Elderly Mum (recently widowed) now dealing with money - advice.

barbiedoll

My mum is 83 and although she has been on her own for many years and so is fine with handling money and bills, she was always used to dealing with cash. Her local post office closed down and we didn’t like the thought of her having to travel into town and then coming home with a wad of cash after drawing out money to pay her bills.

Her savings are in an account held jointly with my sister and I helped her to open a current account for her pension payments, then set up direct debits for her bills. I don’t have online access to her account (Although my brother and sister both thought that I did!) and if she needs anything desperately that she can’t physically go out and purchase, one of us will pay for it and another will arrange for her to get the cash to pay it back...we’ve done this for boiler repairs, a washing machine purchase, and so on.

Obviously, this works for her and for us, because we all trust each other. I do understand though, that this isn’t the case for all families.
We’re all careful to be transparent, my sister will make sure that we all see the savings account statements, I have given the passwords and my email address to my siblings so that they can access the utility accounts, and so on (in reality, none of us bother to check, but we can if we want to)

It’s very hard, expecting the older generation to cope with cash machines, contactless and chip and pin cards, telephone and online banking and so on. It’s hard enough making sure that they are safe from phone scammers, muggers and doorstep rip-off merchants. Trying to teach them about modern banking is an uphill battle, that’s for sure!

MoneySeeker1

barbiedoll wrote: »

Obviously, this works for her and for us, because we all trust each other. I do understand though, that this isn’t the case for all families.
We’re all careful to be transparent, my sister will make sure that we all see the savings account statements, I have given the passwords and my email address to my siblings so that they can access the utility accounts, and so on (in reality, none of us bother to check, but we can if we want to)

It’s very hard, expecting the older generation to cope with cash machines, contactless and chip and pin cards, telephone and online banking and so on. It’s hard enough making sure that they are safe from phone scammers, muggers and doorstep rip-off merchants. Trying to teach them about modern banking is an uphill battle, that’s for sure!

Another example of how to do things properly. Commendable that you are also being transparent.

I know what you mean about teaching that generation about how things are done these days. I spent years trying to persuade the money manager (ie my mother) out of my parents to set up bills on direct debits (mainly in case it ever came to severe illness causing problems in paying them in a more "traditional" way) and never managed to persuade her. Events since have proved I was correct that she needed to do this - as it has come to severe illness and resultant problems.

All I've ever been able to persuade her into is that she grasped the concept of Amazon and would sometimes ask me to choose and order an item for her - and she'd then send me a cheque to pay for the item. But that's the limit of what I've been able to persuade her to do.

elsien

barbiedoll wrote: »

My mum is 83 and although she has been on her own for many years and so is fine with handling money and bills, she was always used to dealing with cash. Her local post office closed down and we didn’t like the thought of her having to travel into town and then coming home with a wad of cash after drawing out money to pay her bills.

Her savings are in an account held jointly with my sister and I helped her to open a current account for her pension payments, then set up direct debits for her bills. I don’t have online access to her account (Although my brother and sister both thought that I did!) and if she needs anything desperately that she can’t physically go out and purchase, one of us will pay for it and another will arrange for her to get the cash to pay it back...we’ve done this for boiler repairs, a washing machine purchase, and so on.

Obviously, this works for her and for us, because we all trust each other. I do understand though, that this isn’t the case for all families.
We’re all careful to be transparent, my sister will make sure that we all see the savings account statements, I have given the passwords and my email address to my siblings so that they can access the utility accounts, and so on (in reality, none of us bother to check, but we can if we want to)

It’s very hard, expecting the older generation to cope with cash machines, contactless and chip and pin cards, telephone and online banking and so on. It’s hard enough making sure that they are safe from phone scammers, muggers and doorstep rip-off merchants. Trying to teach them about modern banking is an uphill battle, that’s for sure!

