Can you ever turn down request to be a bridesmaid

NBLondon

maman wrote: »

I'm surprised you've been asked as they can hardly know you.

Presumably, they know OP's boyfriend well and may well be offering the position of 3rd bridesmaid out of politeness to him. In the same way that many feel they should offer bridesmaid positions to groom's female relatives as well as bride's - even if they don't know them well.

JayJay100 wrote: »

You could have a get out of jail free card though. As your relationship is so new, you could say that as much as you'd love to, you feel as though the honour should go to a long-term friend or relative, and you don't want to tread on any toes.

That's a good solution. See how the bride reacts.

PasturesNew

You're right to say "No". They must be "mad" asking "a fairly new girlfriend" to be a bridesmaid .... so easy for you to have split up close to their day. Madness.

Thanks but no thanks.

And, if you did do it - and then split up ... you'd be forever the "ex of XYZ" on their wedding photos!

NOOOOOO!

chesky

PasturesNew wrote: »

And, if you did do it - and then split up ... you'd be forever the "ex of XYZ" on their wedding photos

Quite, but she can't really give that as a reason.

Brighton_belle

It is always alright to say no to anything.
And it is definitely ok to say no to being a bridesmaid. It's a request to a social gathering, not a legal summons. I mean some people turn down honours from the queen and the sky does not fall on their head.
If you have already given the impression you will do it, now is the time to quickly get in and say you were very honoured to be asked but now you have had time to think you realise you would much rather be an ordinary guest.
Be warned, these days being a bridesmaid can be very expensive. Get ready to decline the hen do too.

Kynthia

Yes you can decline. The earlier the better really as leaving it late would definitely make things worse.

It's harder to decline the closer you are to the bride. However as long as you do it nicely and with a decent reason then it should be fine. Preferring to be in the background rather than stood up in front of people is one I could understand.

Be careful not to give a reason that's very easy to solve, as if the bride feels you do want to be a bridesmaid but for this issue she may try to work it so that you still can be.

Gavin83

It is a difficult decision. Some brides wouldn't care, some would never talk to you again. Only you can really judge which she is and if that's even important to you.

Given the circumstances I'd imagine she asked you because she felt obliged to, rather than because she considers you a friend. Who knows maybe the husband to be pushed her into it. Given that she might even be relieved if you say no.

Slinky

I'm with the thoughts that they've asked you to be bridesmaid to be polite to their best man.



We seated our best man's girlfriend (now his wife) on our top table next to him and to hell with convention. But then I didn't bother inflicting being my bridesmaid on somebody, having a hen do, or the old/new/borrowed/blue traditions either.

Mojisola

Gavin83 wrote: »

It is a difficult decision. Some brides wouldn't care, some would never talk to you again. Only you can really judge which she is and if that's even important to you.

I'd find it easier to have someone I don't know not talk to me again than put up with all the bridesmaid stuff - think of all the hassle, spread over months, where you're going to have to be happy and excited on the surface and spending your own money while you're wishing you were anywhere else.

northwalesd

svain wrote: »

i turned down best man ... wasnt a big deal. Just explained i had done it before and hated the experience and thought someone else would be better for the job

Me too, I suggested he ask his brother to be best man and they were both delighted.

TBagpuss

Yes, it is absolutely alright to say no.

Ideally you say no in a way which doesn't leave them feeling offended, but like any other invitation, it's an invitation, not a summons.

A response along the lines of "Thank you so much for asking me - I'm flattered that you thought of me, but I'm afraid it won't be possible. "

It sounds as though they may well have asked you becuase your partner is best man rather than because they have a cloe relationship with you, which should mean that it is less likely to be an issue if you say no.

You don't have to give a reason, but if you do, make it simple and don't over-elaborate (e.g. "I really wouldn't be comfortable in such a prominent role" for instnace.)