Money debt problem.

kiciaaaa1

elsien wrote: »

If your husband is being unhelpful with regards to cigarettes, carshare and a slightly baffling single person claim, have you sat him down with this budget so he can see for himself it's not sustainable?

Your priorities have to be rent, food council tax before repaying of any other debt. So you need to check you are maximising your income, stop paying the unsecured debts for now then get help from one of the debt charities as to where to go from there.
And do whatever you need to go make your husband see sense.

Edit - can you also find the APRs for the loans and add those on? What were the loans for - specific items or day to day spending because you were struggling?

The most ironic thing is that he did the spreadsheet by himself with all the outgoing and incoming and still thinks he is ok bying cigs....
I can’t find the APR
We do not have any day to day loans most of them are 2 personal loans and I hire purchase car. Credit card and overdrafts.

elsien

Have you looked into doing Care work at all on a relief basis? That way you could pick up shifts around your husbands as and when.

When I said day to day loans, I didn't mean payday. I meant how did your overdraft and credit card debts arise - because of the shortfalls in your budget or to pay for things you wanted rather than what you need?
That's not intended as a criticism but it's important to know how you got into the situation in order to resolve it.

What's your husbands reply when you at straight out "you can smoke or the children can eat?" His cigarettes aren't in your SOA so which bit of it is that money coming from? The SOA needs to be accurate. Warts and all.

kiciaaaa1

elsien wrote: »

Have you looked into doing Care work at all on a relief basis? That way you could pick up shifts around your husbands as and when.

When I said day to day loans, I didn't mean payday. I meant how did your overdraft and credit card debts arise - because of the shortfalls in your budget or to pay for things you wanted rather than what you need?
That's not intended as a criticism but it's important to know how you got into the situation in order to resolve it.

What's your husbands reply when you at straight out "you can smoke or the children can eat?" His cigarettes aren't in your SOA so which bit of it is that money coming from? The SOA needs to be accurate. Warts and all.

I am not sure why cigs didn’t come up... he is spending £12 a week on cigs. When I told him that he just stayed quiet...yes the credit card been used for food and one of the bill.
We stoped buying stuff we want well I did. No b day presents no nothing. He is more careless I dnt know why maybe because he thinks is his money he earned it. He is buying McDonald sometime or things like sweets for children because he is feeling quilts about us not being able to do stuff with them. Trust me I had this convo a million times....I am
Not sure what needs to happen for him to realise we in a deep s...

lessonlearned

Hi kici.

Well done on facing up to what is obviously a very difficult and stressful situation. I know I've been there. One day I woke up and realised I had no money for food, and still 3 weeks of month to go. It's horrible isn't it.

As as I see it you have two seperate issues.

Your first is immediate, petrol and food. The second is sorting out a proper budget, reducing outgoings and perhaps trying to increase income to improve your situation in the longer term.

Can you ask your family for some short term help. Can you access a food bank. Have you got anything you can sell quickly. Car boot, cash converter type place.

For this month just concentrate on food and petrol but you must pay your rent and preferably also your council tax as soon as you can. Try not to let council tax arrears build up.

The golden rule is.....always pay your mortgage or rent first - they are non negotiable. You need to keep a roof over your head. Then your council tax - non payment can carry a jail sentence. Then try and pay your energy bills. Unsecured debt can be deferred, although of course you risk incurring added interest, fines and late payment penalties.

Try and see citizens advice or a debt charity as soon as possible. They will help you get your interest frozen. In the meantime write to all your creditors and explain that you cannot pay them this month but that you are awaiting an appointment with the citizens advice (appts can take several weeks).

From my own experience the credit card companies and banks were the most helpful but the car finance people were very difficult. They kept hounding me for money and became very aggressive.

Keep a spending diary, where you record every single penny you spend. It can be a real opener and it will show you where you can make cut backs.

Try not to despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to work your way through it.

