selfish I realise, but points of consideration nonetheless - as to how relationships and expectations may change should you live in the same town

This is what I need to read though, thank you.

My sister does help out with my mum a lot, this will dwindle now she's having a baby. I guess I feel I should pull my weight too, but you're right, I'll be working full time.

Thank you for food for thought.

Fizzy11

I’m from Hampshire/Berkshire & OH is from S Wales we relocated to Cheshire 35 years ago & never regretted it. Sometimes you have to make decisions that are hard in the short time but better long term. Your husband will get a job even if it’s not perfect straight away. Think of all you can give to children that’s not measured in financial terms by being nearer family. Plus N Wales coast on your doorstep. My sister lives in Surrey & we’re shocked by the traffic every time we venture down south.

bouicca21

I’ll go against the flow. If you want to see your mother more, make the effort. Why should your homesickness/depression weigh more than the potential disruption to your lives, potential homesickness of OH and his difficulty in making a new circle of friends, let alone getting a job? What about his family?

OTOH the children will soon settle as school will give them a peer group automatically.

theoretica

People do move - and move again. If you move up to Cheshire you aren't fixed there for ever more if it doesn't work out - moving back in the other direction would be perfectly possible in future.

elsien

iksbedd wrote: »

Not straight away, no.

He's reluctant to move, I'll be honest. Surrey is all he has even known in his 39 years.

But, we have nothing keeping us here really - literally no family. At the end of the day, isn't it family that matters?

Not necessarily, no.
You are also relocating from friends and social support networks. And personally there are some friends who are more important to me than one close(in blood) relative.

You are moving to be closer to your family, but where does your husband's family and other important people in his life fit into this - is he moving away from them so you can be closer to yours?