Can you ever turn down request to be a bridesmaid

Gloria_Steeth

PasturesNew wrote: »

And, if you did do it - and then split up ... you'd be forever the "ex of XYZ" on their wedding photos!

Photoshop is their friend...

---

---

OP,

It's understandable how you would be put on the spot and not know how to respond to such an offbeat invitation to be bridesmaid to people you've only recently met.

What does your boyfriend think? If he's all for it, it makes it a little more awkward for you to decline but I agree with others here that it's braver to grasp the nettle now and just explain to the bridal couple how uncomfortable you feel about such a prominent role in their big day.

It's not easy, so, Good Luck!

pickledonionspaceraider

Perhaps the Bride is trying to do what she thinks is right in her own way - by her family/guests.... and attempting to include you, to avoid you potentially sitting on your own all day/upsetting her brother - as the best man may end up being seated at the top table....etc

Weddings are so awkward. It is really hard planning one as everyone you invite/or don't, or offer a role to/or don't, has an opinion about every smithereen of it = and she could be more worried about offending YOU, than you realise.

The thought of turning it down, just depends on what kind of woman the Bride is.....If you turn it down, she may hold it against you forever, but some Brides wouldn't worry at all - so it just depends on her outlook really - HOWEVER, having said that, it does come across as a token offer, so I seriously doubt it will upset her that much

Good luck OP

Pollycat

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Perhaps the Bride is trying to do what she thinks is right in her own way - by her family/guests.... and attempting to include you, to avoid you potentially sitting on your own all day/upsetting her brother - as the best man may end up being seated at the top table....etc

Weddings are so awkward. It is really hard planning one as everyone you invite/or don't, or offer a role to/or don't, has an opinion about every smithereen of it = and she could be more worried about offending YOU, than you realise.

The thought of turning it down, just depends on what kind of woman the Bride is.....If you turn it down, she may hold it against you forever, but some Brides wouldn't worry at all - so it just depends on her outlook really - HOWEVER, having said that, it does come across as a token offer, so I seriously doubt it will upset her that much

Good luck OP

Surely it depends on what the OP finds comfortable...not what kind of some new, random woman in the OP's life thinks...

LoisGriffin

I do think it’s one thing turning down somebody in your life but that much harder when you are trying hard to make a good impression on your new boyfriends life long friends.

They just love him so much which I understand because I do too so they think having me as bridesmaid will mean he enjoys the day more. I think it’s a gesture from a place of much love.

They don’t have a specific date or a day completely planned. They just have a plan for next summer. I might try and speak to her at some point about this and see how I get on. Give her the option of not feeling like she has “had to” ask me.

Thank you all for the replies.

Mojisola

LoisGriffin wrote: »

I have been asked to be a bridesmaid but would like to say no.

I just feel awkward about being asked, would like to help in a more background role.

LoisGriffin wrote: »

They just love him so much which I understand because I do too so they think having me as bridesmaid will mean he enjoys the day more. I think it’s a gesture from a place of much love.

I might try and speak to her at some point about this and see how I get on. Give her the option of not feeling like she has “had to” ask me.

You run the risk of her thinking that she can't change her mind now she's asked you. You could go through the whole process with her wishing she hadn't asked you and you not wanting to be there and, possibly, the other bridesmaids thinking of you as an intruder into their friend's day.

Why not be honest and say that you'd love to help but in a background role?