Very unhappy teen DD

cheeky-peach

I remember having a similar problem, i was 14 at the time and at an all girls school; it was awful. !!!!!y, horrible and I dreaded it every day. I wouldn't recommend (based on my experience) single sex schools. Anyway, it got so unbearable that I moved schools and now, 16 years later, I'm still friends with my 'new' school friends, who were a mix of boys and girls. Not saying that this is the answer, but it does get better with age and maturity.

gettingtheresometime

cheeky-peach wrote: »

I remember having a similar problem, i was 14 at the time and at an all girls school; it was awful. !!!!!y, horrible and I dreaded it every day. I wouldn't recommend (based on my experience) single sex schools. Anyway, it got so unbearable that I moved schools and now, 16 years later, I'm still friends with my 'new' school friends, who were a mix of boys and girls. Not saying that this is the answer, but it does get better with age and maturity.

My son used to go for some 6th form classes in a girl's school and I asked him afterwards what he'd learnt about girls from his time there.

"They're as b1tchy as hell" came the reply.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Always worth pointing out to unhappy teens that they have to spend 12 plus years in the company of people solely because they were born around the same time in the same area. Once they leave school they have much more freedom in the choice of people they spend time with (and a much wider and more varied pool).


Very easy to feel that the rest of your life will be like school when you're stuck there.

[Deleted User]

I've been where your daughter is OP and it's not nice. I was lucky in that I played a sport outside of school so I had friends there and I played in the school orchestra which meant I could avoid the coven some lunch times as well. I was also able to leave after 5th year to go to university (Scotland) because I don't think I could have stuck another year with them. Once I left it was someone else in the group's turn to be excluded. I know it's horrible being excluded and if your daughter can find other things to occupy her time then she will stop noticing and hopefully caring that her "friends" are not inviting her along to things.

chickonwheels

When I was her age I could not deal with girls insecurities, so I played with boys. Yes, boys eventually were after one thing (we all know what that is lol) but if you put them in their place they can be friends for life and much better friends than some girls would ever be.Good luck and hope she finds her way xx

jennywren21

My dd has had similar problems, same age as your daughter and currently doing her GCSEs.

We’ve encouraged her to volunteer at a local charity shop since the age of 14 and now she’s volunteering at a local charity who work with special needs children and she loves it. The volunteers are mixed ages 16 upwards and are all of a similar mindset and want to help other people instead of !!!!!ing about each other.

It’s giving her the opportunity to mix with different people out of school and making her feel good about herself as she’s getting praised by the leaders for doing a good job. In turn this giving her confidence to approach new volunteers and talk to them which will hopefully lead to striking up new friendships.

She’s also joined army cadets as she knows one of the girls who goes and in turn this is helping her to gain confidence away from the school environment.

She does have a friend at school but this girl uses her, leaves her out if she gets a better offer and likes to put dd down at every opportunity so encouraging dd to do things out of school has worked for her.

We’ve also used a Cbt therapist for dd which has really helped her to see that it’s not her with the problem it’s others and how to deal with the different scenarios that she thinks will happen but often don’t happen. I don’t know if this is something you are able to consider doing from a financial perspective.

Hopefully September will be a fresh start at higher education for them both.

Good luck xx

hazyjo

tbh I'm not sure it gets much better as you get older lol. I'm very lucky to have a few groups of very close friends. But those people I'm 'forced' to be with, such as work friends, can be b!tchy or nasty like your DD's 'friends'. I was meant to be out recently with two of them but a film wasn't showing at two of the cinemas we'd looked at near the office - so they went to another without asking me! I'm not going to bring it up or fall out over it, but it's not the first time I've been excluded. They all went to the cafe one lunchtime and didn't ask me, despite it being at my late lunchtime of 2pm. And we're all in our 40s or 50s lol!


No point in me saying anything, because all it makes me think is that they've shown their true colours. Says far more about them than me (most others have learnt these girls are just gossipy and a bit mean about people behind their backs). Your DD needs to get her head round that and realise they're not the sort of girls she wants as close friends.


She's a good age for making new friends. Hopefully she will be able to move elsewhere soon (sixth form elsewhere, college, Uni or whatever) and make lots of new friends. Look for local classes in whatever she might like - as above, maybe sport, but I was never sporty and preferred craft things.


Online groups are great too. I met some lovely lifelong friends through the internet. Am sure she'll know to use caution!

Spendless

Yes, it became so 'fashionable' to dislike my daughter and say things to her that she started experiencing suicidal thoughts, Verbal bullying and exclusion in any other setting would be called psychological abuse. We've had to have camhs involvement, moved to another school (not ideal in yr11) have compromised GCSEs and mental health damaged. Please keep a close eye on this. Write down incidents and complain (always in writing so there's a paper trail) to the school if need be. Keep communication open with your daughter. We didn't understand what was happening because daughter didn't articulate it well. It had become so commonplace that she hadn't realised what she was experiencing.

mangog

I've been where your DD is and it's heartbreaking. My only advice is to make life outside of school as loving and 'safe' as possible. It won't fix the bullying and of course it's not the same as having friends her age, but when I think back to that period of my life the times that stand out for me are the little things my mum did to make me feel special at home. Just stuff like taking me out for lunch without my siblings but without any pressure to talk about what was going on. I knew I could talk if I needed to, but if I just wanted to ignore it all for a bit that was fine too. Or running me a bubble bath if I was sad. It was awful at the time but now those are the things that I remember, not the horrible things the other girls were saying. I think it's probably a lot harder now with social media - nowhere is 'safe' - but if you can find a way to make home a haven away from all that, I think it could really help. Good luck!