New me New start, Pania's positive Progress!

Karmacat

Blimey, Pania, thats a lot of calculating you've done this morning, good for you! I do write down every couple of weeks where the money is and what's happening, but I don't think about the DFD date (the loan finishes in 2012 sometime, same year as my mortgage) - I have every intention of paying things off *well* before then, so I kind of ignore it. Gulp.

Good news from chev on the eye test - sock it to them!

pania

Is that eye sock it KC Sock it,,, socket... geddit.....

it's ok i was just leaving.....:rotfl:

boredofbeingathome

Thanks Pania, i know exactly what you mean About OH. I have let rip at him good style about twice since Christmas- he puts on the- "i don't know what ive done, and i'm working hard, injured dog look!" I rowed a lot with him last year as well- he copes even worse when i do that and goes from being static to frozen!! He's not the only wage earner, i still bring in a decent salary part time and is probably only a couple of hundred behind his and a i still manage to contribute, pay the bills and spend money on birthday treats. I set myself goals and targets and have found this site great for everything- I just wish he would be sensible about things.
I would find it impossible to do everything and work full time teaching and fitting in dd2 hospital appts and tests ( She has had to have ongoing stuff from birth) and he expects me to organise absolutely everything - even his own stuff. I thought that when she was diagnosed with diabetes on top of it all last year he would shoulder some of the responsibility and sort stuff out, but here we are another year down the line and stiil in same boat, me doing the organising and him doing the hard done to bit. I have tried most things with him, after 20 years you explore every avenue of communication- i think that after this year i'm all communicated out.
Thanks for the rant, i needed to get it off my chest but i don't want to seem to nasty towards him either- i know contradictory, but i suppose at the end of the day we are what we are and i will give it a bit longer and if he doesn't shape up, i will have to think of counselling or something.
Hope you are dr.evil to your company and you get your eyes tested. Thanks
Bobxxxxx

pania

Big hugs for you BOB and so sorry to hear about your daughter, that sounds like a really rubbish position to be in. Do you think he'd be receptive to councelling or would that send him further into his shell.

It is like being a mum to them sometimes isn't it, ironing shirts at stupido clock after a crap nights sleep, getting their PE kit together for the gym... :mad: maybe we should do a thelma and louise and leg it and see how long they cope!!!:rotfl:

Seriously though it can feel like banging your head against a brick wall especially when he won't communicate or change. You could always do as i have been advised and do and arrange everything that you need to do but leave everything of his to him. It would be hard and you'd need nerves of steel to do it but when he asked you could say "I don't know, that was for you to organise as it was something you wanted to do." That may make him realise.

I know it's hard but keep on keeping on, sometimes that is all we can do.

redsquirrel80

pania wrote: »

Hiya squirell, I never got an e-mail back from bingosky... very bizarre that.

oooh yes do let me know about the scanny thing, had to laugh at you playing with the checkouts too, maybe we were deprived from them as children....

sory to hear you had trouble sleeping to, i'm doin git every blooming night at the moment and it is driving me round the twist. Maybe I should log on and see whos about at that time... ;-)

You have a good day too... xx

I do sometimes log in at strange times of the morning! Trying some herbal stuff for sleeping at the moment which seems to help me get off to sleep but doesn't stop the waking up in the middle of the night. Do sometimes find that getting up and reading helps, or coming online for a bit.

Do you feed the checkouts with lots of coppers from the change jar as well or is that just me? :rotfl:

Bob (got to say your avatar always makes me smile, loved that episode and the way he said 'Bobb'!!) - hugs to you, sorry to hear that you're having a tough time xx

boredofbeingathome

pania wrote: »

Big hugs for you BOB and so sorry to hear about your daughter, that sounds like a really rubbish position to be in. Do you think he'd be receptive to councelling or would that send him further into his shell.

It is like being a mum to them sometimes isn't it, ironing shirts at stupido clock after a crap nights sleep, getting their PE kit together for the gym... :mad: maybe we should do a thelma and louise and leg it and see how long they cope!!!:rotfl:

Seriously though it can feel like banging your head against a brick wall especially when he won't communicate or change. You could always do as i have been advised and do and arrange everything that you need to do but leave everything of his to him. It would be hard and you'd need nerves of steel to do it but when he asked you could say "I don't know, that was for you to organise as it was something you wanted to do." That may make him realise.

I know it's hard but keep on keeping on, sometimes that is all we can do.

