Old style dream life vs real life

Angel_Jenny

Fire_Fox wrote: »

(((Hug)))

Instagram is not real and it is arguably not Old Style. Social media is widely acknowledged to leave people feeling unhappy/ dissatisfied/ inadequate and other negative emotions.

Please consider closing your social media accounts, save just one that you use for close friends and close family. Please consider joining us on the 2019 A Clutter-free Life thread. Some are decluttering their homes, some are decluttering online stuff. People are reporting in on Spring cleaning, decorating or cooking from scratch. We are taking baby steps as well as big strides.

My parents and both sets of my grandparents lived in towns and cities (Leeds, London). They gave their gardens and windowsills over to producing food, worked an allotment for more fruit and vegetables, cooked from scratch, even kept chickens. I remember a lot of "look after the pennies, and the pounds will look after themselves" and "make do and mend". I am in my mid-forties so it was not that long ago, but it was before the age of mobile phones and the internet and TV subscriptions.

Instead of thinking about what you do not have, it can be really helpful to start with what you DO have. In a practical, factual way so that you can release time, money, physical and mental space to start working towards your dreams.

How much time DO you have? There are 168 hours in a week. You spend X hours asleep, X hours actually at work, X hours commuting/ travelling to work ... Be brutal. What is left?

How much money DO you have? Your monthly income is £££. Your essential bills are ££. Essential means the ones you cannot change much (rent/ council tax/ public transport/ water bill/ electricity/ TV license) ... Be brutal. What is left?

Obviously you will want to spend some of that time and some of that money on non-essential stuff, or on modern conveniences, on things you really enjoy or really appreciate. But do so consciously, actively making each choice, instead of pretending you 'have to' or 'need to' or 'yeah but'.

Hopefully that makes some sort of sense.

That is really helpful - I fritter time and money and I know it. It is breaking the habits of a life time I think this is some sort of midlife crisis. I don't want to put myself dead last anymore. My stepkids are older and there is way less drama so really I can do a few selfish things for myself. Just have to work on the guilt!

Baby steps and a plan!

Angel_Jenny

thriftwizard wrote: »

To some extent, I'm living your dream; I live in a small town on the edge of the countryside, I keep chickens, grow fruit & veg and do crafts. I'm lucky enough to be self-employed doing something I love, BUT I can only do these things as my OH has a steady job that brings enough in for us and the two of our offspring still at home (numbers actually vary; sometimes there are three) to live on, albeit not luxuriously. He earns it, I spend it cautiously & stretch it as far as it'll go! (And I totally agree that crafts can all too easily result in clutter...)

However, that said, I have several friends who are single and do live the "simple" life; one lives very rurally (cheaper rent, but fewer facilities; she has to drive for everything) and has her own cake business which keeps her car on the road. Like me, she rarely buys new clothes or pre-prepared food; she hardly ever switches the heating on, relying on the stove in the living room for winter warmth, and is up & away to take her cake stall to events at 5 or 6am every Saturday as well as doing wedding & birthday cakes every evening during the week. Hard work, with no let-up, but she's self-reliant, sober and happy. But - only whilst her health lasts...

I can't help fretting about your "violent" job; that doesn't sound good. I can see why you want out & would agree that setting goals is the way forward. It is all do-able, but takes a lot of persistence; my friend waited a long time for an "estate" house to come up for rent (they are usually unfurnished & looking for long-term, local tenants, but will be very basic unless the rent is sky-high) & could never afford to buy around here.

Her style is absolutely vintage - and that's because it's what she can afford. Around here, people are merrily throwing out genuine vintage stuff to make room for new stuff that they perceive as being more valuable because it costs more, so we can pick up good pieces very cheaply from car boot sales etc.! Paint is free from our household recycling centre, so picking up old brown furniture & painting it to achieve that "vintage" look is cheap & easy; just add some old plaid blankets as curtains & throws & rugs from the jumble sales in the wealthy suburbs & it's eat your heart out, Laura Ashley!

Yes, you can do a lot where you are - learn crafts, bake, grow herbs at least - and that will stand you in good stead when the time comes to make that move. Don't lose sight of your eventual goal, and it will happen!

I love the vintage look it seems super expensive here but car boot sales are a good idea!

My fiance & stepkids are thoroughly modern whereas I think I have a vintage heart. They would never move to the countryside! Can't object to a few tomatoes in the garden and plants in the house. And they love when I bake!

