We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum... Read More »
We're aware that some users are experiencing technical issues which the team are working to resolve. See the Community Noticeboard for more info. Thank you for your patience.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
I would like to ask people’s opinions on my fathers death.
Options
Mrstephen
Posts: 19 Forumite
My father married his wife on October 14th 2017.
They were both functioning alcoholics. Although my father, due to illness (hiatus hernia) started reducing his work hours in the last couple of years and most likely drank more in the extra time he had.
On the lead up to his death, his wife did not phone for an ambulance or his 3 sons in the 5 days after turning jaundice yellow, it could probably be assumed that he had carried on drinking.
She finally decided to phone his cousin instead of us, on the 5th day to convince him to go to hospital.
While in hospital, she mentioned that she threw away items that were sentimental to my dad, into the back of a van that was scrapped (which he himself organised the scrapping of) while he was in hospital. The items belonged to my Dad, late Nan and late Grandad and he did not know about this when I mentioned the items to him that I saw.
My Dad was diagnosed with severe cirrhosis of the liver and we were told he might not make it. I would see him every 2 days in hospital and his recovery seemed to be going really well. (Although, not given the all clear yet). The Dr had found an artery in his oesophagus (food pipe) that looked ready to burst. So as a precautionary measure, they fitted a balloon to prevent it from bursting.
My Dad had been in hospital for around 9 days. My brother had visited him and his wife said “I’m glad your here” and she explained how every time my dad went a number two, that he was passing blood. My dad went on to mention that he had passed blood around 7 times that day and around 10 times the previous day. He then vomited blood twice and was induced into a coma and died the next day. She failed again to tell the Dr of my dads condition, that had been worsening for 2 days.
The night before he died, my brother went to stay at my dads house to comfort my dads wife.
In the time my brother was with her, she had mentioned that us 3 boys will get a part of my dads estate when she dies.
Two days after my Dad’s death, she sent us all a text. “I wanted to know if there is anything of your dads you wanted before i start sorting things out” A few days later, we arrived at my dads house. We sat down. She said, “go up stairs and take what you want, there is no jewellery up there though, because he pawned it to pay his bills” We decided it was too early to take things and we left with photos and loads of old phones with cameras on them and said not to throw anything away yet. My Dad was then cremated 10 days after death on the 21st of December.
3 weeks after my dads death, she had 2 old jack russells put to sleep because of liver damage.
2 Dogs that she openly disliked and had said to me and my brother on separate occasions and previous to my Dad’s death “take them, I don’t want them. I will even pay all their food and vet bills”
Some more weeks later. Me and my brother went back round my dads house to pick up some of his belongings. Again, she said, you boys will get when I’m gone” and explained that she would write us into her will along with her sister and 2 nieces.
It turns out that she was not named as a joint tenant on any of the properties that my dad owned.
Due to the rules of intestacy (when there is no will), the 3 of us boys would also become beneficiaries.
My dads house that she lives in was valued at £330,000 although other evaluations on the internet were £385,000. Although the house is considered to need a full refurbishment. Which I agree.
2 chalets in lazedown, both holiday lease only, both with 61 years lease left. One chalet was considered a gutted shell and evaluated at £30,000 the other considered in good condition, new refurb and evaluated at £40,000) I’m no expert, but I believe they are worth at least £40,000 and £50,000 respectively compared to current market.
A garage in Leytonstone (freehold) was evaluated to be between £10,000 - £12,000.
She has not included the land rover 2002 with 60k miles, the 2004 Renault Clio and the classic Mercedes SL 350 onto the estate. she also didn’t mention his bank accounts or anything else he had of value. It seems like she is deliberately trying to undervalue my Dad’s estate.
We visited her on Sunday to pick up my dads dvd collection and work tools and she was speaking about buying us out of the estate as if she was ready to settle probate and distribute the estate already. It’s been only 2 months since my Dad’s death.
This is the chronological order of facts. I’m aware it seems a bit leading, as I do have a biased dislike towards her for trying to estrange my father by not making us feel welcome. She would have drunken emotional outbursts and my 2 young boys was scared of their big dogs, which she would use against them to intimidate them, on more than one occasion.
