PayPal mess

Clouds88

Hey guys apologies for posting here and not the debt free forum but I feel I will get a roasting there and genuinely looking at what I can do.

As you know I am under bankruptcy until May and my husband got a DRO in jan. he’s not currently working just me and is suffering badly with mental health issues.

His most recent thing he has done is tried to scam PayPal, I genuinely think he’s either developed a gambling problem or it’s his mental health issues firstly as he’s never done this before. So he pretended to sel a laptop on gum tree and someone sent him the money goods and services (smart person) and he managed to get £300 out of his PayPal account and spent it in a coral shop (I self excluded him online last year due to spending too much and recklessly online horses) anyway that payment got reversed thankfully and he was -£300 PayPal.

Fast forward and he did it again to someone who stupidly sent it friends and family. (My husband didn’t ask for F&F by the way he just sent it that way) I found out because the guy he got the money from tracked the GPRS and IP address but to my neighbour and started to give him grief on Facebook. So my neighbour messaged him so that’s the first time
I found out about all of this.

I then messaged the guy and apologied and am trying to sort out how to repay him but my husband has already spent another £300 at coral shop again. So we have £300 of the £900 money left he sent. I am obviously fuming at my husband and trying to work out how best to try and help him but also I can’t deal with this sort of stuff much Longer if it continues.

What we have done is submitted the same amount £900 from his account to the one who sent it in the first place in hope that we will be in minus with PayPal and can just repay it bit by bit. But at present it’s pending and I’m sure it’s not going to work as he hasn’t got the full amount in his bank. He called PayPal and explained what happened but they said they couldn’t reverse it as it was friends and family. Apparently he wanted to scam PayPal and not the inidividual himself but as he’s sent it friends and family It’s all so messed up.

If this doesn’t go through I’m worried about sending the money bit by bit myself incase he goes to the bank to get it refunded or court and then we will be paying it twice over. I think my husband deserves punishment but we have two kids and it is me who works and will be having to shell out the rest of the money and don’t want to get stung twice.

Thanks if you made it this far.

Paparika

Think you need to report your husband to the police / action fraud.

Also get him banned from these shops.

Try and get him to his doctor to review his medication.

maxmycardagain

take his laptop/PC/phone off him and block his access to the internet/wifi/router/broadband too

TheGardener

Dealing with the consequences of someone else's actions when they are not acting responsibly and suffering mental health issues is a huge problem. You need to protect you - so any actions your partner takes that have the potential to impact on you - you can try and sort out. If the impact will be on him alone, then you need to step back and don't try and 'save' him. Don't accept responsibility for the actions of others even if you think you are trying to help.

Close any online accounts that are yours or linked to you. Don't try and mop up his mess or he will just keep letting you. You are effectively enabling his behaviour and actions and supporting him in this destructive behaviour.

If the internet access is in your name - end the contract and close the account.

Clouds88

Thank you for your replies. What do I do about the actual money owed though? This guy knows where we live. He seems to be a harmless student but that’s not the point, he said he has family in debryshire police I just don’t want any violence or hassle at My door.

I pay for all bills rent ect and it comes out of my bank and I get the UC and my wages into mine too. I let him keep the child benefit £130 a month as a way of having some funds and the rest covers our outgoings.

He has recently had a meds’ review, he’s been changed and due to see them again next week. He sees a counsellor for his issues once a week. So next step is to tackle the gambling.
I will close his PayPal account and eBay and I have asked for access to emails and bank.

TheGardener

You don't owe the money, your husband does. Your husband needs to deal with that. He needs to contact the guy and be honest with him.

You already have control of the household income and perhaps until he is better, its best staying that way. Make sure he cannot access your bank account - hide your cards, don't have contactless, protect and change passwords, pins regularly etc. I know it sounds a bit harsh but addicts and some people with mental health issues can be devious (sorry - in know that sounds mean but I have 1st hand experience of this )

If you are ok with him blowing the CB that's up to you. If necessary - you could message the counsellor and let them know what's happening, you cant rely on your husband being honest with the counsellor if he is unwell - they wont be able to discuss what is talked about in the sessions with you but you can let them know.

katsu

I'm sure people on DFW would try to help you as it seems generally very understanding.

Can you reduce the child benefit money your husband has to spend, and use that to repay the person he has stolen the money from? Maybe you can try and get your husband to agree to this?

If the person he has stolen from has relatives in the police then I do not think there will be any violence as they will not want to get into trouble for that, so hopefully you do not have to worry about that any more. However, if your husband has now stolen money from 2 people/1 person and paypal, then maybe it is not such a bad thing if the latest victim does report your husband as maybe it will help your husband to realise what he is doing and get help? Or it might make him stop and not do anything else like this?

Maybe as The Gardener says, your husband having to apologise to the chap and repay him will help stop him doing these things?

I'm really sorry you are in this situation, it must be so very difficult for you. I hope you have support around you and people you can talk to as it must be very worrying for you.

TonyMMM

As you realise, what he has done is a crime - whether he intended to steal from an individual or PayPal, it makes no difference.

His mental health issues will not be any defence, but, if he appears in court may be used in mitigation.

Tallaght

Your husband can self exclude himself from shops as well.If he carries on then the police might get involved.

TheGardener

Tallaght wrote: »

Your husband can self exclude himself from shops as well.If he carries on then the police might get involved.

You are quite right about the police - but when someone is suffering from serious mental health issues - they don't think rationally - you can't 'reason' with them.

An addict is unlikely to 'self exclude' themselves - that's what being an addict is - lacking the ability to stop doing something even if its destructive. It takes a lot of work and help to be able to do that.

However, it doesn't mean they are not responsible for their actions - they absolutely are.

Clouds88

Right he has no access to his eBay account now and has agreed to go to the shop to self exclude tomorrow and call the gambling support group that is on Tuesday evenings in our town and start going there.

Thanks for all your input. His dad knows about most of this stuff and his mum about his severe depression so I mainly talk to his dad, I don’t want to involve my family as being biased, they are likely to think I deserve better and dislike him for it. Apart from that I don’t have anyone else to talk to hence turning to these forums.

He has no money left on his bank card and no way of getting it, I’ve changed the PayPal password so I’m praying he can’t get into any more mess now. It’s so difficult because if he gets better we could be really good again but I resent him so much at the moment for all he’s put me through, I can’t leave because I’m scared he’ll hurt himself and he won’t have anything left. But being with him is constant stress at the moment, I’ve just been put on a preventative inhaler and taking it more often and I think it’s because of all of my stress.