Parent is 80. She successfully ran her own business for years and will happily use cash machines, contactless, switching her utilities online etc. The only thing she won't do is online banking although perfectly computer literate because she's not convinced of the security.
It's about the individual and what they're comfortable with, not about age. Being older doesn't automatically make you unable to keep track of new technologies and Cash machines have been around for long enough now that there can't be many people around who don't know how to use them.

If someone doesn't want to activate power of attorney and is still mentally capable, there's always the third party bank mandate option if the person has some things that they want you to do for them without handing out PIN numbers and potentially breaching the bank's terms and conditions.

loulou41

Yellow_mango wrote: »

Not just women...

As a woman who handles all the family finances, this thread has made me very aware that I probably should at least make sure that there is a guide or record somewhere to help my husband if anything were to happen to me. I have tried to involve me, but he’s really not interested in the day to day details

I have tried to involve my 77yrs old husband as well he is not interested. I have left written instructions and spreadsheets about our finances and direct debits for bills in a folder updated every year for him and adult children. My request to go over the files with them are declined telling me I am morbid. Power of attirne is in place if he needs help.

fudged

Many thanks to all who replied so far with your insights and experiences. Completely overwhelmed by your responses. A big thanks at this time.
I am actually going to solicitors with my only sibling to both sign on as Power Of Attorney end of this week. But is good to know what this enables me to do prior to any scenarios in the future regards my mum.
This forum is truly a great place to reach out to.

Sea_Shell

fudged wrote: »

Many thanks to all who replied so far with your insights and experiences. Completely overwhelmed by your responses. A big thanks at this time.
I am actually going to solicitors with my only sibling to both sign on as Power Of Attorney end of this week. But is good to know what this enables me to do prior to any scenarios in the future regards my mum.
This forum is truly a great place to reach out to.

Glad you're getting things sorted.

Regarding the PoA. Has your Mum already signed the paperwork that she needs to (and been witnessed) and you're just now going to sign as the appointees? Or is your Mum also going with you to the appointment?

pollypenny

Mojisola wrote: »

When Dad started to need help like this, I went on his account as a signatory - it meant I could use his account but didn't have any claim to the money as I would have had with a joint account.

That's what I did when my father went into a care home. That way I managed his finances.

I kept everything, still have it even though he died in 2003, as one sister was a money-grabber and father didn't trust her.

engineer_amy

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

Do you Grand parents own a house? If so what happens if one of them loses mental capacity and the other needs to sell to buy something more suitable, or they both lose mental capacity and the house needs to be sold to pay for care costs? What happens if your mother, through accident or illness loses capacity?

Joint accounts provide a day to day solution, but only a LPA will help for a major crisis. I would argue that as well as a will most adults should have an LPA in place.

I don't disagree with you about the LPA, its something I have mentioned to my mother on numerous occasions, both as her on behalf of her parents, and myself or one of my siblings on her behalf.
In answer to the first question, the grandparents live with my mother (with a social services carers package in place). Their house was sold when my grandfather had a debilitating stroke and my grandmother was too frail to look after them both. The proceeds of the sale are in these joint accounts and would be used as capital if residential care was ever needed, however given they are now in their 90s, it doesn't look likely they would need residential care, or at least it wouldn't be very long term. Sorry if that sounds callous in any way.
Both my brother and I know our mothers financial affairs although we don't have access to her bank accounts. we are both accountants and she asks us regularly to check on her bank statements, pension investments, utilities, insurances etc make sure nothing is amiss. I will push for her to look into an LPA just for peace of mind

Mojisola

engineer_amy wrote: »

I will push for her to look into an LPA just for peace of mind

And to save money - it's much cheaper (and quicker) to make an LPA than to have to go to Court of Protection to get the power to manage her money.

heartbreak_star

My parents always tickled me regarding technology - Dad was quite savvy with mobile phones and email and the like, but Mum loves direct debits and contactless cards and things - like me, she absolutely hates faff!

So between them they were one tech-savvy person. Dad passed away years ago, and Mum is now getting grumpy that she might have to get an internet connection back...she loves TV and wants access to box sets haha!

HBS x