Levels of support in a relationship

Takeaway_Addict

OP has done a runner- just hope she apologised to her OH....

robertclyne

I feel sorry for your boyfriend. He might've put a lot during his last relationship but all his efforts weren't enough for her ex. I think the word support is a trigger for his insecurity for not being able to satisfy his partner no matter how much hard he works. Regarding your text message, he might've taken it as a sarcastic remark.

Pollycat

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

OP has done a runner- just hope she apologised to her OH....

Or maybe she read the replies and took them on board.
With less than 300 posts in just under 10 years, she's not really a regular poster.

The OP has had a fair amount of 'stick' on this thread, I'm not surprised she's not come back (although the thread was only started less than 2 weeks ago).

I hope she's salvaged her relationship and learned something about communications from the comments of strangers.

magicgirl

Wow! I am actually quite shocked at the insensitive nature of some of these responses and I agree that it could well be a reason to avoid this thread. However, it is also important for others going through same to get the detail they may need to deal with a similar issue in future.
If OP sees this, I want to start by saying that I hope the general low feelings have past and you are able to think of your husband with the find memories again.


While I understand some of the points made, I think they could have been explained better. I think seven-day-weekend said pretty much what I was going to say - that his offer to cancel was his way of showing support. While I understand your reasons for sending the message, he really won't as in his mind, he did what he could and your frustrations come more from your unmet expectations than anything he specifically did wrong. I hope you have both managed to move past this but I think it would be worth discussing with him what support looks like to you (although perhaps use different language such as 'I appreciate what you did by offering to stay with me but all I really needed from you was XYZ' think is, a quick 'you okay?' text from him might make him think he is meeting your need when what you actually want is a few sentences and you could still end up feeling down because 'all' he sent was a check in iyswim. THis is why communication is important to ensure you both understand what the other is trying to say with their actions. Good luck and I hope you have some happier times ahead. x

Pollycat

magicgirl wrote: »

Wow! I am actually quite shocked at the insensitive nature of some of these responses and I agree that it could well be a reason to avoid this thread.

When you put your personal issues out in the public domain, you will get people who agree with you and people who don't.
That's life.
Most posters disagreed with the OP - including me.
I don't consider any of my responses to be insensitive.
Blunt maybe, but not insensitive.
I was the posters who said:

Pollycat wrote: »

The OP has had a fair amount of 'stick' on this thread

but in my opinion the comments were fair.
Harsh maybe, but fair.

FTR, I didn't understand the reasons for sending the message at all.
The OP was just trying to make her boyfriend feel bad for not reading her mind.

But this is just going over old ground.
Maybe it would be more sensitive to let the thread die as it's highly unlikely that the OP is coming back to update/comment further. :think: