Money Moral Dilemma: Should I negotiate cheaper rent with my parents?

JillieA

Our problem is that we don't know the sort of relationship between the poster and the parents. I knew a girl whose parents were not hard up but charged her every penny for everything even when she was a student with a part time job. They were amazed when she treated them the same in later life. On the other hand, when my sister and I were young and lived at home our parents (also reasonably comfortable) were pleased to help us when they could. Although we did contribute, it was not carefully calculated because they wanted to help us become financially secure and provide for our future. I have done the same with my children (now adults) so we pay our way on large items but we don't keep a tally and I help them when I can because we all care for each other. If the poster's parents are being tight, it would be better to be independent of them but on the other hand, they might be a bit hard up themselves and if so, the poster shouldn't 'freeload'. There is nothing wrong with talking to them about the amount they charge and trying to negotiate it down but the replies saying 'you should have checked beforehand' are the wisest replies.

agent_f

The angry, strangely personal responses so far are not very helpful... Seems like quite a few people on here resent their children (or at least, resent what they think other people's children are like!)

Not sure why everyone has assumed that your parents are wealthier than you, or that you don't help out with the household etc. As you've been living on your own previously, I'm sure you're used to managing housework just like anyone else.

I had a similar situation recently, in that I moved in with my mother for a while after having lived on my own for years. She needed help with money and was struggling with loneliness after a breakup, so needed some support.
Although I just told most people I was 'trying to save money', as I live in an affluent area where most people's parents pay for their mortgage deposits etc., so can't really relate to having a parent that is on a very low income. She works for the NHS, and loves her job, so that won't change any time soon!
It made my commute far longer and more expensive as she lived a lot further from my work (a 45-minute commute each way became a 150-minute commute each way...) but it was cheaper than renting a flat, overall, so we were both grateful for the financial benefits.

I'd suggest working with your parents as you would with a partner or flatmates and seeing if you can help to reduce their outgoings, and then agree to change your contribution accordingly.
In my experience, people who've lived in the same house for a while often haven't compared utility bill providers recently, so if you can do a bit of research for them then you might make substantial savings. If you drive and have access to the car, you could offer to compare insurance providers at renewal, and maybe top up the petrol at cheaper garages (I believe there's a tool on this site to help find them).

I assume that they started charging you more as they found that they were making a loss, so if they are struggling financially then your best bet is to help them deal with that first.
If they have debt, try using this site's recommendations to help them reduce it
I'd suggest buying your own food as it keeps things simpler, and I assume you are cooking for yourself anyway. If they're asking you to pay for their food, maybe try finding ways to reduce the cost.

If they are financially comfortable and simply wanting a greater profit, then you need to have an honest conversation with them. Do they prefer having you living with them to living on your own? If not, then whatever you pay them won't feel like enough to them, as their lives will have been disrupted and they are essentially involuntarily renting a room out. If they want you there, you'll have to work together to find an agreement you can all live with.

All in all, it may be simpler if you can rent a room somewhere or maybe share a flat with other people. Living with family is tough as they are your parents in addition to landlords, and you risk damaging the relationship. Also, they may still feel the urge to parent you, which isn't ideal for you as an adult, or for them as they shouldn't have that responsibility anymore. I'd honestly say that it isn't worth it just to save for a flat. Continue renting and keep your independence (and your relationship with your family). It would take years to save enough, and that can't be healthy for any of you.

Roy_The_Boy

I'd say give them 50 quid a month and tell them to swivel for the rest if they're making you pay for petrol on top make sure you smoke the hell out of the tyres on the motor every time you use it. Get your money's worth out of them!

Roy:money:

Pollycat

Roy_The_Boy wrote: »

I'd say give them 50 quid a month and tell them to swivel for the rest if they're making you pay for petrol on top make sure you smoke the hell out of the tyres on the motor every time you use it. Get your money's worth out of them!

Roy:money:

Great negotiating skills you have there, Roy. :whistle:

SteveBP

There will never be just one answer to this. It will depend on how close knit the family are and the financial position of not just the parents but the child as well and the employment they have.

For most it could be considered fair to expect a contribution towards the TRUE additional costs that the parents see. As a minimum this is likely to include food and utilities.

However, just because you have moved back in this doesn't increase your parents mortgage so a contribution towards the mortgage shouldn't usually be necessary.

If you still rented you'd be having to pay for your full food, utilities, insurance, rates, etc anyway and a proportion of your parents is likely to be less than would have to pay for your rental property. The clear area of significant gain would therefore be the rent that you no longer had to pay. You should therefore be quids in on all things except food.

Its a case of siting down and having a calm and open discussion showing understanding for both sides. It shouldn't have to become a bitter, confrontational issue.

Roy_The_Boy

Pollycat wrote: »

Great negotiating skills you have there, Roy. :whistle:

Thanks Polly Theresa taught me well

akira181

It sounds like the OP saw their parents as a free meal ticket and decided to move in to save money without discussing anything or doing the maths, like basic living expenses and is the longer commute cost effective.

Since basic living expenses like food, utilities and such were not considered beforehand, I can only assume the basic living chores like shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc were also not considered and done by the parents too.

I wonder if the parents were even consulted on the move or if it was "I'm taking my old room back for a little while" and a while has been longer than expected, hence the ask for contributions.

But without more information, like how much they're asking and what the OP does to contribute and how long it's been, it's impossible to accurately say if one side is trying to take unfair advantage. Don't forget there's annual costs like insurances, MOT, taxes, car maintenance, etc that the OP would be saving on as well

Liz_Kerr

Where ever you live, whoever is your landlord is you have to pay the going rate. If you are using their vehicle of course you should pay towards the petrol,(perhaps you should be paying towards its maintenance too) eating the food of course you should pay. It sounds like you were coming home to be subsidised by your parents. Perhaps you should adjust your lifestyle to suit your means, not expect them to pay for it.

Its not mean of them to ask you to pay, sounds to me you are pushing your luck.

Tiptaker

So you expect your parents, who may be living on a pension or on their way to doing so, to support you? How old are you? Old enough to have lived away and old enough to realise that living costs money. If your parents offer to help you buy a property that's one thing, expecting it to be your right that they make sacrifices is something different.

cloud_dog

Snowflake ..........