Reasonable rules for lodgers?

bobwilson

We've had a number of lodgers stay in our spare room in the past (only one at a time!). Some of them were great to live with, others pretty terrible. The room is to rent for single occupancy with overnight guests allowed 2 nights a week.

However, no matter how nice the lodger is, some would bring home a partner or bf who is extremely unpleasant to be around. He would make us feel uncomfortable in our own home to a point where we'd feel relieved when we're out, or when he's not at home, and anxious about whether he's there when we're walking home.

I understand most people will couple up eventually- the problem is while we can vet potential lodgers, we have no control over whom they bring home. Would it be unreasonable for us to change our rules to "no overnight guests allowed."? or even "no visitors allowed."?

Having said this, not all were bad- some would bring home a nice bf would was respectful of everyone & good company.

quantumlobster

No. It might constrain your market, though.

spadoosh

If you put that i suspect there wouldnt be many people applying. Of course you can put whatever rules you want to impose. Understand most people will reject them though if they think theyre unreasonable.

Comms69

I'd be wary of the type of person you're inviting to your home who are happy to have such rules imposed.


But each to their own.

bobwilson

We don't actually mind visitors, as long as they're respectful. We just don't know how to create a rule for the bad ones.

One of our lodgers started dating a guy who was lovely to begin with, but then a few weeks later he started acting very strangely-

I'd smile & say hi but he'd look at me as if he's seen a ghost or the devil. He'd then act in a very odd manner, making anyone in the kitchen feel uncomfortable. He'd throw pans & kitchenware around & leave a mess for us to clean up after him. He would make it very obvious he wasn't happy to see any of us, to a point where it made life quite uncomfortable. This started happening on a regular basis. As time went on, he also began stomping/jumping loudly upstairs making the ceiling shake to a point it seemed like he was making a game out of it. He'd literally jump out of her bed 10 times an hour, run across her room & run back again.. it would give everyone a heart attack downstairs when he did it- it was just bizarre behaviour. He'd also somehow create a mess in bathroom that looked like a force 10 hurricane hit. He did all of this to such an extreme every day, adding a huge amount of work for myself & our cleaner. It was fine for a few days, but after that the house became quite stressful to live in- solely because of his behaviour. It would have been okay had he been a nice person to be around, but he was just unpleasant in every way. It's quite hard to put in words but just made the atmosphere of the house hard to live with.

Another lodger started bringing a bf home who behaved like he owns the house & we're the renters. He'd park on the driveway without permission, blocking our car, walked on the carpets with shoes on bringing mud everywhere, and be generally disrespectful of normal house etiquette. The closest description of him I can think of is that he acted like a cocky loud chav estate agent, only without the people skills. I was also afraid for my safety when around him, he was quite aggressive in his body language.

Having said this we did have some amazing lodgers with lovely bfs.

Is there any way to deal with this without detracting from decent ones wanting to take the room? I'm not sure I'd want a room with no guests allowed either.

need_an_answer

You are a seasoned LL when it comes to lodgers...you've had a few surely you know the rules for whats acceptable in your home!

your musings here just seem a continuation of yesterdays thread.

Pixie5740

Do you need rigid rules about overnight guests and visitors? Can't you just play it by ear if the visitor turns out to be nice and not there too often say nothing or if the visitor turns out to be a nightmare just tell the lodger not to allow that person back into your home? Lodgers only require reasonable notice to leave so rather than trying to account for every single scenario just go with the flow and if it doesn't work out for whatever reason say "tatty bye."

Although given the number of duff lodgers you've had maybe it's you and not them.

Mojisola

bobwilson wrote: »

We don't actually mind visitors, as long as they're respectful. We just don't know how to create a rule for the bad ones.

He'd throw pans & kitchenware around & leave a mess for us to clean up after him.

As time went on, he also began stomping/jumping loudly upstairs making the ceiling shake to a point it seemed like he was making a game out of it.

He'd also somehow create a mess in bathroom that looked like a force 10 hurricane hit. He did all of this to such an extreme every day, adding a huge amount of work for myself & our cleaner.

Another lodger started bringing a bf home who behaved like he owns the house & we're the renters. He'd park on the driveway without permission, blocking our car, walked on the carpets with shoes on bringing mud everywhere, and be generally disrespectful of normal house etiquette.

It's your house - why don't you say their behaviour is unacceptable the first time any of these things happened?

If their behaviour didn't change, your lodger had two choices - stop bringing that visitor into your house or find somewhere else to live.

bobwilson

Mojisola wrote: »

It's your house - why don't you say their behaviour is unacceptable the first time any of these things happened?

If their behaviour didn't change, your lodger had two choices - stop bringing that visitor into your house or find somewhere else to live.

From my experience, people don't change- no matter how much you highlight their behaviour. It usually ends up just making things awkward, but their behaviour continues. It's usually best to just create a rule or kick them out using some excuse "I'm sorry, the room is needed for a family member in a month." etc.

Was mainly just wondering if anyone had any better ideas to deal with this one. V hard to tell a lodger "we don't want your bf over anymore because he's an a******" lol

Having said that- my ex landlord told my sister the very same thing, he banned her chav bf from the house (which was a relief to everyone)- only he asked me to deal with the situation! I felt very awkward. I still haven't found out a decent way to deal with it to date

CarrieVS

I'm currently a lodger and guests are allowed (but subject to all the same rules I am and I'm responsible for them) however I need permission in advance to have them stay overnight.

I probably would have avoided staying where I couldn't have overnight guests point blank (even though I've not actually had anyone to stay in the time I've been here) but I think permission every time they want someone to stay is perfectly reasonable - if anything more so than the somewhat arbitrary two nights a week - compare having someone over for a week once in a blue moon versus two nights out of seven for months on end.

And then you do have some control over who they bring home - it might be a bit much for you to insist on vetting them all ahead of time but you can at least say no to someone who's been sufficiently problematic in the past, or if you plan on having guests yourself on that date. You can always give an ongoing permission for a given person to stay over Mondays and Thursdays (or whatever) once they've proved to be tolerable!

Comms69

bobwilson wrote: »

From my experience, people don't change- no matter how much you highlight their behaviour. It usually ends up just making things awkward, but their behaviour continues. It's usually best to just create a rule or kick them out using some excuse "I'm sorry, the room is needed for a family member in a month." etc.

Was mainly just wondering if anyone had any better ideas to deal with this one. V hard to tell a lodger "we don't want your bf over anymore because he's an a******" lol

Having said that- my ex landlord told my sister the very same thing, he banned her chav bf from the house (which was a relief to everyone)- only he asked me to deal with the situation! I felt very awkward. I still haven't found out a decent way to deal with it to date

Sorry but lying is rarely the right answer.


If you cant have adult conversations, don't be a LL.