PayPal mess

WhenIam64

’ve just been put on a preventative inhaler and taking it more often and I think it’s because of all of my stress.

AFAIK there is help for families of gamblers as they are the ones that carry the burden. We have local charities and support groups here but it varies by location. Check out the Gamcare website (bottom of page) or talk for your local CAB.

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family

LadyDee

Maybe stop giving him money which should be for your child's benefit.

MEM62

Clouds88 wrote: »

Thank you for your replies. What do I do about the actual money owed though? This guy knows where we live. He seems to be a harmless student but that’s not the point, he said he has family in debryshire police I just don’t want any violence or hassle at My door.

He might or might not have family in the Police. Frankly, it is irrelevant. If the matter is reported to the Police then you will be able to explain the situation to them and they can deal with your husband.

Clouds88 wrote: »

I pay for all bills rent ect and it comes out of my bank and I get the UC and my wages into mine too. I let him keep the child benefit £130 a month as a way of having some funds and the rest covers our outgoings.

You need to stop giving you husband money. Also realise that it is not your responsibility to repay this debt. I understand that you are motivated to do so because you are afraid of the consequences but you need to let your husband face these.

Clouds88 wrote: »

He has recently had a meds’ review, he’s been changed and due to see them again next week. He sees a counsellor for his issues once a week. So next step is to tackle the gambling. I will close his PayPal account and eBay and I have asked for access to emails and bank.

Close all access to gambling, PayPal and bank accounts that you can. You might find that you cannot closed the PayPal account while this issue is pending. However, at least let them know of the fraud so that the account can be frozen and no longer used.

You are bailing you husband out for the sake of the family. Whilst laudable this approach has its drawbacks - particularly for you emotionally. You need to step back and let him deal with things. Your priority is you and the kids.

Clouds88

LadyDee are you just a troll? I purposely ignored your first message but to answer the second message... he has Been a tax payer himself for over ten years, the gambling and health problems are recent (over the last year). I am not defending what he did at all, but I don’t think your whole benefits bashing post is helpful.

As a person with a first class science degree and good job (but I am part time) I do not need advice regarding how to spend the top up benefits we are having in this particular stressful tome I am having right now. My hopes for the future? I will go full time with my income brining home 40,000 plus when my daughter hits school age in 1.5 years and then my husband will have hopefullysorted himself out and Possibly go back to his degree or at least get a minimum wage job so I think with a minimum household income of 55,000 we will no longer be eligible for benefits? Our surplus at present is £260 a month if we don’t need new clothes or have any emergencies ect hence why I let him have his share, I think that’s
My rant over so please take your opinions on someone else’s thread. Thanks

TheGardener

LadyDee wrote: »

Maybe in certain situations, the introduction of food stamps instead of money would ensure the money goes where it should. Even if it means someone in your position has to request this. I am outraged that this man has £130 per month to fritter away on gambling - £130 funded by taxpayers. Put it in named savings accounts for the children as his contribution to his children's futures. I would love to have £130 per month free spending money!

Please spare us your Victorian workhouse morality and outrage.
7.5 million families claim CB and the money they receive goes into the family purse - I doubt there are many families who 'ring fence' it in isolation.
This board is for help and support for those in dire circumstances - and unlike some other boards, it is not for posters to vent their social 'outrage' at others lives (for example, try asking a sensible question about right to buy on the House Buying etc board...)

The OP has no need to justify herself to you or anyone else and made it clear in her first post that she had come to this board specifically to avoid the kind of hysterical, tabloid 'outrage' posters are often subjected to on some boards. Please follow the board rules and, if you have to post at all - find something constructive or supportive to say.

maxmycardagain

Clouds88 wrote: »

Right he has no access to his eBay account now and has agreed to go to the shop to self exclude tomorrow and call the gambling support group that is on Tuesday evenings in our town and start going there.



He has no money left on his bank card and no way of getting it, I’ve changed the PayPal password so I’m praying he can’t get into any more mess now. It’s so difficult because if he gets better we could be really good again but I resent him so much at the moment for all he’s put me through, I can’t leave because I’m scared he’ll hurt himself and he won’t have anything left. But being with him is constant stress at the moment, I’ve just been put on a preventative inhaler and taking it more often and I think it’s because of all of my stress.

Change all your own passwords, inc your wifi router (if you have one) and dont leave cash lying around, ask which shops he has self-excluded himself from and check..

be wary of item going missing out the house that he might get cash for at a second hand shop/cash converters

TimeToRebuild

Unfortunately this is getting out of hand, he has scammed a company and also scammed a student who has probably saved up for a long time to get that amount of money.

You are stuck in a situation trying to protect your husband but you need to think about yourself and your children.

I would speak to the police, he has committed a crime and you trying to help him is involving you in this crime, he needs serious help and so do you, its not up to you to do this alone.

Do what is right and speak to the police.

Sorry you are having to deal with all this.

Clouds88

Just an update on this...

So because he paid by PayPal family and friends, we cannot refund him there and PayPal are saying it is his loss when re rang them.

I said to the man I won’t be paying him out of my own money, it’s for my husband to sort out and can he report him to the police and we can get it sorted properly via a third person. I also suggested doing a charge back via his bank and he said he only paid 1/3 through his bank and the rest he had in PayPal anyway so wasn’t keen on that. I then delelted my Facebook and expected to wait for the police to visit us.

That was a few days ago, today we get court forms through the door for the small claims court. My husband is obviously going to admit that he needs to repay the money but because he has no job, no income and is insolvent can he pay like £50 a month back?

Annoyed that the guy didn’t refer it to the police, not sure why, also he lied on the claim saying my husband asked for friends and family which he didn’t, I know it’s besides the by but no need to lie on his part.

Also he received an email tonight with our home number from him saying ‘hahaha’ I get that he is annoyed but I wanted to sort it out civically and he is harassing us alongside submitting the court claim.

Just to clarify he isn’t in any debt with PayPal now, just this one. I’ve closed his PayPal account/gumtree/eBay. He’s just got one bank account that I’ve got access to.

Thank you for everyone’s responses on this.

onwards&upwards

Clouds88 wrote: »

I don’t want to involve my family as being biased, they are likely to think I deserve better and dislike him for it. Apart from that I don’t have anyone else to talk to hence turning to these forums.

.

Is it possible that part of the reason you don’t want to hear this from them is that part of you agrees?

Your husband has really crossed a line with his criminal behaviour, where is your line in the sand for intolerable behaviour? How serious will the impact need to be on you and the children?

phillw

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Is it possible that part of the reason you don’t want to hear this from them is that part of you agrees?

Your husband has really crossed a line with his criminal behaviour, where is your line in the sand for intolerable behaviour? How serious will the impact need to be on you and the children?

I'm not sure that is helpful. The OP appears well aware of the impact and how close things are getting to having to do something more.

My mum's half brother was a gambling addict, he stole money out of their mothers handbag when she was laying in a hospital bed where she eventually died. At that moment he just couldn't stop himself, he has to take responsibility that he let his life get that bad without noticing. You don't notice because it happens gradually.

The important thing is he starts taking responsibility for turning his life around. It won't be quick or easy, which for an addict is absolute hell.

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family