Old style dream life vs real life

Angel_Jenny

PasturesNew wrote: »

You can do that by putting your efforts into "marrying well"

Just marry some money....

:rotfl: My fiance might have something to say about that! Although he hates the countryside and the things I like such as doilies, cut glass crystal and net curtains.

Angel_Jenny

monnagran wrote: »

You are right Angel_Jenny, it is a dream.

What you are describing is exactly the way we lived during the war and after it. I was a child then so you could say I was living the dream, but unfortunately, along with the dream came uncomfortable reality. The dream was lived without washing machines, central heating (and inadequate rations of coal), phones, cars, driers, steam irons, duvets and warm blankets, hot wzter bottles, (except old stone ones) fridges, freezers............

What you are looking for is Old World style living with New World style conveniences.
It is perfectly possible to get this if you are determined enough, but it is not going to drop into your lap. You will have to MAKE it happen.

And be careful what you wish for. You may just get it. Good luck.

It is definitely old style living with new world conveniences that I am after - outside loos and no washing machines

I do have to make changes to make it happen. Somehow I have ended up so fearful of trying new things - anticipating failure / humiliation etc I guess.

Angel_Jenny

Deleted_User wrote: »

You can grow some fruit and vegetables in Large pots, even if you only have a yard, put a couple of tomato plants in pots on a sunny window cill, HG tomato's. We grow climbing beans in a very large pot with support canes in, once the beans have reach the top, nip off the growing tip on each plant. 4 plants will be enough if you are on your own. You can get bags to grow spuds in and salad stuff does not take up much room. If you have any garden at all mark out a bed 4' wide and as long as you can get it, Dig the soil and add a layer of compost on the top. This is your no dig bed. There is plenty of info on the net and you tube about no dig gardening. Start off small and simple. The idea is that you can reach in from either side to tend the crops, so you do not walk on the soil, as a crop matures plant up the space with a quick growing crop like lettuce. Only plant what you can eat. French beans grow low to the ground, a couple of plants will give you plenty over the season, at 85p a throw in the supermarket you are on the winning side, plus you only pick what you need to eat.

Practice baking, its not difficult to make a cake, if you are duff at pastry you can buy it on a roll, although to be honest its easy to make. follow a good recipe book (Mary Berry Fast cakes) you will soon turn out a decent cake or tray bake.

As far as crafts are concerned, lots of ideas on the net. Look and see if there are night school classes in your area.

Clutter......be ruthless get rid of all but a few things and resolve not to buy anything else. I love crystal which I used to buy from charity shops......I have made myself stop, ' do I need it; no so do not buy it. With clothes, if I have not worn something in the last 12 months out it goes, I recycle a lot to Emmaus who have a shop in our local town. They take excess furniture as well.

I could keep going for ages, but OH is anxious to get out, you can PM me if you need more info

I do have some soil in the garden in a raised bed type thing up against a fence so I am sure I can make better use of that - even with the magnolia tree in the centre. I need to clear the junk and weeds & get out there and measure up. Pots are a good idea. I was thinking of tomatoes, raspberries, strawberries and peas.

I made pastry a few weeks back - just for a pie but I enjoyed it. It slowed my whirring mind for a short while!

I love crystal but with 2 stepkids and 2 dogs ..... I would be scared to have it out and about.

Ruthlessness and not keeping things just in case or because I spent money on them .........

Angel_Jenny

pumpkinlife wrote: »

You deal by making small changes every day. I'm guessing even Remembering The Old Ways started somewhere!

Do you read Gdonnas blog, Generations Before Us? It's US based but the lady experiments with living old fashioned, and if you read her archives you can see the changes she has made over the years.

First up, though, start decluttering - you will then have more time and space for your other dreams. Konmari is really good for this, because you start with the vision of what you want to be - and only keep the stuff that supports that. You need a haven from your job!

Use the garden space you have, even if it's just a few pots. Get your name down for an allotment, there may or may not be a waiting list. Allotments are great for that community feel that is missing from modern life.

Pick up one craft at a time and make sure you are doing it because you enjoy it, not because it's a skill you think you should have! I'm currently learning to hand sew from a 1940s needlework book.

I don't want to live vintage 'style', but I do appreciate old skills and rhythms of living. You can choose both, or just the aethtic, or just the old fashioned skills and lifestyle.

I find Instagram a double edged sword - inspiring and overwhelming at the same time. Use it for a little inspiration and connection, but make sure you do stuff in the real world - and then post it! You then have a record of all the things you've done to look back on.

What one thing could you do right now that supports the life you want to live? Sew on that button? Empty that drawer of old cables? Organise your sewing kit? Watch a youtube video on breadmaking? Write a list of all you want to do, ready to break into smaller steps? Or just sit in the sun for a bit with a cup of tea.

And remember to check in with yourself as you go along - don't add stress and expectation to an already busy existence!

I haven't heard of that blog but I will look it up - thank you!

Liking the idea of breaking things down into smaller tasks - that should help with the fear too. I am stressed now but I think adding in baking / gardening / sewing will help with that. I'm just tired of putting my wants last and forgetting who I am.

Decluttering is going to be key here! I need to bite the bullet.

Angel_Jenny

happydays89 wrote: »

Try and eBay your clutter or unwanted clothes.......I have been listing 3 items a night for the last 2 weeks and so far have made £268,it could go into your dream fund.

It hadn't occurred to me to sell things ...... hmmm that could offset the guilt I feel when it seems I wasted money on the stuff in the first place.

Angel_Jenny

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

Dreams are seductive Jenny and can derail life by making people very unhappy BUT dreams are only ideas, all mist and mystery, better far to look at what you DO have and see how you can make it a better fit for how you'd like life to be, that's more achievable than sitting and dreaming wistfully of what is only an insubstantial non reality. You might HATE life in the country with it's mud, lack of pavements, no fast broadband, sometimes no gas available, the smell of muck spreading that pervades the area for weeks at a time, living downwind of a pig farm or a chicken farm, no village shop, no bus service and a village community of people who have known each other all their lives can be a lonely place. There will be crowing cockerels in the early hours, church bells ringing late into the evenings on training days, and many country properties these days only have tiny gardens and as has happened here what were beautiful houses on quiet roads have now become the edge of massive new build estates and instead of looking over quiet fields of grazing sheep you now have a row of 4+bed executive homes 10 meters from your back boundary fence. Then there are the insects to cope with many spiders, woodlice in the bathrooms (and occasionally plummeting from an upstairs ceiling in the study, still haven't worked out how they do it) ants in the kitchen etc. and always mosquitos in the evening so sitting out for your G&T in the sunset can be a very costly and itchy act! Having said that if your dream ever comes true I wish you the best of lives and total contentment and until it does I wish you the finding of a way to be happy by finding small changes where you live now that can make you feel the dream is achieved in a small way xxx.

Crowing cockerels and church bells sound amazing but not spiders ............ :eek:

I think it is more that I am realising that I have put everyone else first for basically my whole life and I don't want to spend the next decades doing the same thing. I was so used to it but grief hit me hard and I have been thinking a lot about who I really am.

Unlikely I will ever live in the country as my fiance does not like the countryside :rotfl: mud and smells and bad internet! But it isn't too citified here luckily. There are some trees and I hear owls and see squirrels and foxes sometimes.

Angel_Jenny

lessonlearned wrote: »

So much good advice here Jenny.

Dreams are fine but they are just pie in the sky without an action plan. And putting together an action plan without taking any action is just a complete waste of time and effort.

You have it within your own power to make your dreams come, you just have to knuckle down and get cracking.

The big dreams of Moving house and changing jobs will take time but you can make a start on making some of those smaller dreams come true right now. You can acquire the skills you lack, you can transform your living space.

Don't let the lack of money stop you. You don't need money to learn to cook, sew, bake and grow a small garden, even if it's just a few pots. You don't need a fortune to buy a few tins of paint. And decluttering your excess needn't cost a penny. As others have pointed out, you might even be able to sell some of it. You might make enough to help get you started on your home make over.

Living in the country is not always all it's cracked up to be but even if it is your ultimate goal you can still bring that country feel into even the most densely populated city.

You dont have to wait to enjoy greenery. Green your house with plants and flowers and there must be some parks or open spaces nearby. On a nice day, make up a picnic, take a book and your headphones and head off to the park. And if you really crave rolling hills, then buy a bus ticket and head off on coach trip to somewhere nice and enjoy the ride.

Dreams can come true but only if we help them along otherwise they just wither and die.

As I used to tell my kids....."good things dont just drop out of the sky and land in your lap."

I need to just get on with it - fear has too much power in my life.

Living in the country won't happen but I want more of the simple wholesome things in my life - even stupid stuff like eating something I have grown for myself.

I have a bad habit of all or nothing thinking everything is a huge overwhelming task and if it won't be perfect why try.

I am going to treat myself to some daffodils tomorrow and figure out a nice leafy plant for my shelf.

Angel_Jenny

downshifter wrote: »

I don't know if you do any project management/project planning in your job but that's how I approach this kind of thing. Work out your aims and objectives, time scales, decisions to be made and all of that stuff and plan all the steps towards those aims/objectives.

A friend of mine and her husband wanted to travel around Europe in a tatty motorhome but giving up their jobs/house etc seemed a huge step and they could see in their 50s that it wasn't coming any nearer and was still just a dream. She plotted it out on flipchart paper and stuck it on the wall in their kitchen where they couldn't avoid it and could tick things off, or add post-it notes where new ideas, better ways occurred to them, - the bigger aims, a time scale and things they would do each week towards it were all on there (such as decluttering, looking for freelance work, selling stuff, growing a few practice veg, motor mechanics classes, lots of reading/ making notes.)

And they did it within 18 months and off they went to Italy on the first leg of their trip. Sadly within a few years, he died of an unexpected illness (there's a moral there too!) but they'd had some amazing adventures in between.

I'd love to hear how you get on. Just get on with it, now, today!!! Start the plan! We can all make you accountable.

DS

I used to do a bit of project management stuff in my admin role but not in my current job. Not much call for it in a care home role! I need to break down those huge dreams into something practical. And then learn to believe in myself again.

I'm glad your friend and her husband got to have some adventures. I wonder how many people wait too long and then it is too late.

Note pad is out and ready!

Angel_Jenny

Slinky wrote: »

I have dreamed of being good at crafts, but I also find clutter very wearing. I look at pictures of people's craft rooms and IMO crafting and clutter free seem to be mutually exclusive unless you are extremely disciplined and tidy, which I'm not. We're moving somewhere smaller, I will hopefully be retiring early, I need my new pasttimes to exclude clutter!

I long for organised cupboards and clutter free surfaces I need to pick a couple of crafts and not try to do EVERYTHING! I do have a lot of books but books are not clutter to me. :rotfl:

Oh that sounds like quite the adventure! Maybe baking as you eat the results

skogar

Of course its possible. Well enough of it is.



Baking - 2nd vote for Mary Berry's fast cakes book. It's great and easy. The good thing about living in a city is they haven't shut all the libraries yet so you can probably borrow a copy.



Vintage china - comes up often enough second hand - keep your eyes open. You can get some lovely things for very little and your cakes will look lovely on it.



Not a fan I'm afraid of painted furniture - I love real wood too much especially dark wood. As it's out of fashion I have managed to pick up some lovely things very reasonably. Single and pairs of very pretty antique dining chairs can be picked up very cheaply and the look doesn't date. However I have seen some amazing transformations with painted furniture. One of my friends converted a truly hideous dressing table into a stunning corner computer desk with a sheet of mdf, new handles, bright paint and a lot of imagination. If painted furniture is your thing then go for it.



You can get beautiful curtains, soft furnishing etc. second hand in lovely condition, top quality makes if you keep your eyes open. Usually got rid of buy people who change their decor frequently. Also pictures.



Also amazing what I have aquired when people have been having clearouts.



Lots of videos on ebay for learning various crafts. Lovely books in the library for patterns.



I'm far from green fingered but even I managed to produce some tomatoes last summer growing them outside in a grow bag.



Your job is the more worrying thing. It is no fun being in a job you don't like. That sounds like you need a plan.



Good luck and hope if all works out.