Can you ever turn down request to be a bridesmaid

LoisGriffin

I have been asked to be a bridesmaid but would like to say no. Is this ever ok.

Weddings are really not my thing at all, but new boyfriend is a best man next summer and the couple getting married have asked me to be a bridesmaid. I have said how lovely this is and what an honour it is to be asked but i am not sure that I can actually say no? I just feel awkward about being asked, would like to help in a more background role.

New man is New but I do think It will be a forever-thing and they must do as well.
Has anyone ever turned down a request and would it be the end of world.

Thank you.

svain

i turned down best man ... wasnt a big deal. Just explained i had done it before and hated the experience and thought someone else would be better for the job

POPPYOSCAR

How can you turn it down?

The bride will probably cry in her veil for weeks if not months or even years.

maman

My SIL asked my DD to be a bridesmaid. As a teenager, she wasn't a very girly girl and hated the idea of a frilly dress so politely declined. I don't think SIL was that bothered.

I'm surprised you've been asked as they can hardly know you. Say no if you want to. Just explain that you'll do anything to help the day go smoothly but prefer to stay in the background.

pearl123

Be true to yourself. If you don't want to do it - just say no thank you.

[Deleted User]

Hi,


better to say no now than have it churning through your mind, and getting worse as the wedding approaches.


Oh, and of course there'll be the wild hen do weekend away somewhere, for the final fling.

Sea_Shell

I should have said no to my best friend, 2nd time round, (first time it was just me) if i'd have known that she'd already asked 4 others, including small children, to be too. She wanted baby-sitters, not bridesmaids!!!

Just politely say "No thank you, I'd prefer to enjoy the day as a guest"

Be prepared though, if your BF is Best Man, you probably won't get to spend much time with him, or sit with him for the meal (if traditional seating) Will you know anyone else there?? Circle of joint friends, or it is just your BF's friend's family?

Pollycat

I'm too am surprised that you've been asked if you've not known your boyfriend for long and clearly have known this couple for less time and less well than him.

If I were getting married I certainly wouldn't ask a new girlfriend of the best man to be bridesmaid.
How long have you been together?

Maybe one of the planned bridesmaid's has dropped out and they just want you to fill in.
Either way, you can say 'no'.

If you say 'yes', you'll be letting yourself in for all sorts of expense - hen nights etc - with people that you may still not know very well by the time the wedding comes around.

However, by not saying 'no' when you were asked, have you given the impression that you will do it?

olgadapolga

When I was 17, my sister got married and wanted me to be a bridesmaid.

She chose a date in the autumn and then decided that, as I'd planned a trip abroad for a few days in the summer, that she'd bring her wedding forward to that particular date, meaning that I couldn't go on my trip without offending all of my family.

I told her that I wasn't going to be a bridesmaid. She was upset, my mum was upset but they weren't as upset as I was about my trip (which HAD to be that particular weekend as it was for an annual event).

She had to make do with one less bridesmaid. I went to her wedding but wasn't very happy about it. No idea if my sister was happy on her wedding day and I didn't really care at that point. My mum was happy because I'd "kept up appearances" by attending the wedding.

Which lasted less than two years before she'd gotten pregnant by another man and he'd left her for her best friend. So whether or not I was a bridesmaid was pretty irrelevant in the end, anyway.

A little different to your issue but if you don't want to be a bridesmaid, just say so. Just say you'd be uncomfortable in the role, or it's not really your thing. Or just say no, but thanks for asking. It's okay to say "no", it really is. You don't need permission to say "no".

74jax

LoisGriffin wrote: »

.

Weddings are really not my thing at all, but new boyfriend is a best man next summer and the couple getting married have asked me to be a bridesmaid. I have said how lovely this is and what an honour it is to be asked.

.

Thank you.

So have you already said yes?

JayJay100

Tricky ground and it can be a difficult one to judge. I've done it twice, explaining that I'm not good at being in the spotlight and would find it very uncomfortable; one bride-to-be was completely understanding and we moved on with no problems, and the other was deeply offended, told me what an honour it was to be asked and never spoke to me again. On the basis of that, when a much-loved cousin asked me to be her bridesmaid, I felt obliged to say yes, and it was actually much better than I thought it would be, but still not top of my list of favourite activities.

You could have a get out of jail free card though. As your relationship is so new, you could say that as much as you'd love to, you feel as though the honour should go to a long-term friend or relative, and you don't want to tread on any toes.