Thankyou, i know what you mean about organising work stuff, sometimes i feel like i am his mum, not his partner. i think i upset him good style the other day, when he wanted to buy me an eternity ring ( what with ) and i said a lifetime was enough- eternity was going too far.:cool:
I have also tried the let him sort out his own finances tack as well. It cost me a lot last year, because he didn't save up his tax,accountants fee and other stuff. The tax man cometh as they say and had to be paid. He also went from being self employed to being back on the cards and had emergency tax for a few months. In the mean time he hda also hidden his statements, paid off his business account and associated card and left us with precisely zilch:eek: - holiday in the pan, which i needed- as did rest of family!
I could throttle him at times, as this has been the pattern all our married life.
On the other side of things he is a generous and loving dad, a good man overall and a good all round person-just this side to him regarding money. He will let me deal with creditors and arrange anything else!
I have never shirked my half of anything and he would give me all his money as well. I suggested councelling last year, he said he would go but broke about three appts, so that came to zilch.
i have always been of the belief that tomorrow is another day and full of unknown possibilities, so i know that it will be better tomorrow and the day after that is ds1's birthday- so i am determined it will be a great day.
Thanks to redsquirrel as well, i love blackadder and i was always waiting for my Flash to come along- so long as he didn't pinch my dresses:cool:

pania

redsquirrel80 wrote: »

I do sometimes log in at strange times of the morning! Trying some herbal stuff for sleeping at the moment which seems to help me get off to sleep but doesn't stop the waking up in the middle of the night. Do sometimes find that getting up and reading helps, or coming online for a bit.

yes i know that bit, so many solutions for not being able to sleep, non for waking up... soooo frustrating. see you at 3am then!!:rolleyes:

redsquirrel80 wrote:

Do you feed the checkouts with lots of coppers from the change jar as well or is that just me? :rotfl:

Not yet, but when i have saved enough there will be no shame...:rotfl:

Just won £7.31 on the bingo:j now can i afford £25 for a few days to go fetch it for me... hmmm.:rolleyes:

pania

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

Thankyou, i know what you mean about organising work stuff, sometimes i feel like i am his mum, not his partner. i think i upset him good style the other day, when he wanted to buy me an eternity ring ( what with ) and i said a lifetime was enough- eternity was going too far.:cool:

Harsh but in light of the below, more than likely fair.;)

boredofbeingathome wrote:

I have also tried the let him sort out his own finances tack as well. It cost me a lot last year, because he didn't save up his tax,accountants fee and other stuff. The tax man cometh as they say and had to be paid. He also went from being self employed to being back on the cards and had emergency tax for a few months. In the mean time he hda also hidden his statements, paid off his business account and associated card and left us with precisely zilch:eek: - holiday in the pan, which i needed- as did rest of family!

ok, maybe best not let him loose with the finances then. :grouphug:
But why hide the statements, that isn't on, especially in a married relationship...

I know what you mean about the holiday... it would be so nice wouldn't it.. even just 3 days away.

boredofbeingathome wrote:

I could throttle him at times, as this has been the pattern all our married life.
On the other side of things he is a generous and loving dad, a good man overall and a good all round person-just this side to him regarding money.

I think it is so sad that a piece of paper with a metal strip through it or a circular disc of silver can have this much of an effect on relationships, after all that really is all it is. it's like playing shops as a girl, money is nothing really if you think about it..
on bank notes, "we will pay the bearer on demand the sum of £10 pound, but what is £10, where is it hidden? do we ever see it? yet it breaks relationships, breaks lives and on very very sad occasions ends them. People fight over money, they kill over money they steal for money when in reality what is it? (oops, overly philosophical P coming out there.....) I thought about it last night in bed.. this is stupid i'm lying here wide awake thinking about a piece of paper with a number written on it....

boredofbeingathome wrote:

I have never shirked my half of anything and he would give me all his money as well. I suggested councelling last year, he said he would go but broke about three appts, so that came to zilch.

which left you feeling let down and as if he doesn't want to work it out? :grouphug:

boredofbeingathome wrote:

i have always been of the belief that tomorrow is another day and full of unknown possibilities, so i know that it will be better tomorrow and the day after that is ds1's birthday- so i am determined it will be a great day.

Thats an excellent way to keep on looking at things hon, it is hard but keep on with those babysteps as hypno says, have the odd :coffee: and remember to put on your big and beamyest smile as it will instantly make you feel better...

boredofbeingathome wrote:

Thanks to redsquirrel as well, i love blackadder and i was always waiting for my Flash to come along- so long as he didn't pinch my dresses:cool:

I always think people look like their avatars when they have people in them, (with the exception of Zed, he's not a female, :shocked: that i know for a fact:rotfl: )
do you look like your avatar, and as for you squizz, dyyyyyying to know what you look like!!!! either of you on facebook?

boredofbeingathome

:j Ooh made me laugh that last bit:rotfl:
I do look a bit like my avatar, only with brown curly hair-she is actually the spitting image of my sister with a few differences. I am slightly heavier now but yep we are a bit alike- never thought about it before.:D
I am not on facebook, but i think my daughter is will see if she has a link. Are you on facebook? I know there is a thread in moneysavers arms for folks photies.
I get quite philospophical as well, and well definately put on my biggest smile this week, although may think evilly of a shark circling whilst i do so:D :rolleyes:

pania

yes i am, shall PM you my "real name" and no it isn't pania I promise......

Glad i made you laugh, tis the name of the game, though what Z will make of that comment remains to be seen!!

Had to laugh at the shark circling, you go girl. xxx