Elderly parents moving in

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Mortgages & Endowments
32 replies 1.9K views
13

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  • Sea_Shell wrote: »
    Are her parents ex-pats living abroad (eg Spain), or EU nationals. Could make a difference?

    Are they actually fit enough to travel?

    EU nationals. I'm hoping to look into their status and implications, Monday, when phone lines open. She is going to look into whether or not they are fit to travel.
  • getmore4lessgetmore4less Forumite
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    francis21 wrote: »
    GF and I are buying leasehold property on a mortgage. GF wants to move her elderly parents in. Does mortgage company need to know? If we split up, will having them living there make it harder for me to get out, could GF and parents stop me selling?
    francis21 wrote: »
    Hi,

    No, I don't want them moving in.
    Flat is too tiny and we won't cope. Can i stop her though? Horrid feeling I'll get home from work one day and they'll be there. They are both old and infirm, currently live abroad and she wants to help.

    Don't buy the place.
  • TigsteroonieTigsteroonie Forumite
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    Don't buy the place.
    Read the full thread. He's already bought, has been living there two years. (OP was badly phrased.)
    :heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    :) Proud Parents to an Aut-some son :)
  • suki1964suki1964 Forumite
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    Seriously, you need to stop this now

    Im a lot older and wiser and Im struggling now in my 50s caring for an 80 year old and thats in a house that was purposely bought to accommodate two generations. If it had been in a flat, Id be in prison by now

    Im now looking at a retirement without full pension as Ive missed so many years due to my own problems and caring responsibilities of elderly parents who are not entitled to attendance allowance

    You are a young couple, ( I guess) and you possibly want a family of your own, how are you going to finance all that on top of paying for the care of the elders? At least our kids were grown and had flown the nest and we could afford to buy outright a home that was big enough that there is room for us all

    Sounds harsh but thats the reality. You need to have this conversation and you need it sooner rather then later

    Ive made my bed, if I had known at 40 I was going to still be a carer going into my 60s and possibly longer, Id have chosen something different
  • getmore4lessgetmore4less Forumite
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    Sell if allready bought.
  • csgohan4csgohan4 Forumite
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    GF wants to test if the state will provide care.


    As above, caring is a full time job if done properly and it's not something to take lightly, it will likely stall your career at best and worst you will end up without a decent job
    "It is prudent when shopping for something important, not to limit yourself to Pound land/Estate Agents"

    G_M/ PIxie/ Bowlhead99 RIP
  • melanzanamelanzana Forumite
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    Just wondering if the EU country of the GF's parents would provide any supports for the elderly/ill? Maybe check that out first.

    If not, I think you have decisions to make. You definitely do NOT want the in laws living with you in a tiny flat. And I don't blame you to be honest.

    But more's to the point, do the in laws actually want to live with you!

    Needs a bit more discussion with GF. If she turns out not to be listening, you really will have up your game. The flat is half yours remember.

    Best of luck, not an easy situation to be in.
  • suki1964suki1964 Forumite
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    melanzana wrote: »
    Just wondering if the EU country of the GF's parents would provide any supports for the elderly/ill? Maybe check that out first.

    If not, I think you have decisions to make. You definitely do NOT want the in laws living with you in a tiny flat. And I don't blame you to be honest.

    But more's to the point, do the in laws actually want to live with you!

    Needs a bit more discussion with GF. If she turns out not to be listening, you really will have up your game. The flat is half yours remember.

    Best of luck, not an easy situation to be in.

    From the tiny bit of info that the op has given, Im assuming its from on of the poorer EU states, otherwise why would you come here?

    The EU states that are richer then us, or on par, offer much better care for the elderly

    OP, you are not married. You have to think on now how you want your life to pan out, and you may need to make some very distasteful choices. But believe me, if you don't make them now, you have a whole lifetime ahead to regret them

    As I say, Im not posting like this to knock you for six, Im posting from someone who is living the reality, not having looked ahead for my own future
  • csgohan4csgohan4 Forumite
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    sadly the GF and future in laws may not see it that way and will see it as 'it's us or them' mentality and 'selfishness' at worst.


    Naturally the GF wants to do what's best for her parents without looking at the bigger picture
    "It is prudent when shopping for something important, not to limit yourself to Pound land/Estate Agents"

    G_M/ PIxie/ Bowlhead99 RIP
  • DCFC79DCFC79 Forumite
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    Keep us updated OP.
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