Thanks for taking so much time to read this very detailed account, as I feel the details are very important.
I would like to stress that I want to hear other people’s unbiased opinion.
Thanks
Steve
They were both functioning alcoholics. Although my father, due to illness (hiatus hernia) started reducing his work hours in the last couple of years and most likely drank more in the extra time he had.
On the lead up to his death, his wife did not phone for an ambulance or his 3 sons in the 5 days after turning jaundice yellow, it could probably be assumed that he had carried on drinking.
She finally decided to phone his cousin instead of us, on the 5th day to convince him to go to hospital.
While in hospital, she mentioned that she threw away items that were sentimental to my dad, into the back of a van that was scrapped (which he himself organised the scrapping of) while he was in hospital. The items belonged to my Dad, late Nan and late Grandad and he did not know about this when I mentioned the items to him that I saw.
My Dad was diagnosed with severe cirrhosis of the liver and we were told he might not make it. I would see him every 2 days in hospital and his recovery seemed to be going really well. (Although, not given the all clear yet). The Dr had found an artery in his oesophagus (food pipe) that looked ready to burst. So as a precautionary measure, they fitted a balloon to prevent it from bursting.
My Dad had been in hospital for around 9 days. My brother had visited him and his wife said “I’m glad your here” and she explained how every time my dad went a number two, that he was passing blood. My dad went on to mention that he had passed blood around 7 times that day and around 10 times the previous day. He then vomited blood twice and was induced into a coma and died the next day. She failed again to tell the Dr of my dads condition, that had been worsening for 2 days.
The night before he died, my brother went to stay at my dads house to comfort my dads wife.
In the time my brother was with her, she had mentioned that us 3 boys will get a part of my dads estate when she dies.
Two days after my Dad’s death, she sent us all a text. “I wanted to know if there is anything of your dads you wanted before i start sorting things out” A few days later, we arrived at my dads house. We sat down. She said, “go up stairs and take what you want, there is no jewellery up there though, because he pawned it to pay his bills” We decided it was too early to take things and we left with photos and loads of old phones with cameras on them and said not to throw anything away yet. My Dad was then cremated 10 days after death on the 21st of December.
3 weeks after my dads death, she had 2 old jack russells put to sleep because of liver damage.
2 Dogs that she openly disliked and had said to me and my brother on separate occasions and previous to my Dad’s death “take them, I don’t want them. I will even pay all their food and vet bills”
Some more weeks later. Me and my brother went back round my dads house to pick up some of his belongings. Again, she said, you boys will get when I’m gone” and explained that she would write us into her will along with her sister and 2 nieces.
It turns out that she was not named as a joint tenant on any of the properties that my dad owned.
Due to the rules of intestacy (when there is no will), the 3 of us boys would also become beneficiaries.
My dads house that she lives in was valued at £330,000 although other evaluations on the internet were £385,000. Although the house is considered to need a full refurbishment. Which I agree.
2 chalets in lazedown, both holiday lease only, both with 61 years lease left. One chalet was considered a gutted shell and evaluated at £30,000 the other considered in good condition, new refurb and evaluated at £40,000) I’m no expert, but I believe they are worth at least £40,000 and £50,000 respectively compared to current market.
A garage in Leytonstone (freehold) was evaluated to be between £10,000 - £12,000.
She has not included the land rover 2002 with 60k miles, the 2004 Renault Clio and the classic Mercedes SL 350 onto the estate. she also didn’t mention his bank accounts or anything else he had of value. It seems like she is deliberately trying to undervalue my Dad’s estate.
We visited her on Sunday to pick up my dads dvd collection and work tools and she was speaking about buying us out of the estate as if she was ready to settle probate and distribute the estate already. It’s been only 2 months since my Dad’s death.
This is the chronological order of facts. I’m aware it seems a bit leading, as I do have a biased dislike towards her for trying to estrange my father by not making us feel welcome. She would have drunken emotional outbursts and my 2 young boys was scared of their big dogs, which she would use against them to intimidate them, on more than one occasion.
Thanks for taking so much time to read this very detailed account, as I feel the details are very important.
I would like to stress that I want to hear other people’s unbiased opinion.
Thanks
Steve
0
Comments
-
I'm sorry you have lost your dad.
I've skimmed through the post but am none the wiser as to exactly what you want 'unbiased opinions' on. They won't affect the distribution of the estate and you'd do better to consult a solicitor if you want to understand the legal position. Strangers can sympathise with the misery of it all, but can't alter anything by giving 'opinions' - these aren't an alternative to proper professional advice.
If there was no will, someone needs to apply for letters of administration. The estate can't just be distributed without going through the necessary steps, given its value.Googling on your question might have been both quicker and easier, if you're only after simple facts rather than opinions!0 -
I would like to hear people’s opinions on her behaviour as a wife. I should of made that more clearer.
My entitlements are not important. I just laid down all the facts and figures. Maybe I should of posted in a different category. It’s not the probate I’m interested in but the concern that she made have had some influence over my father’s death.
I’m very new to the concept of conversing in a forum.0 -
I’m trying to see if I’m justified in going to the police to have her investigated. Essentially.0
-
.........................
If there was no will, someone needs to apply for letters of administration. The estate can't just be distributed without going through the necessary steps, given its value.
What legally happens if someone ignores the law without applying for letters of administration (or probate where there is a will ) ? Does someone have to initiate a prosecution ?Never pay on an estimated bill. Always read and understand your bill0 -
Your step mother seems to assume that she inherits everything as she was married to your Dad. You could direct her to the GovUK website to show that you and your brothers are entitled to a part of it. That is, if the estate was worth £500,000 you and your brothers are entitled to approx £40,000 each.
https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will/y/england-and-wales/yes/yes/yes
Other than the inheritance issue, which you say is not important, I can't see what it is you specifically want the police to investigate. What do your brothers think?Saving money right, left and centre0 -
the Two things that really bother me are the fact she didn’t phone an ambulance until the 5th day after my Dad turned yellow. She also didn’t mention to the Dr that he was bleeding internally for 2 days.
Thanks Am I right to feel suspicious?0 -
They were both functioning alcoholics.She finally decided to phone his cousin instead of us, on the 5th day to convince him to go to hospital.I would like to hear people’s opinions on her behaviour as a wife. I should of made that more clearer.
My entitlements are not important. I just laid down all the facts and figures. Maybe I should of posted in a different category. It’s not the probate I’m interested in but the concern that she made have had some influence over my father’s death.
I’m very new to the concept of conversing in a forum.
My condolences.
OK, so my opinion of her as a wife, given what you have written, would be that she is a drunk, therefore will often be irrational when she's plastered. Same opinion of your father I'm afraid.
You say she rang a cousin hoping to "convince your father to go to hospital" - that implies quite clearly that he did not want to go, & had been choosing NOT to. Quite possibly he was refusing to let her contact you as well, hence she rang the cousin.
What does that matter anyway, it sounds as if he was capable of calling 999 himself.
She may have influenced his death, so you want the Police to investigate. If there were anything to investigate the hospital would have referred it. Your father is responsible for his bad choices I'm afraid.
You want no advice regarding entitlements or probate, therefore I won't join in with giving it.Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.0 -
I was just drafting a reply but SevenOfNine beat me to all the main points I wanted to make.
It's horrible when your parent dies and it's natural to think about what could have been done to extend their lives. It's particularly difficult when a step-parent outlives your own parent, at least that's what I found personally.
You really need to talk to your brothers as you're debating whether to make a very serious allegation about your stepmother to the police.Saving money right, left and centre0 -
the Two things that really bother me are the fact she didn’t phone an ambulance until the 5th day after my Dad turned yellow. She also didn’t mention to the Dr that he was bleeding internally for 2 days.
Thanks Am I right to feel suspicious?
Was there an inquest?
It is the coroner court that looks at how and why people die to see what can be done to avoid future occurrences.0 -
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 351K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 453.6K Spending & Discounts
- 244K Work, Benefits & Business
- 598.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 176.9K Life & Family
- 257.3K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards