Divorce and the house

kingfisherblue

billy2shots wrote: »

Your son with mild learning disabilities will change from child to adult services at 18 so I'm not sure where the education until 25 comes from.
He will also receive benefits PiP or ESA from 18 and your ex will be entitled to carers allowance.
I think you are being hoodwinked into paying until he is 25. If you want to then that's fine but he will receive his own money long before then.

There is a possibility of education until age 25 for young people with special needs. It is not guaranteed however. The change to adult services is at age 19 for SEN, and child benefits can be paid up to the day before his twentieth birthday if still in education. PIP is from age 16, assuming that he qualifies. ESA (or it's equivilent on UC) is paid once child benefits cease, and only if found to qualify.

loady

Wow, what an expanse of replies. Lots of different views here, some quite militant !.

You have to be aware that she will probably have to look after my son for the rest of her life, she has a very strong mothering nature and everything she does is for the kids, yes, she would hope to meet someone in the future. im trying to balance between doing the right thing by my kids, for the mess I created, I was the adulterer. Yes there is some guilt there but things dont happen without reason, if I was happy in my marriage then it wouldn't of happened, it was quite affectionless. Anyway, my daughters, the two eldest girls dont have much to do with me, I might just as well be someone they used to know, but they are civil. This stems from me working nights to allow the wife to be a stay at home mum which basically set the precedence, we lost our first child to a still birth and I think this has always impacted on this, she blames the relationship with the girls for not doing enough but I let her get on with it, blindly...they were never daddies girls and I think she was scared not to be the centre of thier world.

Having read all these replies, im now thinking ill go to my lawyer (already instructed, but trying to avoid additional costs) with the options and see what they say, maybe I sould put in an offer of stop paying mortgage, take a 50k lump on completion of divorce and a clause put in that gives me a further 50k if she cohabits with anyone or sells the property. ?

kingfisherblue

I have our house - my son will need care for the rest of his life. There is a clause that if I cohabit or remarry, the house MUST be sold. I think that's fair enough. I've not met anyone unfortunately, but you never know what's round the corner! I'd like to be in a relationship again. It just hasn't happened for me. It's hard to meet someone when your time is spent caring for someone with severe disabilities.


Other clauses that will force a house sale (in my case, but worth considering for yourself) are if I die, if my son dies, and if my son no longer lives here. Please do ask your solicitor for protection for the future. Your son may need care for te rest of his life, but that won't necessarily be in the family home - he might go into supported living, for example.

loady

kingfisherblue wrote: »

I have our house - my son will need care for the rest of his life. There is a clause that if I cohabit or remarry, the house MUST be sold. I think that's fair enough. I've not met anyone unfortunately, but you never know what's round the corner! I'd like to be in a relationship again. It just hasn't happened for me. It's hard to meet someone when your time is spent caring for someone with severe disabilities.


Other clauses that will force a house sale (in my case, but worth considering for yourself) are if I die, if my son dies, and if my son no longer lives here. Please do ask your solicitor for protection for the future. Your son may need care for te rest of his life, but that won't necessarily be in the family home - he might go into supported living, for example.

my wifes sentiments are the same, which is why after 5 years she feels the time for divorce is right, who wants to be with a separated woman with four kids, my sons disabilities are not severe, he is able bodied but has global delay and can be clumsy, he basically needs a lot of input for life skills for the future. I am lucky in the fact that I am able to live with my mum.

elsien

loady wrote: »

my wifes sentiments are the same, which is why after 5 years she feels the time for divorce is right, who wants to be with a separated woman with four kids, my sons disabilities are not severe, he is able bodied but has global delay and can be clumsy, he basically needs a lot of input for life skills for the future. I am lucky in the fact that I am able to live with my mum.

He might need extra support but that doesn't mean he needs to stay at home for life. Some people with learning disabilities still want to develop their own life and live independently from their parents in the same way as their non-disabled siblings. There's any number of options out there which couid give him that chance if he wishes. He may stay at home, he may not. Again, I wouidn't base your planning on the presumption that your wife may be a carer for life.

loady

kangoora wrote: »

Looks like you are getting mugged, albeit by letter/legal agreement. Also the agreement writer appears to be playing on your sensitivity for your children.

You've already been paying the mortgage for 5 years in lieu of child maintenance. If mortgage is £708, less, say £300 for CM, you've already paid nigh on £25k over the last 5 years alone towards an asset, if they get their way, you will have no entitlement to.

Both options give you nothing (or virtually nothing) in relation to a £400k asset, that could conceivably be worth £600k in 9 years time depending on how house prices turn out. How much has your house gone up by in the last 9 years?

I agree with the above posters, put everything in the pot - savings, pensions, HOUSE - divide by 2 and make a fresh start. You can then pay any CM you are legally obliged to and, if you wish, contribute extra - totally up to you. You may have to wait until the youngest is 18.

What I would not do is sign away my rights to a half of (potentially) half a million quid asset to save £72k - £85k

if her family can afford to help her pay a £700 mortgage plus any other expenses then surely they can afford to help her out with a different house when she has, at least, a £167k deposit.

I assume this has to be a pretty large house (4 or 5 bedroom?), eventually the children will all move out with the possible exception of the special needs child. Why on earth would a person want a 4/5 bedroom house for just 2 of them - more likely is it will be sold (no matter what she is saying now) and a nice 3 bed bungalow or similar would be bought with plenty of cash in the bank left.

Finally, the family can help her out if you don't pay the mortgage - so why on earth are you still paying the mortgage and not just what you are required to pay. Let her family help her out now instead of just when a big payday is on the horizon. Obviously, if you WANT to pay extra that is your privilege - seems to me she is living rent free in a big house whilst working and claiming benefits - nice if you can get it........

See a solicitor

the house was originally 71,000 in 1994, we extended twice by remortgaging, it was originally a 2 bed and is now a 3 bed house, the loft conversion being a very large bedroom.

She works minimal hours in a special school, with a view to further training and better position, my eldest girl is at uni in Manchester (this is her final year) my 19 year old daughter hopes to start uni next year so she would be moving out at some point, they have always had a bed there.

Happier_Me

I think we're missing some really important information here that may sway the answers.

What is the value of both your pensions? As the main earner you may well have built up a decent pension pot and this also forms part of the marital assets. In very simple terms, using a 50/50 starting point you should both be entitled to 50% of the house equity and savings including pension savings.

It's not unheard of for pensions to be of greater value than the family home so you need to take this into consideration too.

martinbuckley

Is your wife not able to work more than 16 hours per week, or is she capping it at that so she can maximise how much the state funds her lifestyle?

I'd say with children of that age, there's no reason why she cant increase her hours, thus reducing her dependency on you and the state.

kingfisherblue

martinbuckley wrote: »

Is your wife not able to work more than 16 hours per week, or is she capping it at that so she can maximise how much the state funds her lifestyle?

I'd say with children of that age, there's no reason why she cant increase her hours, thus reducing her dependency on you and the state.

It may depend on her child with special needs. Without knowing his care needs, or the amount of appointments that he has, your comment is quite judgemental.

Comms69

kingfisherblue wrote: »

It may depend on her child with special needs. Without knowing his care needs, or the amount of appointments that he has, your comment is quite judgemental.

I keep seeing this; 'judgmental' - and what?