Relocate or not

iksbedd

To set the scene:

Lived in Cheshire for 25 years of my life.
Moved to Surrey 13 years ago to be with now husband.
Have had the same job all that time (2 lots of maternity leave) and am now quite senior and on a good wage. Husband works part time at the kids school (total income is around £83k)
Kids are 7 and 4 and are in a good local school.
Our link detached 3 bed house is worth around £500k, mortgage is around £235k.

My mum still lives in Cheshire. My sister also does and is expecting her first child. We have no family at all in Surrey.

I am homesick. I have a job offer in Cheshire which means a pay cut to £50k (husband has no job lined up)

We are looking at houses (4 bed detached) for £400k tops. I have found kids places at schools as good as the one they are at now.

I am delaying over accepting the job offer/resigning. I am petrified of making the whole decision and ruining my families lives - kids and hubby. What if they don't like it up there?

Pros are nearer to family, easier for them to get onto property ladder when older, fewer people and cars, colder:rotfl:

Cons are less money, less stability. Potentially unhappy kids.

I'm not sure if it's just that I don't have the b**ls to actually do something brave, or if deep inside I know this is a stupid idea. But then I think when my mum dies, I'll feel awful having decided not to move closer to her. The guilt.

Help me.

k3lvc

I've done most of it albeit to Yorkshire - I was lucky to retain same role albeit without London Weighting and with more complicated travel - and I don't regret a moment of it. Our kids were same age and when we compare with their peers we absolutely made the right choice.


Kids are resilient - skype etc makes life easier over distance but they'll gain new friends


If we want to go to London for w/e it's 2hrs by train/3½ by car and we enjoy the trips more than battling with the south on a regular basis


My advice - JFDI - lifes too short

iksbedd

Thank you.

When you say compare to your kids peers, what differences do you notice?

chesky

What does your other half think about the move? Does he think he'll be able to find a similar role there?

k3lvc

Language/accent
Time spent travelling to/from school
Friendliness
Desire to do outdoor stuff vs sitting behind screen

Many of these will depend on exactly where you're moving from/to but for us from Surrey (inside M25) to suburbs of a Yorkshire city there's a noticeable change in how they are vs what they could have been

Bear in mind it's my personal view and a massive generalisation based on my kids vs 10-12 of their peers that we're still in touch with

iksbedd

Not straight away, no.

He's reluctant to move, I'll be honest. Surrey is all he has even known in his 39 years.

But, we have nothing keeping us here really - literally no family. At the end of the day, isn't it family that matters?

DigForVictory

Unless your husband is onside with this, you will find every wet day is your personal fault.

Lay it all out for him, so he can see the likely benefits against the probable risks & join you in an informed & not wholly-emotion-driven decision.
Surrey to Cheshire is a hike, but it's not impossible.
How well do you get on with sister & would your children have any interest in the new baby? (your 3 year old might)

I'm Southern born & migrated North & have no regrets other than the long drives lugging grouchy teens to see my parents but you are still in a good place time-wise to give the whole family time to warm to the idea. (Learning through example that parents are to be cherished is good, just never let them hear you doubting!)

Just the job offer that's dictating timing at the minute, & that will not help your cause.

Doodles

How long have you felt homesick for? for all the 13 years that you have been in Surrey?


Or if just recently, why do you think that might be?

And is your husband up for the move?

iksbedd

DigForVictory wrote: »

Unless your husband is onside with this, you will find every wet day is your personal fault.

Lay it all out for him, so he can see the likely benefits against the probable risks & join you in an informed & not wholly-emotion-driven decision.
Surrey to Cheshire is a hike, but it's not impossible.
How well do you get on with sister & would your children have any interest in the new baby? (your 3 year old might)

I'm Southern born & migrated North & have no regrets other than the long drives lugging grouchy teens to see my parents but you are still in a good place time-wise to give the whole family time to warm to the idea. (Learning through example that parents are to be cherished is good, just never let them hear you doubting!)

Just the job offer that's dictating timing at the minute, & that will not help your cause.

These are wise words. My husband is struggling to see the pros of the move, but does say if roles were reversed, he'd move in a flash. I also do know that any bad days/experiences up there will be my fault - this is partly why I am doubting it.

Me and my sister don't always get along grandly, but I want to be part of my nephew's life, and want the kids to grow up close to their cousin, rather than miles away and being strangers.

I agree about showing the children the importance of family. I keep coming back to the day my mum dies and I'll know and regret for the rest of my life not spending those last few years closer to her, basically because of fear and money.

iksbedd

Doodles wrote: »

How long have you felt homesick for? for all the 13 years that you have been in Surrey?


Or if just recently, why do you think that might be?

And is your husband up for the move?

I'd say last 6 years; since my Dad died.

Smellyonion

You will as total be worse off in the short term if your husband does not find a job soon.


With 265k equity towards your new house at £400k, your new mortgage will be £135k, the monthly mortgage payments should be 60% of the current levels (you may even receive a better LTV).