I worked in admin / finance for many years but have worked as a carer in a challenging behaviour care home for 3 years now. I don't drive and there aren't many permanent jobs around here. I am not a career girl at all - just want to earn a bit more money (minimum wage is no fun!) and less violence.

Basically I think I am aiming for a country style in a city house. Slower lifestyle, hobbies that help my heart, and just simple happiness.

Angel_Jenny

lessonlearned wrote: »

I totally agree with picking up good solid pieces of furniture and revamping them.

I bought an 80s orange pine welsh dresser for £25. Spent around £25 replacing a shelf that was missing, new knobs and paint. Saw an almost identical dresser in Laura Ashley's for £600.

Same with my fashionable pale grey scandi style kitchen table and chairs......£10 for a set of 6 chairs to match a very large farmhouse style pine table which cost me £90. About £20 on paint.

Jenny painting furniture is so easy and you can totally transform the most unprepossesing bits of old tat.

Curtains, old linen, rugs etc can be picked up from charity shops. I picked up a beautiful pure wool Turkish rug, 10ft x 12ft for £15. It looks fabulous and is really warm and cosy.

If you like vintage china charity shops sell it for peanuts, same with crystal glassware. You really don't need to spend a lot of money to get the vintage look. It just takes time and patience to source what you are looking for and then a bit more time and patience to do them up to your exact liking or specification.

I too was a bit concerned when you said your job was violent.....I would think getting a different job would be your top priority.

Get that sorted and everything else can happen in the fullness of time.

I like the idea of getting charity shop bargains. I have some crystal that was my Gran's but I have it boxed up because teens plus dogs plus crystal is not a happy mix. But cheap, unsentimental crystal ^ china would be amazing.

There is a tiny charity shop near me that sells furniture .......... I might have to measure the house and make myself a little wish list.

I was always a 9-5 Monday to Friday office girl but my current job is shift work. I struggled at first but I like having days off in the week. Low pay, high stress, and challenging behaviour though ..... I have over 30 years until I retire and I can't imagine sticking with the same job all that time.

Angel_Jenny

CollieDog2 wrote: »

I look at that Instagram page and her blog is still out there.

It's a fantasy world. There was a post a few years back about why she decided to home school the twins. One was being bullied in school. I wonder how those girls will cope in the "real" world? They won't be able to live in the fantasy of their Mum forever.

I love old china and we use it daily. I bake on weekends. I knit gifts for the new babies of my coworkers.

But I live in an area where winter lasts six months of the year. No way could we live like the old days. Our heating bills would be sky high (well higher than they are now).

By all means make your home environment your dream style. But don't shut the door on reality.

Yes her life seems idyllic ...... Saturday afternoon teas with homemade bread, crystal bowls, lacy tablecloths.

Old china is so beautiful! I need a car boot / charity shop trip. Maybe to the next town as it is more up market. Items I can use daily and not fret if they get damaged.

Doing things for myself has always felt selfish and frivolous but I am finding that the saying "you can't pour from an empty cup" is true.

CollieDog2

I do Sunday afternoon tea. My sons and their friends all have standing invites. They know there will be pots of coffee and tea available. Sandwiches, biscuits, cake and fruit. Some homemade and some from the supermarket. It's presented on china and they use china or porcelain cups and saucers. I've a few porcelain coffee mugs from the old DDR.

I'll never forget the sight of six huge Combat Engineers sitting in my garden having tea. They told my son it was "awesome" and the next time they are in the area they want to come back (we live near the Army camp).

Memories are the important thing. From talking with our sons, we discovered that they are the few in the group that still have intact families. So build your stepsons a home and routines and that is what will be remembered.

Slinky

You mention that you don't drive. Is this down to choice or have you never got around to learning. IMO driving is a liberating skill, and will open up many more opportunities in your life. A schoolfriend of mine has been limited in her job opportunities through life by not being able to drive, relying on others for a lift for years, and now working in a minimum wage position in the only large employer within walking distance of home.



If you can drive, so many other opportunites will open up for you.

Angel_Jenny

skogar wrote: »

Of course its possible. Well enough of it is.



Baking - 2nd vote for Mary Berry's fast cakes book. It's great and easy. The good thing about living in a city is they haven't shut all the libraries yet so you can probably borrow a copy.



Vintage china - comes up often enough second hand - keep your eyes open. You can get some lovely things for very little and your cakes will look lovely on it.



