2 days to go! Last minutes nerves. Pep-talk needed

hanspans

Hi everyone,

Just spoken to my mum who is very worried about the BK thing. I am going to court on friday and although I've tried not to be swayed by 'judgements' and 'opinions' of others, my mother just said she didn't feel it necessary to tell anyone as people wouldn;t care, and might thing me worse. Which i know is rubbish because there is a part of her that is a bit worried about what people might think. My gut instinct is not to care, as the people i really love will never judge me on the basis that I am BK anyway.

Any lovely things anyone can say to make it all seem ok?
Very nervous right now, but I have my sister and friend coming over thursday for a beer and a lasagne and then they are coming to the court with me. am so pleased about that.

xx

nomoneyprobs

Hi hanspans, Well done on your decision, it'll be the best 1 you've ever made on the road to sorting out your finances, I did it last month and I feel sooooooo much better, my life has improved dramatically.

Your mums from an older generation where br was thought of differently, You've tried to deal with your debts but couldn't pay them, What your doing now is accepting that and dealing with them through br, bankruptcy or paying them off, it's still accepting them and dealing with them,

Good luck for the court day, it's really not as bad as you expect, enjoy your meal with your sis and friend and look forward to a new debt free life.

Ian x

hanspans

thank you, just what i needed to hear. you are right, i am dealing with it the best way i know how to. glad your life has improved dramatically. i can't wait. am so excited to come home after work and not have to deal with it. i will have time to enjoy some new hobbies for once! thank you xx

gratton20

I think you are going through the same last minute nerves that we all went through. Its normal, hey you know what they say - Being brave is not being unafraid - it means being afraid but still getting on with it!

Seriously there is nothing to worry about, I went BR in September and felt the same way and people here gave me the same advice ... and its true. The court people will be kind and supportive, not judgemental, and if you see him, neither will the judge be. When you have your OR interview that will go ok too so long as you are honest and open about everything (as I am sure you will be).

Older people have a different view of BR - it DID used to be seen as a moral sin and something to be ashamed of, much like having sex before marriage - but like premarital sex there is an awful lot of people doing it - and there always was

These days going BR is seen as a sensible way of dealing with a problem when its the only and or best solution, anyone who cant handle your BR has the problem not you.

Once its all done and dusted you WILL feel better. Every day now I realise with amazement, hey I dont owe anyone anything ... ok it takes some getting used to living within your means and having no credit but I will tell you this its a liberating feeling knowing that you have no debt.

Good luck .. have a drink and laugh before you go to court ... but not too soon before you want to be sober. You will be fine I PROMISE!!:j :j

betterlatethannever

Hello Hanspan.
Nomoneyprobs is spot on.
Initially my parents wanted no one to know about my BR, but then my mum broke down to her neighbour, who was lovely and very understanding, even sent my mum a bunch of flowers and offered me any help i might need. I think that made mum feel better about the whole thing.
Time really is a great healer too. When i first went BR i told no one, now i'll tell anyone i NEED to tell, and, so far. i've had nothing but sympathy, understanding and support.
Just do everything in your own time, you've done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of.
Very best of luck on Thursday and keep us informed.

fermi

Everyone else has said it all really.:beer:

So I just want to wish you luck, and keep posting.

Addicted2Chocolate

I work as an examiner in OR's office, obviously cant say which! Just wanted to reassure you that we are human too and treat people with respect. You will probably find things very straightforward, especially if your debts are only £17K as i believe from your signature.
You will be fine, theres hardly any stigma anymore, dont panic.

Scarlett.1974

Wishing you lots of luck for Friday hanspan, do keep posting and let us know how you get on xx

tigerfeet2006

Everything is going to be fine I'm sure. The anticipation is always worse than the actual event.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))

rog2

hanspans wrote: »

Just spoken to my mum who is very worried about the BK thing. I am going to court on friday and although I've tried not to be swayed by 'judgements' and 'opinions' of others, my mother just said she didn't feel it necessary to tell anyone as people wouldn;t care, and might thing me worse. Which i know is rubbish because there is a part of her that is a bit worried about what people might think. My gut instinct is not to care, as the people i really love will never judge me on the basis that I am BK anyway.

In a way, your mum is right - most people won't care - but I understand your worries. At MOST your bankruptcy will attract a small mention hidden in the depths of your local paper, in addition to the London Gazette (but I doubt many people who know you will even read the London Gazette). I never saw any mention of my bankruptcy in the local paper, nor did I ever meet anyone who had found out about my BR through the press.
I know that there are 'Ghouls' out there who feed off of the misfortune of others and there have been reports of peoples' children getting abuse from their 'schoolmates' due to their parents' bankruptcy, but these are, genuinely, few and far between.
Even if your Bankruptcy is noticed, and commented on, this will not last for very long - to quote another poster 'today's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper'.
Any negative comments, that you may get, will simply serve to demonstrate the 'shallowness' of any relationship that you may have had with that person and will, definitely, show you who your true friends really are.
You are opting for a fresh start and this may include a 'review' of your 'friends'.
I wish you all the very best and admire your courage for facing up to your situation.

Peter_Pan

The way i look at it is that we have all faced and have dealt or are dealing with our problems whereas many out there are still burying their head in the sand (as we have done for years) and i only ever read the bankruptcy listings when i was at my wits end and was contemplating suggesting OH goes B/C.
I'm sure those that read the B/C listings fall into 2 categories apart from creditors reading it of course -

1. They haven't got anything better to do and really should get a life!!!
2. Those that perhaps are thinking that B/C is something they need to consider but haven;t plucked up courage to do anything about it.

Don't worry about it says she whose local paper comes out today and i'm not buying it just in case OH is listed in it. If i don't know if its in or not I won't worry if anyone is going to see it;)

Onwards and upwards