Money Moral Dilemma: Should I chase the loan I gave a friend?

Mollyeyre

Someone needs a loan and wants to repay? How will it be possible for them to 'Live' next week on 90% of what they couldn't live on this week?


It really is better to say 'Accept this as a gift, but be aware that I will not lend you money again!' You say that the money isn't a huge amount to you, so it is probably better to cut your losses and put an end to any embarrassment verbally. You need you make your position clear, otherwise your friendship will fail!

Bellisima

I wanted to help out our granddaughter who was going through a messy relationship break up with her ex. She has 3 children and worked part time around school hours. She had to pay towards mediation, as well as the court case if it got that far. I was going to lend her some money to help, but then decided to give her £500, as I couldn’t see how a single mum with 3 children could ever afford to repay me. I know she’s a relative, but I think you should have a conversation with your friend about the money. Depends how much you leant her?

crmism

You may well feel that the money is worth more to you than it is to your friend, but given her altered circumstances since you lent it to her, and your own relatively comfortable situation, it's time to show compassion and allow her to make repayment when she can, as she clearly can't do it at the moment.

Probably the very last thing she wants right now is to be chased for repayment so, in your shoes, I wouldn't bring the subject up. You have a vested interest in recovering your loan, though, so what I would do in your shoes is invest some time and offer assistance in two ways - firstly, help her devise a budget, as that would enable you and her to see that she's spending what little money she has prudently and, secondly, monitor her progress.

It doesn't amount to control but, like any half-decent bank that's in danger of seeing an unsecured loan turn into a bad debt and written off, it's normal practice for a sympathetic lender to do what it can to improve the chances of repayment and gain an idea if and when the money will be repaid in full.:)

Marvel1

If they are going out, they can afford to pay you.

happyinflorida

How much did you lend this friend?

Did you discuss repayment?

Is this a close friend?

I personally feel very, very strongly about lending and repaying money.

I would never dream of not repaying someone if they lent me money but I've never borrowed a large amount from someone, only small amounts, ie not more than £10 and I've always paid back as soon as I could get to a bank, I'd go out of my way to take it back to my friend.

I've lent money to people and lost it, always - so I would never, ever lend money to someone again. I don't trust people and I don't care how much they say they need money, they are not going to get it from me now.


I always got pathetic excuses instead of payment and one person even said they were sure they'd almost paid me back and demanded copies of my bank statements to prove how many cheques they'd sent me!

I sent them with certain bits blacked out and heard once more saying they'd pay in a months time as usual and never heard from them again.

Lost friendships and I'd lost money - so learnt never, ever to lend, people are untrustworthy and not worth it.

Gresp

As others have said, talk to her. If you're good friends, that shouldn't be a huge problem.

Be clear that she doesn't have to pay now while she's not earning, but you do expect repayment once she's employed again. Agree a plan, maybe in writing. That way, you're being sympathetic to her circumstances, but clear and firm about her responsibility to repay you. It's win-win.

If you were a bank or loan company, she'd get a lot less sympathy and leniency!

gloriouslyhappy

crmism wrote: »

You may well feel that the money is worth more to you than it is to your friend, but given her altered circumstances since you lent it to her, and your own relatively comfortable situation, it's time to show compassion and allow her to make repayment when she can, as she clearly can't do it at the moment.

Probably the very last thing she wants right now is to be chased for repayment so, in your shoes, I wouldn't bring the subject up. You have a vested interest in recovering your loan, though, so what I would do in your shoes is invest some time and offer assistance in two ways - firstly, help her devise a budget, as that would enable you and her to see that she's spending what little money she has prudently and, secondly, monitor her progress.

It doesn't amount to control but, like any half-decent bank that's in danger of seeing an unsecured loan turn into a bad debt and written off, it's normal practice for a sympathetic lender to do what it can to improve the chances of repayment and gain an idea if and when the money will be repaid in full.:)[/QUOTE

Sensible advice about helping them sort out their budget, but I think the subject definitely should be brought up, sooner rather than later. As others have said, it will fester otherwise, and if this person genuinely meant to repay the loan, they'll be worrying about how to discuss it with you. As you say you're in the happy position of not needing the repayment immediately, you can put their mind at ease by discussing future repayment terms, and keep the friendship at the same time.

maiasopohie

I borrowed £2K off my son to get a new car when my dear Landie died. He’s 20 & it came out of the savings he’s hoping to put down as a deposit on a house. I’ve set up a standing order for £100 p/m which is all I can afford right now. Annoying I can’t do more as parents should be the ones to lan money not the other way round...

anne25

I'm currently in a similar situation. I have talked to my friend about it. She claims to like cleaning and I DON'T! The plan is for her to clean my house to pay off the debt. That way we both win. Why did she break her arm just before we put this plan into action??? I live in hope. If I get the money back it will be a bonus but for her self-respect I think she should pay it back.

Red_sky

Mate (if it's a guy asking). you ain't never going to get your money back whether you ask for it or not. She's even got a viable excuse for not paying it back but whether she's lost her job or not you were never going to get that money back. I have lots of experience about this trying to help people out in the past and I can tell you when you lend money, nobody's going to pay you back whether a friend or not. Once you lend money, that's it, gone, especially, dare I say on here, to a female friend. So, once you lend you might as well give, you'e not going to see that money again and I am speaking from lots of experience. That's one good reason why friends shouldn't lend money to each other if you want to remain friends. Just put it down to experience and a lesson learnt and don't lend money to anybody again unless you want to lose it.