Objective opinion, giving an 80 year old some home truths

MissPickle

Mojisola wrote: »

It can be very therapeutic to put these feelings on paper - but I wouldn't advise sending her the letter.

Write it all down and then burn the letter and let your bitterness go.

Rather than letting you have the last word, telling her how you feel would hand more power over to her.

Just stop making contact with her and block her number - start to live your life for yourself and your family.

Ahhh yeah, this is very true.
Op needs to heed your warning.

I used to be a letter writer.
No good comes of it.
Really wish I'd had you there telling me to burn those letters

Still... you live & learn, it was many years ago

hayabslee0

This is all very good advice. The point on writing, and then burning a letter is a good one. I have to admit, writing a letter was quite high on my priorities (if only to make myself feel better), but you're all right in that it wouldn't bother her, and instead make me feel worse in the long run.

Cornucopia

I have moved this thread to the Marriage, Relationships & Families Board.

hayabslee0

Thanks! Sorry for putting it in the wrong place to start with!

maman

You've been phoning her every week as you think it's the right thing to do. I'd extend that a step further and keep your views to yourself. I don't think that whatever you said would change the views of your uncle or your nan but I wouldn't sink to their level and start engaging in nasty recriminations however true they may be.

I'm so pleased to hear that your house move has worked out well for you and your family. You've made a new life. Enjoy it.:)

It's up to you whether you continue with these 'duty' phone calls. If you'd feel better not speaking to her then stop. She's made it clear that she doesn't really want to be part of your new life so no one would blame you if you stopped getting in touch. Who knows, she might call you if you don't call her. You could try it and see. If she calls then tell her what you've told us that you didn't think she wanted to keep in touch, visit you etc.

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Deleted User]

I'd just stop contact with her period. It'll leave her guessing if nothing else.

Sea_Shell

I know how tempting it can be to "give it to them with both barrels", but I doubt you'd feel better afterwards.

As others have advised, cease contact and let them contact you if they want to.

Live and enjoy your life and family.

suejb2

I feel this is becoming a mantra for me! Do what you have control over , and that’s you.
You have no control over your nans actions or words but you do have over your own. You moved away physically now time move away emotionally. Stop all contact.
You said moving away was for the best for you and your family I believe moving way from contacting her will prove to be just as beneficial.

Doodles

It's understandable that you feel the way you do. Sometimes nice people who do the 'right thing' (like you) get walked all over and forgotten about. Given your nan's treatment of others over the years too, she doesn't sound like she was ever grateful for anything you did.

Part of your anger will actually be at yourself, for delaying plans for yourself and your family over someone who, at the end of the day, didn't really care about you as much as you believed.

Is it you that is making every phonecall? If so, just drop it. Do you think she would make the effort to call you if she doesn't hear from you for a while?

If I am honest and I was in your shoes, if she did ring to ask why you've not rung, then I would be tempted to say that you are saddened by how she has treated you, and your children are hurt by her behaviour. You might feel better getting that off your chest, but what if she says something back that riles you up? Might make you feel worse, knowing she just didn't get it, or apologise.


So just stopping contact altogether is probably the best way forward.

hayabslee0

Doodles wrote: »

Part of your anger will actually be at yourself, for delaying plans for yourself and your family over someone who, at the end of the day, didn't really care about you as much as you believed..

Nail on head there, I think. Part of my anger / bitterness towards the whole situation is how I believe she should be "happy" for me and my kids that we've enhanced our lives.