Malicious fraud reports

ska_lover

Unfortunately you have moved in and made a terrible impression and people are looking to drive you out - it is how it seems to me

Having a bonfire 3 times a week means that your neighbours cannot have their windows open, enjoy their garden, peg their washing out and additional noise and worry about the fire not being tended properly....and this is a regular thing....

It is a huge infringement to expect your neighbours to live like this and
it is bang out of order

Glad you don't live near me.

[Deleted User]

Putting the bonfires/fires/neighbour thing aside.

The thread was about been reported for benefit fraud, even if you didn't have bad relations with the neighbours, this stuff happens and will be investigated, if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear.

Let them investigate and move on.

[Deleted User]

Pollycat wrote: »

I think posters have answered honestly, based on what the OP has said.
You may see that as being judgemental.
Although it's true that the OP is a newbie, I don't see why posters who disagree with a newbie shouldn't comment honestly on what has been posted - on every thread, not just this one.
Being a newbie doesn't automatically mean you get everyone agreeing with you regardless of what you say.

Because for one reason it states clearly on this forum that its purpose is to help people and not judge them..and I'll leave it at that as I'm not wanting to get into an argument about it lifes too short x

Pollycat

venison wrote: »

Because for one reason it states clearly on this forum that its purpose is to help people and not judge them..and I'll leave it at that as I'm not wanting to get into an argument about it lifes too short x

But not telling a poster when people - and more than one - think they are in the wrong really isn't helping them.
It's really not being judgemental.
It's being truthful.

I'm well aware of the sticky about this board's purpose and have - more than once - pointed it out to a poster who I feel really has been judgemental.
I just don't feel that applies in this case.

There is no argument here - at least not on my side - just a difference of opinion.

FBaby

had she asked us to be a little more considerate or to move the firebin elsewhere where the smoke wouldnt get on his lungs, I would have gladly done this.

I expected it started quite considerate if a bit vehemently, but escalated when your OH responded, maybe saying that it was her right to do it and it was tough that they didn't like it, and then continued to have regular fire.

Tbe issue would probably have been resolved if your OH had apologised said that she thought it was no bother but appreciate it impacts on them and her son and the practice would stop (which is what ended up happening when it got escalated).

All you can do now is keep a low profile and hopefully, with no more conflict, the accusations will stop.

Exodi

I wanted to chip in my 2¢ as I have first hand experience with bad neighbourly relations (my house mate p*ssed the neighbour off something chronic and a year on the pettiness has continued). We now get vehicles 'accidentally' blocking our drive, our bin has 'vanished' and our neighbour has 'found' a bin (and now labelled it) and rubbish is constantly strewn across the front garden - to achieve peace I've apologised multiple times for the original wrong (though it seems to have been lost nowadays) but my house mate is fixated on not apologising, 'being in the right' and the 'the principle' - I'm actually moving house (partly) because of this.

My house mate exhibits two issues that your OP suggests you also do;

1) You entirely fail to truly acknowledge the other side of the argument, or the effects on the other party. Presumably you're in terraced/semi-detached accommodation? Personally I wouldn't ever deem it acceptable to use a fire bin if you're going to be billowing smoke over someones garden and house but I'm overly neighbourly. If you flipped it round and you had a child with Asthma and some new neighbours were having bonfires every other day, I'm sure you wouldn't just accept it.

2) A strong refusal to apologise. You, your partner and my house mate are all adults yet you all refuse to apologise. Why? Because you've done nothing wrong of course, or because the other party has done worse. If we ask them, they'd cite the same reasons and it carries on Ad Infinitum. Again, I come from the other side, my partner actually tells me off for apologising so much as it comes across as insincere but life is to short to be spending it having mini wars with everyone. There's nothing stopping you going over and apologising for the lack of respect regarding the fire bin when you first moved in, you've thought on it and if you had an asthmatic child would have been equally passionate so you can understand her reaction. Don't apologise expecting one in return and don't 'fake' apologise, eg. I'm sorry BUT XXX, I'm sorry you overreacted, I thought as our neighbours were doing it it was ok but XXX.

Presumably by the fact you were able to give averages on the amount you would burn a week, the neighbour endured it for a while before erupting? I'd also drop the 'I'D HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO DO THIS AND THAT AND THIS IF I WAS ASKED!!" - most overused rhetoric ever, usually unlikely to be true.

EvilGremlin wrote: »

The neighbour in question came over one night and started on my partner, shouting / screaming and threatening violence towards her, Because her son is asthmatic.. had she asked us to be a little more considerate or to move the firebin elsewhere where the smoke wouldnt get on his lungs, I would have gladly done this.

I'd imagine this has been pent up over some time. Presumably she was thinking 'they must run out of things to burn soon'... out of curiosity, how did you manage to fuel 2-3 bonfires a week? Again, not a fan of 'had she come over and said "hi new neighbours, you've been blasting my house with thick black smoke for three weeks now and my son is heavily asthmatic, mind not doing that" to which you'd have replied "hi new neighbour, well thanks for bringing your asthmatic son to our attention, without that in the equation our actions would have been fine but now we shall be fair and aim it so we can blast one of our other unsuspecting neighbours with the smoke, thanks for letting us know!"

EvilGremlin wrote: »

We called the police on her for the threats of violence and an officer came and nipped it in the bud ( so to speak ).

And I think this is where it happened. The neighbour has come over with her justified complaints (albeit portrayed in a bad way but you can appreciate her emotional investment) and you've reported her to the police. Was she physically violent? I hear a lot of people making baseless 'if you don't get your rubbish out the road, I swear to god', 'put your rubbish in my bin once more and see what happens' - was it along these lines? If it was and you've then reported her to the police, do you not see that this is her 'revenge' and she's essentially doing (from her view) what you did?

I think you need to squash this. Apologise genuinely, don't expect anything in return and begin your relationship again. Easier said than done but may save plenty of heartache in the future.

calleyw

Exodi wrote: »

out of curiosity, how did you manage to fuel 2-3 bonfires a week?

I was thinking that. What are they burning as I recycle all that I can and what I can't goes in the bin!!!


I am sorry to derail the thread.


Yours


Calley x

calcotti

calleyw wrote: »

I am sorry to derail the thread.

I think that happened a long way back!

Exodi

calcotti wrote: »

I think that happened a long way back!

Unlikely OP will return as he's been gone for 4 days so no harm done!