Blocking house sale where suspect coercion and control of elderly parents

petere123

davidmcn wrote: »

Indeed - I'm not sure what the OP's friend thinks ought to happen with the house if they want to block its sale, or why on earth it's already been empty for "many years"? (how many?)[/QUOTE

Did i really come to a forum to ask what you think should happen to a house?. No. But if that's what you thought, then so be it.

The use of the building is irrelevant to the issue that i asked about; ie whether there is any authority able to TEMPORARILY block sale in order to cross-reference the wishes of the elderly folk, not the narcissist son. It can only be done prior to sale, nnot retrospectively.

Narcissist is an over-used term these days. This guy is at the top end of its meaning, not simply selfish.

petere123

onwards&upwards wrote: »

I think this is the crucial info.

Also I totally think you’re the disgruntled sibling annoyed that their brother might get a bigger share of the inheritance thanks to do all the practical help![/QUOTE

With your instinct for the truth (your truth, not the truth), you could rewrite Transactional Analysis.
Starting with Eric Berne's "The Games people play".
Google is your friend.

petere123

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Well it’s a bit relevant.

You’ll have a hard job arguing that your parents are being malevolently coerced into making sensible decisions that are in their best interests!

Not my parents, but i take your point.
No intention of arguing that they malevolently coerced. My entire enquiry is whether any agency/independent body does if suspicions conveyed. Society now has coercion/control high on political agenda (at last) but seems to relate mostly to marriage/common law/romantic relationships as it seems to me.

So we know that coercion/control happen, we know that elderly people can be especially vulnerable and susceptible, so i wondered if any independent org had caught up yet.

We used to (as a society) close our ears and eyes to many things, but have made substantial changes. In some areas.

I think i'm done here.
Thanks to all who contributed useful advice, questions and in particualr elisen and da_rule .

petere123

da_rule wrote: »

Maybe your friend could actually, you know, go and visit her parents if she’s so concerned. Or offer to have them come stay with her for a week or two for a holiday. Or even just take them out for a day/afternoon.
b wan
Observing her brothers response to her doing this would give a good indication of his intentions.

At the moment, it just sounds like a somewhat distant daughter who is aggrieved because her brother, who lives closer and sees the parents more regularly, stands to do better financially than she does from them.

After some really great advice, you wandered into huge inaccurate presumptions. I don't know why.
32 yrs (since age 18) of actually being a daughter that tried every which way to bring positivity and empathy, to counter the control of NB. I can take my parents out for tea and cake without a sibling insisting on being there. She can't. A long slow burn over decades, not just a recent thing

martindow

petere123 wrote: »

We used to (as a society) close our ears and eyes to many things

True. Your original question raised related matters raised by people here that you have brushed aside as peripheral and unimportant. This is not a simple situation and to many of us here it does not seem to be as black and white that coercion is happening as you suggest.

Sorry to be blunt, but it would be better to consider some of the points raised and not close your eyes and ears to things that don't fit with your opinion.

Cakeguts

Forget it. The parents had a hand in causing the sibling brother to be like this. It is either caused by trauma or by spoiling a child. Quite a lot of cases are caused by a child being spoilt by parents where they never say no and give them everything they want. Now in this case I assume that the spoilt child is male and the child that lives far away is female. It is likely to be just a case of a very spoilt son. The parents are now reaping what they sowed all those years ago.



The sibling who lives far away probably does this because of the situation with the brother.



There is nothing that anyone can do to change this situation so the best thing is to leave it well alone. The parents are going to leave everything to the spoilt child anyway so why spend time and energy on something that no one is going to be able to change. In my experience the family dynamics do not change just because the siblings are adults. This family dynamic was set up years and years ago by the parents.



They will have favoured this sibling over the other one for years and years and so it will continue.



To the OP do not get involved.

petere123

martindow wrote: »

True. Your original question raised related matters raised by people here that you have brushed aside as peripheral and unimportant. This is not a simple situation and to many of us here it does not seem to be as black and white that coercion is happening as you suggest.

Sorry to be blunt, but it would be better to consider some of the points raised and not close your eyes and ears to things that don't fit with your opinion.

What you refer to as related matters, are of course central, and considered for decades. However, what I've learnt is that on public forum, asking a pragmatic question (as i did re help from external agency re house sale oversight), providing any kind of context does not help. The original question soon gets lost, as some folk project their own stuff onto it. These are emotive circumstances for many people, including me and my own parents.

I should have asked "is there any independent organisation that provides oversight of house sale, where sellers appear to be vulnerable".

Thanks for all helpful responses and contributions along the way.

petere123

Cakeguts wrote: »

Forget it. The parents had a hand in causing the sibling brother to be like this. It is either caused by trauma or by spoiling a child. Quite a lot of cases are caused by a child being spoilt by parents where they never say no and give them everything they want. Now in this case I assume that the spoilt child is male and the child that lives far away is female. It is likely to be just a case of a very spoilt son. The parents are now reaping what they sowed all those years ago.


The sibling who lives far away probably does this because of the situation with the brother.


There is nothing that anyone can do to change this situation so the best thing is to leave it well alone. The parents are going to leave everything to the spoilt child anyway so why spend time and energy on something that no one is going to be able to change. In my experience the family dynamics do not change just because the siblings are adults. This family dynamic was set up years and years ago by the parents.


They will have favoured this sibling over the other one for years and years and so it will continue.


To the OP do not get involved.

Awesome reply. Thanks. Much appreciated. And yes, we all reap what we sow. Narcissists may bask in the glory of their own reflection, but underneath it lies a huge fracture. In this case, probably Infantilized and adored, even as an adult. Entitlement throughout adult life.

Yes you are right; the NB is male, and the sibling with an independent life is female, responsible and highly empathic (as are many females).

RE: To the OP do not get involved
Yep, you are completely right, and my involvment stops at having asked a question here.

Thanks for your helfpul post