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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I chase the loan I gave a friend?

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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I chase the loan I gave a friend?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
31 replies 12.7K views
MSE_SarahMSE_Sarah MSE Staff
287 posts
Sixth Anniversary 10 Posts I've been Money Tipped! Newshound!
MSE Staff
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
I lent money to a friend, who promised to pay it back ASAP. But she's since lost her job, and paying it back will be a struggle. It's not a huge amount for me, but it's my money and I worked hard for it. Should I say something, or wait to see if it comes - even if that never happens?

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  • MalthusianMalthusian Forumite
    8.2K posts
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Write it off and treat it as a valuable lesson.

    If she's a friend then she'll pay it back without needing to be chased, so there is no point in stressing over it. If she needs to be chased it's highly likely the money is gone, so there is no point in stressing over it.

    You can be someone's friend or their creditor but not both. If a friend asks you for money, give it to them, and if they give it to you back it'll be a nice surprise rather than a relief. If you can't afford to give it to them, don't.
  • louisekatie31louisekatie31 Forumite
    178 posts
    I've been Money Tipped!
    I never lend more than I can afford to give, it’s not worth falling out over money. If it isn’t paid back I would forget about it but wouldn’t lend that person money again.
  • edited 10 April 2019 at 8:44AM
    pixiebel81pixiebel81 Forumite
    34 posts
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Posts
    edited 10 April 2019 at 8:44AM
    I'd feel bad taking money off someone if they were struggling and I wasn't, but if I wanted the money repaid at some point I'd tell them not to worry about it while they were unemployed. That way I've made it clear I want the money back but only when they're back on their feet.
  • theoreticatheoretica Forumite
    6.7K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    By not communicating at all you might leave this looming over them - try talking to them and working out a way forward together.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • MalFMalF Forumite
    25 posts
    I've got £1200 outstanding that I loaned to two people I considered friends who were struggling. One I literally haven't seen since (this was nearly 20 years ago) and the other is now on a different continent...
  • lilmisstroublelilmisstrouble Forumite
    24 posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Ask her to repay at an amount she can afford. She might miss some payments but at least she will be in th habit of repaying and will probably up the payments when better off. She’s probably to embarrassed to mention it so might be relieved to have a solution. It will also stop her asking for more if she sees you as a money tree. If you just ignore it, your friendship will suffer as it will always be the unspoken thing between you. Better to discuss it and then you can make the decision to write it off if you want
  • Niki4rNiki4r Forumite
    5 posts
    Talk to them about it, they're probably thinking about it too. Just say you understand the circumstances ave changed so you don't mind waiting until they're back on their feet, but you would like it back eventually (if that's the case!). You may find they want to pay you it back at a small amount per month or something like that
  • DoodlesDoodles Forumite
    375 posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic
    Really depends on the amount. £50 I would write off, but £5000 I would not.
    We are in Transylvania, and Transylvania is not England. Our ways are not your ways, and there shall be to you many strange things.

    Dracula, Bram Stoker
  • pollypennypollypenny Forumite
    28.9K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    If she's struggling, and you can afford to wait, tell her so.

    It'll take a weight of her mind, too, and she'll appreciate it if you are good friends. If neither of you mention it, it might fester as an embarrassment.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • x40rosx40ros Forumite
    9 posts
    I would actually say to my friend that I understand that they are going through a hard time and not to worry about the money. That way the friend will know that they can stop worrying if they were, and may still offer it back when times are better. But that would be a bonus, you have already written it off.
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