Money Moral Dilemma: Should I negotiate cheaper rent with my parents?

crmism

In one breath you're saying that you're aiming for independence and, in another, that you think it's unfair of your parents to expect a contribution towards your keep.

Maybe you feel you're not quite yet of an age to make your own decisions, else you wouldn't be asking for ideas, but your priority here is to sit down and make a comprehensive list of your monthly expenses and cut out those you can make do without. In the course of my career, I met many people in a similar situation who believed they couldn't manage on less yet, when helping them with their budget, they could see that a lot of things they had automatically regarded as necessities were actually luxuries they could dispense with.

Unfortunately, we seem to live in a gratuitous society where people must have things now regardless of cost as they see anything less as a drop in image and living standards. Allied with that is a growing dependence on older generations, who made do and mended and denied themselves things until they had accumulated the money to buy them. Independence involves rational decision-making and single-minded determination, particularly when you want to save to buy property or demonstrate ability to support a mortgage, so if you have costly outgoings such as smartphone contracts, satellite TV with all the trimmings, a lease vehicle, gym membership and weekly clubbing with your mates as typical examples, you've got to be tough and adjust your lifestyle. Things like a basic mobile, second-hand car or motorcycle or even a cycle for commuting can make a significant difference to your outgoings.

It may be hard, I realize, but that's what growing up and life's all about.

lewisia

what are the point of these dilemmas when the person asking the question does not reply to the q & a - it's all just guess work!!

hairypitz

Get out there into the world and enjoy yourself with some like minded peers in a house-share.You’re only young once and you could be having fun instead of having to watch stuff like Jane McDonald,eat gammon and listen to your parents nag you about what time you’ll be home.
Buy food with orange stickers on from Lidl, download ‘Too Good to Waste’, buy earlybird club tickets but !!!!!! don’t listen to the people who’d have you sitting at home, staring at four walls, reading your parents copy of the Daily Mail,giving up your smart phone and having no life. Just learn to budget,get good value for money and live your best life independently.
Or do what Roy says.

happyinflorida

Why are they asking you to contribute towards petrol?

You say you are commuting, are they driving you?

Re the rent request part - do your parents rent and they're asking you to contribute their rent payment?

You say you want to save but didn't you discuss this with your parents before you moved back in?

How long have you been living there before they've come up with this request? I'm just wondering if things aren't working out so well for them and maybe, they're trying to put you off staying there for much longer!

You need to sit down and discuss, let them know you were hoping to save towards getting a property of your own.

If they're not willing to reduce, then look for somewhere else to live, closer to work, that is cheaper.

You might want to ask around at work if anyone wants a flat mate or someone to share with or even you living somewhere that they provide bed and board which will be an extra money earner for a colleague.

Gresp

Assuming you didn't just turn up on their doorstep unnannounced with all your possessions - what did you agree with your parents before moving in?

If we knew that, we might be in a position to offer advice.

As with most of these 'dilemmas', the main dilemma is not having enough information to go on...

Pollycat

Gresp wrote: »

As with most of these 'dilemmas', the main dilemma is not having enough information to go on...

IIRC, MSE mods think these 'dilemmas' are a bit of fun, intended to generate discussion.

dan1297

Hahaha it's unbelievable how easily upset all of you are getting over this one post.

I'm sure you'd all be the first to call the younger generation 'snowflakes' or say that 'millennial's need to get a grip' when you're all losing your head's over a post on a forum

Sister_X

I charge my daughter £250 a month. I think that's fair. I would get a 25% council tax discount if she didn't live here and I feel she should contribute towards electric/gas usage etc, loo rolls, soap, washing up liquid etc..all the things youngsters take for granted. That also includes some food but she also buys some of her own.
When I was young I earnt £300 and paid £100 a month (ie a third of my income) to rent a room in the nurses quarters as a student. My daughter brings home about £1500 a month so i feel I am doing her a huge favour without shafting myself.
My parents expected me to pay rent when I was young and I don't think parents do their adult children any favours by letting them live rent free.
Even if i was rich I still would charge my children rent even if I saved it for their mortgage deposit. It is all about respect.
It does seem sad in this case that an adult discussion can't just be had with the parents. Communication is the key.
My daughter's boyfriend's parents are much wealthier than I and initially they didn't charge him rent and he thought I was unkind to charge my daughter. I had to smile when his parents did finally charge him and wanted £300 a month. He soon said 'But Sabrina's mum only charges her £250!!!. Ha ha!! His parents did then drop it to £250. Both my daughter and her boyfriend have now saved a sizeable deposit and are buying their own house this year. Unlike a lot of millennials who say they can't afford to save for a deposit. My daughter shops in Lidls and doesn't waste money on crap. I have taught her well. I feel like obi wan kenobi!!!!

JReacher1

making then pay the extra costs you’ve incurred is reasonable but I don’t understand charging rent to your own kids.

Unless you were planning on renting the room out if they weren’t there (so are losing an income) then I just don’t understand what sort of parent would want to profit from their own kids by charging them rent.

To me it appears to be despicable

AndrewHawthorne

I am a parent of 3 young adults, one of whom has now finished further education and has a job. I don't ask a penny from her.

There are many things that I can not and never will be able to afford to do for my kids, or myself for that matter, but finding a few pounds extra on electricity and groceries each month I can do. My mortgage costs no more nor does my council tax or gas, whether she is at home or not, so why ask for money from her? I want my kids to have a better start in life than I did. Rinsing her of cash for so called rent doesn't sound like good parenting to me.

I could ask for a contribution, but I would only be slowing her down in saving and leaving. As it is, she wants her independence and will move out at the end of the month. Yes it will be nice to see the bills reduce a little, but I know I've done what I can to help.

So I don't understand your parents attitude and think that if you can afford it, get back out as soon as you can. Your parents seem to be using you as a source of income rather than helping you out. If they can run the house finances without you in it, they can run the house with you there and not paying.

Having said all of that, whilst I fundamentally disagree with their approach, it's their house and their rules. Try to negotiate a reasonable position on rent if you can, but definitely get out as soon as possible.