Not a fan I'm afraid of painted furniture - I love real wood too much especially dark wood. As it's out of fashion I have managed to pick up some lovely things very reasonably. Single and pairs of very pretty antique dining chairs can be picked up very cheaply and the look doesn't date. However I have seen some amazing transformations with painted furniture. One of my friends converted a truly hideous dressing table into a stunning corner computer desk with a sheet of mdf, new handles, bright paint and a lot of imagination. If painted furniture is your thing then go for it.



You can get beautiful curtains, soft furnishing etc. second hand in lovely condition, top quality makes if you keep your eyes open. Usually got rid of buy people who change their decor frequently. Also pictures.



Also amazing what I have aquired when people have been having clearouts.



Lots of videos on ebay for learning various crafts. Lovely books in the library for patterns.



I'm far from green fingered but even I managed to produce some tomatoes last summer growing them outside in a grow bag.



Your job is the more worrying thing. It is no fun being in a job you don't like. That sounds like you need a plan.



Good luck and hope if all works out.

I have reserved that book at the local library!

I like dark furniture - this house has dark wood window sills, internal doors etc downstairs. I love the character of older furniture. We have a glass TV stand and it has no soul to it.

The local charity shop never seems to have a lot in it but I will have to travel further afield to other shops in more up market areas to see what they have. But must not allow myself to bring lots of books back!

Working_Mum

Hey Angel_jenny I am not sure if you're going through a mid-life crisis or whether you are feeling a little bit of discontent and feel the need to change something!! A bit like having a small pebble in your shoe.

I completely re-evaluated my life when i went through a really nasty divorce. Finances and responsibility for my two children meant that i couldn't make any HUGE root and branch changes. I spent a bit of time trying to decide what my perfect life looked like - I did a vision board and wrote things down in my notebook (which i carried with me everywhere) and then set about a slow burning, long term plan to engineer a life I loved.

Basically every decision I took/take is made against these life goals. I tidied up and de-cluttered a drawer/cupboard at a time. I moved furniture around to be able to make my spaces exactly what I needed from them - I have a bay window in my bedroom - I have this as a small reading space which is furnished with a Multiyork chair from Freecycle, covered with a woolen throw I found during my de-cluttering, seated next to a small table I bought and painted grey and I rest my feet on a sewing box my Mum made in the 1970's!! I love this little space and will regularly place fresh flowers (from my garden) on my table and read or sew there.

I found these small, thoughtful changes really empowering and I now have a garden and home which reflects my style and tastes quite well. It has taken a few years but I have up-skilled by learning to paint/sew curtains etc but it has been totally worth it.

I have found that having a plan and working towards my plan every day (whether it was de-cluttering or investigating how to do something or checking the measurements on a piece of furniture seen at a car boot to decide whether it'll fit in a room at home) has kept things moving in the right direction.

Well done for being able to articulate the kind of life you want and taking steps to achieve it.

((Hugs))

Angel_Jenny

CollieDog2 wrote: »

I do Sunday afternoon tea. My sons and their friends all have standing invites. They know there will be pots of coffee and tea available. Sandwiches, biscuits, cake and fruit. Some homemade and some from the supermarket. It's presented on china and they use china or porcelain cups and saucers. I've a few porcelain coffee mugs from the old DDR.

I'll never forget the sight of six huge Combat Engineers sitting in my garden having tea. They told my son it was "awesome" and the next time they are in the area they want to come back (we live near the Army camp).

Memories are the important thing. From talking with our sons, we discovered that they are the few in the group that still have intact families. So build your stepsons a home and routines and that is what will be remembered.

Oh your afternoon tea sounds so amazing!! What a cosy and welcoming idea.

My stepdaughter is 17 and my stepson is 13 so maybe they are too old to start the afternoon tea habit now I love the idea though! I like the idea of having homey rituals on set days but shift work (both me & my fiance) makes this tricky. x

pumpkinlife

My stepdaughter is 17 and my stepson is 13 so maybe they are too old to start the afternoon tea habit now I love the idea though! I like the idea of having homey rituals on set days but shift work (both me & my fiance) makes this tricky.

Make it and they might come, even teenagers like cake . And if they don't, then you can sit and read a book and eat it, or invite friends around.

Perhaps look on Instagram for other vintage accounts of people who work outside the home and still live vintagely. There are quite a few around, but they get drowned out by homeschoolers and kept women with significant budgets for antiques and collectables (nothing wrong with that, but unrealistic inspiration for your situation).

Do you bake your own bread? That's a nice practical craft to start with - minimal equipment required, timeless skill and useful end product. You can bake a pie or cake to fill up the oven too. No-knead bread is great to start with.