Giving up/ Cutting Down Alcohol Thread Part 16

Honey_Bear

29/31 please, Shaggy.

cathybird

Shaggy, thanks from me also for adding me to the list for June and I was indeed going to go for a target of 21

maman

I've been positively saintly today. I've been out for lunch with friends and stuck to fizzy water!:D It helps that few people drink at these lunches other than the odd beer that doesn't tempt me at all. But I was in a pub and stayed AF.:A

16/10 AFDs please Shaggy.

ManPants

Hello Everyone,

It seems it is more than 15 months since i last put in an appearance on here. I obviously haven't drank every day for all that time!! I've had no alcohol nights and low alcohol nights coupled with too much alcohol nights. Sadly.
Pub life is horrific and exhausting. We have made a massive success of it and have a fantastic profit margin but OH and i have been the casualty in it all. If we do try and have a date night it becomes a "business meeting by candlelight" and the bad feeling we have towards each other on a day to day basis is terrible. We were the best of friends plus partners until we started working together. Complete opposites in temperament.

Last night it all came to a head (been drinking), i had a lot of character assassination directed towards me from OH and my violent attack on him 4 christmases ago came up again (some of you may remember!). I would add it never has happened since but the damage is done. He by contrast was never violent but verbally abusive and i've lived with lots of constant passive aggressive put downs (i.e I hoover the floor in the bar, put the hoover away and he comes along tuts, gets the hoover out and goes over it to give a recent example). He said we have nothing in common and never have and just need to call it a day. Somehow, despite this, we have been together for 15 years. I still maintain that we have had more happy times than bad and he did concede that getting the pub was the biggest mistake we made. In the next breath he then complained when we went on a break for a few days to a country where homosexuality is illegal i requested a room with two beds. This was only a few weeks ago.

I'm at a loss and it seems easier to pour it out here. Its partners home town we are in so I just need to leave. I have no family, no roots other than the ones I made with partner. I'm 47, homeless, jobless, career-less and now single it appears. I gave up my previous high flying career to do the pub and without getting into the whys and wherefores, that career is now gone totally.

I'm not broke. I have money and investments but not enough that i need never work again. I intended to travel but always was career orientated so it seems an opportunity to do that but i made the decision years ago when i met partner - who is a home-body - that what was the point of looking at an amazing sunset in India (for example) if you have no one to share it with.

I feel alone and scared. I don't feel like i have the energy to even contemplate another new start from scratch.

Anyway, tonight is my 4th AF night this month. Thanks for reading.

GlendaSugarbean

Manpants: I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. You must still be in shock, so please give yourself time to breathe and consider your options. 47 is not too old for a fresh start and career change if that is what you want.

Squeaked in at 28/28 today. Shaggy: can you put me down for 30 for June please?

cathybird

Morning all, 26/21 for me today thanks

cathybird

Welcome back ManPants and sorry to hear life is so difficult for you at the moment. Perhaps re the pub you and your partner could hire someone to do some of the managing to take some of the load?? That might give you a chance to mend things with him, or if it's too late for that it might at least give you some distance from him and more time to think the future over and decide what you want to do. These are only my thoughts but I agree with Glenda, at 47 you are certainly young enough to make a fresh start. I hope things work out for you.

arsenalbarnie

Sorry to hear about your break up man pants. Am sure you will get loads of support and advice on here. Keep posting and certainly staying alcohol free will help your state of mind.

Well a thoroughly unsatisfying night in the arsenalbarnie household but calling in with 2 more afds and can I try for 16 again for June please Shaggy.

marahouti

So sorry to read of your relationship problems man pants. Maybe you could get a temporary manager and take some time with your partner (or alone) away from the pub to decide what you both need/want to do. Whatever that turns out to be I hope things work out for you. Keep posting.
Shaggy I am on 22/20 up to yesterday.

Honey_Bear

Well done for getting back on the wagon, Maman.

Manpants, welcome back, but I'm really sorry to hear your update. It sounds as though both of you need a break from each other, and you're suffering from a horrible hangover, and the resultant depression that goes with a heavy night of drinking plus a huge row.

However, all is not lost. You've been together 15 years and you've discovered that you can't live and work together. Most couples can't.

It might then be worth contacting Relate to see if you can both work through how to break up or how to get back together without tearing each other to pieces.

It might also be a good idea to move out and spend some time well away from each other before you break up your partnership immediately either way, just to get some breathing space. It sounds as though alcohol was involved in this most recent episode, and when emotions are running high booze always complicates things. Space might help.

(((Hugs))). From a horrible time in my past with my Beloved I can honestly say that moving out for six months and using Relate at the same time were the only reasons we survived. It was a couple of years before we were back on an even keel after I moved back in, and we're now better than we ever were before but it wasn't easy and it wasn't all plain sailing. It was, however, well worth it.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do; just please don't make any hasty decisions after you've had a drink.

30/31 please, Shaggy.