You have come to the right place for help and advice. I would also suggest popping over to the Old Style Board for help and advice with your food and housekeeping bills.

I'm not going to add to the chorus of your partner needs to stop smoking, he knows that and he probably will all in good time. Nagging him really won't help or make him quit quicker. It might even make him more stubborn.

My husband smoked when we hit financial Armageddon but he was addicted to the damn things and found it very hard to give up because he was so stressed out about money. As soon as our financial position started to improve he was able to give up smoking. The irony. :rotfl:

Be patient - you are in this for the long haul. You didn't rack up debts overnight and you won't be able to clear them overnight.

Just do whatever you have to this week to buy petrol and put food on the table. Then you can work out a long term strategy to get your spending under control and start debt busting.

One final point......and I know this is not a nice one.....but you really need life insurance. If either of you dies the other one will be up s... creek. I'm serious. Get some cheap term insurance. ASAP.

Good luck.

lessonlearned

£12 a week on ciggies isnt actually too bad. I really wouldn't get hung up on such a small amount. He does need to stop for health reasons of course as well as financial ones but tbh £12 a week is not going to make a huge difference to your budget at this stage. It's not really worth rowing over.

And don't nag at him for spending on a few sweets for the children.......of course he wants to treat them. Again, as long as he isn't throwing silly money away then a few treats won't break the bank

Yes you want to clear debts but you also have to have some family fun and too much scrimping will make everyone miserable. You need to find ways of building in affordable treats at the same time as debt busting. There are plenty of ways to have free or cheap family fun and days out, even cheap holidays using the Sun newspaper vouchers. There are always deals.

When we were skint I always managed to scrape together enough for a few days away at the seaside using the Sun newspaper deals. It takes a bit of forward planning but you can still have family Fun time and a few treats now and again.

kiciaaaa1

lessonlearned wrote: »

Hi kici.

Well done on facing up to what is obviously a very difficult and stressful situation. I know I've been there. One day I woke up and realised I had no money for food, and still 3 weeks of month to go. It's horrible isn't it.

As as I see it you have two seperate issues.

Your first is immediate, petrol and food. The second is sorting out a proper budget, reducing outgoings and perhaps trying to increase income to improve your situation in the longer term.

Can you ask your family for some short term help. Can you access a food bank. Have you got anything you can sell quickly. Car boot, cash converter type place.

For this month just concentrate on food and petrol but you must pay your rent and preferably also your council tax as soon as you can. Try not to let council tax arrears build up.

The golden rule is.....always pay your mortgage or rent first - they are non negotiable. You need to keep a roof over your head. Then your council tax - non payment can carry a jail sentence. Then try and pay your energy bills. Unsecured debt can be deferred, although of course you risk incurring added interest, fines and late payment penalties.

Try and see citizens advice or a debt charity as soon as possible. They will help you get your interest frozen. In the meantime write to all your creditors and explain that you cannot pay them this month but that you are awaiting an appointment with the citizens advice (appts can take several weeks).

From my own experience the credit card companies and banks were the most helpful but the car finance people were very difficult. They kept hounding me for money and became very aggressive.

Keep a spending diary, where you record every single penny you spend. It can be a real opener and it will show you where you can make cut backs.

Try not to despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to work your way through it.

You have come to the right place for help and advice. I would also suggest popping over to the Old Style Board for help and advice with your food and housekeeping bills.

I'm not going to add to the chorus of your partner needs to stop smoking, he knows that and he probably will all in good time. Nagging him really won't help or make him quit quicker. It might even make him more stubborn.

My husband smoked when we hit financial Armageddon but he was addicted to the damn things and found it very hard to give up because he was so stressed out about money. As soon as our financial position started to improve he was able to give up smoking. The irony. :rotfl:

Be patient - you are in this for the long haul. You didn't rack up debts overnight and you won't be able to clear them overnight.

Just do whatever you have to this week to buy petrol and put food on the table. Then you can work out a long term strategy to get your spending under control and start debt busting.

One final point......and I know this is not a nice one.....but you really need life insurance. If either of you dies the other one will be up s... creek. I'm serious. Get some cheap term insurance. ASAP.

Good luck.

Thank you. We will def pay the council tax and all. Car insurance people are not even interested of what we got to say...I might need to do the food bank to have money for petrol. We can’t borrow from anyone anymore we did that too many times....I know he is stressed and then he is smoking he needs to as well try to take sandwich that I am making him to work instead of buying lunch. I hope it will get better but for now it doesn’t look like it. Till September till my daughter gets 15h in nursery...

lessonlearned

kiciaaaa1 wrote: »

Thank you. We will def pay the council tax and all. Car insurance people are not even interested of what we got to say...I might need to do the food bank to have money for petrol. We can’t borrow from anyone anymore we did that too many times....I know he is stressed and then he is smoking he needs to as well try to take sandwich that I am making him to work instead of buying lunch. I hope it will get better but for now it doesn’t look like it. Till September till my daughter gets 15h in nursery...

It will get better .......all in good time. Just stay focussed and stay optimistic and you will see an improvement but only if you grasp the nettle now and really embrace the challenge.

Summer is coming so you can save money on heat and light. Fruit and veg will be cheaper. Get busy in the kitchen cooking low cost delicious and nutritious food. If you have a garden try growing some fruit, salad bits, and herbs. Bake some sweet treats with the kids. Get your husband involved.

Outings can be free in the summer, take a picnic, a ball, and maybe some bats or tennis racquets. Walks in the park, the woods, the beach if you are lucky enough to live near one. Fresh air and exercise is free and it will lift your spirits and help you stay focussed and happy on your debt free journey.

You have to build in fun and treats or you won't be able to stick to the programme.

Charity shops for clothes, toys etc. Join the library. Museums, art galleries are free and kids love them.

Right now you sound very low and very negative, which is of course understandable. But try not to take a defeatist attitude or you will only sink deeper into the mire. Try and treat frugal living as a game and a challenge, it will make it more bearable.:rotfl:

Don't be hard on your husband.....he's doing his best and it's a huge responsibility to support a family on just one salary. Cut him some slack with the smoking and the odd bought lunch.

You will get better results using the carrot than the stick. Rewards work better than punishments. Encourage him by packing him a delicious lunch instead of just Boring old sandwiches every day. Be inventive.

If he is doing a long commute perhaps he really feels like he needs something hot for lunch. Does he have access to a microwave, if so that opens up a whole range of alternatives to dull and boring sandwiches.

I know money worries put an enormous strain on relationships but nagging will get you nowhere and endless rows about money wasted on smoking and bought lunches will only make matters worse.

Remember......You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. :rotfl:

And try and get to see the CAB or a debt charity.

Vikipollard

Two things jump out to me, which concern me that your SOA is short...

Are you electric only? £25 seems very low for fuel to me, but kudos to you if you can heat/cook/light your home for £25/month.

£100/month for food for 2 adults and 2 kids? Really? Is that what you are actually spending, or is this what you think you spend. I'm not saying you shouldn't be spending that - again, kudos to you if you are - it seems low to me. Particularly when you say that OH goes and fetches McDonalds.

Are you certain you've captured what you're actually spending?

tlc678910

Hi,
I know your little one is home with you but can you get a job that works around your husbands hours? I used to do weekends 5pm -10 pm in a shop and although I didn't earn an awful lot there were no childcare costs and no tax to pay (as low earner). What hours does your husband do? Could you do some evenings or weekends?
Tlc

chesky

Several people on both this thread and your previous one, have mentioned citizens advice, but you haven't responded to the suggestion. Do you know about them? Have you a local branch? They can usually help with advising on your benefits and appealing if you get a negative decision. They will also arrange food bank vouchers and have debt specialists.