Elderly Mum (recently widowed) now dealing with money - advice.

fudged

My father (83yrs) passed away recently, and was the sole financial advisor, payer, banker in the home - did everything money related with the household, paying bills etc. My mother (76yrs) had only a cash card and cheque book, until recently got a credit card.

She has not gotten on the tech train, my father did, and can't see her doing online banking or even wanting her to etc.
She still wishes to pay everything by putting a cheque in the post, and not until the last minute.

My quandry is going forward, she would wish me to now and again do the shopping or I will get items for the household that she requires - how do I get her to pay for these without it hitting my bank ,and getting her to pay me in cash or a cheque or a delay etc.

Just want to get a routine or plan in place for these kinds of situations.

eg Could I get a card for her bank account. Most likely not, but is there some easier method for transfering cash back to myself. I want to say online banking, and I would do it on her behalf but think this isn't right for security purposes - me accessing her account.

I don't want her visiting the local Post Office or bank more than she needs to.

What options would be open.


Thanks for any insights or hints.

StaffieTerrier

I have lasting power of attorney for my Mom's finances with immediate effect. This has allowed me to get a bank card for her account. It has also allowed me to deal with her other finances. e.g. sorting out a house insurance claim on her behalf. Is it something your Mother would agree to?

Keep_pedalling

The best solution is for her to set up a LPA. This will allow you to jointly handle her financial affairs now, and to take over totally should she lose the mental capacity to do so in the future.

Ideally she should appoint a second attorney should anything happen to you.

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

While you are at it sort your own LPA out they are not just for the elderly, no one knows when illness or accident may strike leaving your loved ones struggling to cope with your finances.

MoneySeeker1

I guess one possible way forward would be to get a "Power of Attorney" ??

But there is a big cautionary note to sound here. That being as to whether there are any other close relatives that should have this instead or as well (there can be more than one person appointed).

Another big cautionary note being that anyone close should be notified officially and have the chance of having 6 weeks to raise any objections in.

Final cautionary note being that any other close relatives should be kept fully informed of what is happening re your mother, eg keep accounts and share the information with close relatives (so there can't be any suspicions you are spending someone else's money as if it were your own).

The reason I found this out being that my parents have (so I've been verbally told by the person concerned only) given this "power of attorney" to someone married to another close relative. I was never officially notified. I am finding it extremely difficult to get any information out of the relative-by-marriage.

So, if you decide on this route, do do it properly/openly/etc, rather than "keeping secrets"/creating bad feeling/etc.

engineer_amy

My grandparents each have a bank account, my mother got the accounts converted to joint accounts with herself added as the second account holder (with my grandparents permission of course). it meant she was able to manage the accounts on their behalf via telephone without having to get power of attorney.
It also means that should either grandparent pass away, the account automatically passes to my mother without having to wait for probate. In this situation, my mother is an only child and the grandparents wills leave everything to my mother anyway, so it is a relatively straightforward scenario.
it may not work for other situations with multiple children/beneficiaries.

DigForVictory

Work with her, and her ways.
I'd be very very careful with a joint account as you might be accused of elder abuse & it's quite tricky to defend yourself. Much simpler to go along with her preferred ways, perhaps suggesting you take her to the cashpoint first. This month. She may not be in best state to discuss power of attorney.

I've always seen visiting the bank or post office as a healthy thing - not only does the individual get the fresh air & exercise but also social stimulation, you have another perspective on how scatty she might be getting & she has a local network of people who are used to seeing her out & about who should speak out if she goes missing.
(In a village I used to live in, the postmaster had a very robust relationship with the local police superintendent & if someone failed to collect their pension or hadn't been seen fro a couple of days, doors were knocked on by someone in uniform accompanied by the least startling senior.)

I do understand you worrying she might be mugged for her cash, but I think her having a credit card for the first time might be more risky to her financial health.

Move at the speed of the slowest in the convoy. It's frustrating but the best defence.

Keep_pedalling

MoneySeeker1 wrote: »

I guess one possible way forward would be to get a "Power of Attorney" ??

But there is a big cautionary note to sound here. That being as to whether there are any other close relatives that should have this instead or as well (there can be more than one person appointed).

Another big cautionary note being that anyone close should be notified officially and have the chance of having 6 weeks to raise any objections in.

Final cautionary note being that any other close relatives should be kept fully informed of what is happening re your mother.

The reason I found this out being that my parents have (so I've been verbally told by the person concerned only) given this "power of attorney" to someone married to another close relative. I was never officially notified. I am finding it extremely difficult to get any information out of the relative-by-marriage.

So, if you decide on this route, do do it properly/openly/etc, rather than "keeping secrets"/creating bad feeling/etc.

It is down to the donor to decide who their attorneys should be and notifying anyone else is optional and again totally down to the donor. There are situations you would not want your offspring to be involved or even simply informed, they have no automatic right to know.

Hectors_House

As a carer I’ve seen several situations where old folk have found themselves in charge of their finances with no help via a LPA.

It’s not much fun for us carers when a well-meaning family member or friend takes the old girl out and she draws out hundreds of pounds.

I’ve seen carers refuse to continue to work in a house where the client is constantly counting out hundreds and hundreds of pounds, getting confused in the process then wandering off to the toilet leaving money sitting all over the room.

It’s not long before the client mentions that there isn’t the right amount there and, of course it leaves us carers wide open to accusations of theft.

We don’t sit there polishing the silver and jewellery for this exact reason.

Your Mum will come a cropper sooner or later paying this st the last mi ute by cheque. She only has to forget a payment and we all know how quickly the letters come through the door demanding payment.

Best to try and get LPA in place if you can.

MoneySeeker1

"Elder abuse" is exactly what is there in my mind and hence urging everything to be kept open/clear/accountable/etc.

I found a good, clear article online re power of attorney.

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/setting-up-a-power-of-attorney

To quote one of the phrases they use in this:

"When you fill in the form you'll usually need to write down some friends or family members who should be told about your application. This is to give other people a chance to object - they've got 6 weeks to do it in".

Mojisola

fudged wrote: »

My mother (76yrs) had only a cash card and cheque book, until recently got a credit card.

My quandry is going forward, she would wish me to now and again do the shopping or I will get items for the household that she requires - how do I get her to pay for these without it hitting my bank ,and getting her to pay me in cash or a cheque or a delay etc.

When Dad started to need help like this, I went on his account as a signatory - it meant I could use his account but didn't have any claim to the money as I would have had with a joint account.

Keep_pedalling

MoneySeeker1 wrote: »

"Elder abuse" is exactly what is there in my mind and hence urging everything to be kept open/clear/accountable/etc.

I found a good, clear article online re power of attorney.

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/setting-up-a-power-of-attorney

To quote one of the phrases they use in this:

"When you fill in the form you'll usually need to write down some friends or family members who should be told about your application. This is to give other people a chance to object - they've got 6 weeks to do it in".

That info is out of date. The ability to inform people is totally optional, and anyone informed can still object but they only have 3 weeks to do so.

The main check as always is the certificate provider. Yes abuse happens but the risk of that has to be offset against both simplifying the process, and not forcing people to disclose personal decisions to others (including their own children)

The best prevention of abuse is making sure you put LPAs in place well before you are likely to need them.