Giving up/ Cutting Down Alcohol Thread Part 16

cathybird

loveasale wrote: »

I’ve not spoken to him about it yet , as rather funnily I’m ashamed at having gone through his phone !!
He is still ok with me , making plans for friends coming to visit -I just can’t work it out !

loveasale, I had a cheating boyfriend, who I caught because he left his emails on display on his computer one day and like you I did the wrong thing and had a look, because I was suspicious. He was a serial cheater and I caught him several times, yet I stuck with him for years, for a number of reasons I think but partly because he always seemed so affectionate when he was with me - he behaved as though we were a totally committed couple and I was the only one, and it lulled me into acceptance even though I knew better. That might be why a lot of women stay with cheating men, because the manner is so deceptive. It ought to be obvious and yet it's hard to get your head around at the time. I hesitate to say all this because there's no evidence your BF falls into that bracket - not all men who have affairs do it repeatedly, some only do it once - and he might be a genuinely good man who can make amends. But the fact that he seems okay with you, and is making "normal" plans with friends, it might or it might not mean anything. I hope things do work out between you though My thought is give him a chance, but only one. xx

Barny1979

7/26 AFDs yesterday

arsenalbarnie

Ooh sorry Loveasale can’t help you. I think I would chuck him but who is to say what I would actually do. If anything you don’t know where she has been if ykwim. All sorts of germs springs to mind. There is a big rise of std’s amongst the middle aged, some of them not easily treated. Sorry that’s my medical past coming to the fore. If they are meeting up when drunk, taking precautions don’t seem to spring to mind. Sorry to be so blunt about it, but I think it’s worth mentioning.

Today is not alcohol free but I did go to tubby club and have lost another pound so 2/10 please for the weight loss challenge Shaggy

Barny1979

8/26 AFDs today

loveasale

It funny , all the different views and replies I’m getting ,,,,
I seriously think if I reading this from someone else I would definitely tell the girl to Bin the 2 timing rat !
Yet here I am and at the moment I’m not sure what I’m going to do,,,,,,?
When I looked at the phone I also took photos of each message ,,,, it’s not a warm conversation to read , no emotion, and no talk of his or her day , no mention of his on going divorce,,,,,,
Only ‘are you about , fancy a wine ( code word for sex!) it’s so weird and NOT the man I know ,,,,
I’m not sleeping with him at the mo ( had some pre cancer work done and on sex ban ) so no risk of STD !
I think she is a dirty little secret that is boosting his ego in bed , but no more , !
I don’t really know what I’m trying to say , apart from putting the words on here are really really helping me ,,,,,,,
Thank you all
7/20 3SNC

Wanna_Bee_Free

I am terribly hungover on holiday so catching up on here. No days to report. My drinking has been moderate until last night.

ArsenalBarnie, huge sympathy for your loss. This life stuff isn't easy sometimes.

Loveasale, so sorry to read about your BF. ArsenalBarnie makes a really good point re health etc.

I have forgiven what I believe to be a drunken one-off over 20 years ago which he then confessed on arriving home. I found it hard to trust and move beyond a catty nasty stage but over time it happened. On his return from business trips I would ask anything I should know about? All fine years later as far as I know... It helped he told me rather than me finding out.

Arkers

Good morning everyone,
8 please Shaggy
Arkers x

arsenalbarnie

Morning all. Tonight will be alcohol free. So 6/15 please. My sleep has been shocking since OH has been away. Have decided to try and abstain until I go away in just over a weeks time. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything and feel like becoming a hermit. Hoping this is due to menopause and will pass. So funeral tomorrow, a long long drive away so need to sleep more than my 4 hours a night have been having. Also no caffeine is order of the day and lots of meditating to try to chill me out. Looked at price of going on the train for 4 of us £410 one way :eek: No wonder people go by car or fly. Coach was cheaper but me and Dd get very travel sick on them. So DS2 has said he is coming and will share the driving.

On a positive note the sun is out ready for me to walk the pooches.

sukeyboo

6/12 for today please Shaggy

marahouti

5/21 and 3/4 SNC please Shaggy. Thank you. X
Loveasale I have held off commenting on your current dilemma up to now because other posters have said the things I would say. I just want to say that whatever you decide to do, hold your head up and do it on your terms. Thinking of you. X