Very unhappy teen DD

green_cloth

HI all,

I would really appreciate your advice.

My daughter who is 15 is having ongoing issues with her 'friends' at school. They are going out as a group and not inviting her and organising parties again without any invite. She is starting the put on quite a bit weight and is generally feeling really sad and lonely.
She sits with these people at lunch as she does not have the confidence to sit with others (worried that they may do the same) and it is really affecting her self esteem. Most nights she is in tears and feels so betrayed and pushed out.


DD now going to finish school next year and is going to complete her A levels at college to meet other people and start again.


I'm sure others have experienced this, any advice please?

Comms69

Clubs - great way to meet new people.

Mojisola

green_cloth wrote: »

My daughter who is 15 is having ongoing issues with her 'friends' at school. They are going out as a group and not inviting her and organising parties again without any invite.

She sits with these people at lunch as she does not have the confidence to sit with others

It's a very hard lesson to learn but these 'friends' aren't her friends and they don't want her company.

Has she got any interests outside school? Could she join a new club that would boost her self-esteem?

She needs to get to the place where she can say "if they don't want my company, I don't want theirs".

Exodi

I've always felt powerless to stop things like this (and bullying).

Going to college to meet new people sounds like it will help but aside from comforting her when she's at home I'm not sure what else you can do.

Children can be cruel unfortunately, especially at that age.

onwards&upwards

Poor kid, school can be tough, if she ditches these girls it might get made into a huge ‘thing’ and cause her even more stress!

Maybe a good plan is to make better friends outside school that she has interests in common with. Then she can do things with them and not invite the mean girls.

gettingtheresometime

Girls, I think, can be vile to each other can't they.


One of the hardest things in the world is to walk into a room full of people that she doesn't know but it will be a valuable life skill that will serve her well.


The question is how does she get to that place.


She probably is feeling a little s****y about the weight gain as well so would it be worth you and her joining some sort of (edit for clarity) exercise class ....perhaps you could sell it as her doing you a favour by going along with you ? if she enjoys it then perhaps you could back off so it's her place.


I'd also think about suggesting to her that she comes off social media - I've no doubt that the 'friends' are organising stuff this way deliberately. Get her to turn off notifications for things like whatsapp (if she can't bear the thought of actually deleting the app) and you can stop seeing posts off them on facebook. That way they think she is seeing these posts but in reality isn't.


As for clubs etc what about volunteering? Does she like animals - what about volunteering with an organisation like the cinnamon trust?


The one crumb of comfort for her is that once she does leave school & go to college there will be a wider group of people for her to socialise with....it's just getting to that may be troublesome.

onwards&upwards

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

She probably is feeling a little s****y about the weight gain as well so would it be worth you and her joining some sort of class ....perhaps you could sell it as her doing you a favour by going along with you ? if she enjoys it then perhaps you could back off so it's her place.

If you mean a slimming class please please don’t take a teenage girl to one of these, you could start her on a lifetime of issues around food and weight, she’ll also see straight through it and realise her mum thinks she’s fat too.

Just make only really healthy wholesome meals at home.

Comms69

onwards&upwards wrote: »

If you mean a slimming class please please don’t take a teenage girl to one of these, you could start her on a lifetime of issues around food and weight, she’ll also see straight through it and realise her mum thinks she’s fat too.

Just make only really healthy wholesome meals at home.

I know that eating disorders are particularly common amongst girls, but wanting to maintain a healthy weight and boost ones ego doesn't mean that she will definitely develop a disorder.

PasturesNew

Have a word with her teachers to see if they can give any suggestions of who might be in need of friends, but is shy/reserved. Maybe a teacher or two "on board" might be able to facilitate her becoming closer to others by making them sit together, or pushing them together in group activities or something.

As it is, you have no idea of the other personalities in the class/es, but the teachers know who is who, who is alone, who is trouble - and might have some suggestions of better friends that you can then work on/engineer.

gettingtheresometime

onwards&upwards wrote: »

If you mean a slimming class please please don’t take a teenage girl to one of these, you could start her on a lifetime of issues around food and weight, she’ll also see straight through it and realise her mum thinks she’s fat too.

Just make only really healthy wholesome meals at home.

No I meant an exercise class....get the old natural adrenalin flowing

onwards&upwards

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

No I meant an exercise class....get the old natural adrenalin flowing

That’s definitely better!

A fun sport that’s about enjoying it as much as exercise is even better though, tennis, swimming, joining a team etc.