Divorce and the house

loady

Hi,

I have been separated for 5 years now, i have 4 children, 21, 19, 16 (mild special needs) and 12, due to my sons special needs he would be in education until he is 25, the situation is amicable and whilst we have our own lawyers we agree that we do not want to incur each other further costs, we are talking with the help of her brother, he is going to try and help her financially with also help from her parents.

Our mortgage has 65k left to pay with about 9 years left on the term, currently i have been paying the mortgage in lieu of paying maintenance, my wife can not afford to buy me out, i wanted 160k, 65k to pay of the balance and 100k as settlement for me, i dont think she is going to be able to get this money, we have all sat down and discussed a way forward and come up with a few options, i have outlined below what is currently on the table.

Option 1.

You pay nothing for the remaining of the mortgage term (101 months) including no commitment for maintenance or any other financial obligations towards wife or the children.
wife would take on the cost of the mortgage and all costs in supporting the children (with some help from myself and her Mum & Dad)
wife would take ownership of the house which would eventually be passed onto the children. This would mean that at some point in the future the upper level of the house could be converted into a separate living area for special needs son with wife able to oversee from living in the lower level.
This would result in your current commitment of £706.83 would not be paid. This would give you £71,389 over the remaining 101 months which if invested over this period would be significantly higher at the point special needs son reaches 25 years of age. (eg 4% PA return would give you about £85k.)

Option 2

You pay nothing towards the mortgage for the remainder of the term however pay £220 per month in maintenance towards the cost of the children until special needs son reaches 25 years of age.
You receive a £10,000 settlement from wife on completion of your divorce.
All other details as above.

Now if left to the courts the house would be sold when the last child leaves education, that will be the one with special needs until he is 25, or i could force a sale of the house, i dont want this as i would essentially be robbing my kids of the roof over their heads, my wife would not be able to afford to buy a like for like house where the children would always have a bed.

Im pretty sure that if i was to accept either offer the mortgage would be paid up with the help she receives, obviously she would avoid paying a lot of interest as it is a capital repayment mortgage, i currently have about 4k in outstanding credit card bills and an outstanding car loan of about 10k, ideally i would like to get a lump out of the house to clear my debts and not have a mortgage to pay, i can then help my kids out finacially off my own back. My wife says she has no intention of ever selling and i believe her, should i look to add some clause to either of the deals that if she cohabited with someone or remarries, sells up or just comes into money that i would get a further amount ?, are the options on the table viable and fair ?

I really dont know what to do, my wife agrees i deserve something from the house, we dont want to go to our respective lawyers until we have an agreement as we both cant afford the costs involved, any advice or other ideas/options would be greatly appreciated, i suggested some type of equity release but i am 48 and she is 53.

is there a way i can get 40k from the house and not pay the mortgage and also not obliged to pay maintenance, i would then sign the house over and walk away, leaving me free to help the kids out off my own back?

EDIT: some extra information, i take home at least 500 a week net, my payslips dont reflect this as i get a little cash to make this figure up, she works 16 hours a week at a special school and also recieves child benefit, child tax credits, DLA for my son with special needs and carers allowance. We think the house is worth 400k i think it is less, maybe 350k

FBaby

Whatever you agree, don't assume your wife will be single all her life, she could very much remarry and the house become am asset of the new marriage with possibly nothing going to your kids.

Tigsteroonie

Loady, I would recommend you edit your first post to remove names, otherwise those close to you may not appreciate being referenced on a forum.

onomatopoeia99

So, option two, you pay maintenance and at the end of it you get £10k out of a £400k house and she has a nice place owned outright to move new bloke into?

Option one, you continue to pay maintenance and extra (the mortgage for a house you're not living in?) She's living in the house so she pays the mortgage. You have your own housing costs to deal with, you're not responsible for hers and the maintenance you pay goes to the costs of housing your children.

You probably need to talk to your solicitor ("Debbie" and her family probably don't want you to though).

Flip it on its head - you go down to 16h / week, move back in and get all the benefits you listed, she moves out, starts renting, goes back to full time working and pays you £220/month maintenance then gets a £10k lump sum after nine years and you keep the house. Do you think anyone will agree to that if you propose it?

You say you can't afford to get lawyers involved, sounds more like you can't afford not to.

NBLondon

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Option one, you continue to pay maintenance and extra (the mortgage for a house you're not living in?) She's living in the house so she pays the mortgage. You have your own housing costs to deal with, you're not responsible for hers and the maintenance you pay goes to the costs of housing your children.

:huh: - Option 1 is loady walks away, paying nothing and getting nothing from the house. The argument being that he can then invest that money from the mortgage payments instead. Since they've been separated 5 years this £700 or so must be in addition to whatever he's paying to live somewhere else.

You probably need to talk to your solicitor ("Debbie" and her family probably don't want you to though).

Yes. These options seem to have been written by brother-in-law and though they might be an attempt at a civilised clean break. But it relies on the assumptions that a) rest of family are going to help out and b) the family unit will always stay as it is. So I think there need to be clauses to cover the possibility that if the family can no longer chip in, they don't suddenly expect loady to pay up again (even if he would aim to do the right thing by the kids) or if someone else comes on the scene; the house must still be in trust for the children (particularly if the third child may not be in a position to live independently as an adult).

elsien

Option 3 - sell the house.
Your older children are going to be moving on to be independent soon. They don't need space to always come back to and your wife does not need a like for like house. She may want that but she doesn't need it and any court decision would be based on the needs of both parties.
Are there any other assets/pensions aside from the house to take into account?

Comms69

loady wrote: »

Hi,

I have been separated for 5 years now, i have 4 children, 21, 19, 16 (mild special needs) and 12, due to my sons special needs he would be in education until he is 25, the situation is amicable and whilst we have our own lawyers we agree that we do not want to incur each other further costs, we are talking with the help of her brother, he is going to try and help her financially with also help from her parents.

Our mortgage has 65k left to pay with about 9 years left on the term, currently i have been paying the mortgage in lieu of paying maintenance, my wife can not afford to buy me out, i wanted 160k, 65k to pay of the balance and 100k as settlement for me, i dont think she is going to be able to get this money, we have all sat down and discussed a way forward and come up with a few options, i have outlined below what is currently on the table.

Option 1.

You pay nothing for the remaining of the mortgage term (101 months) including no commitment for maintenance or any other financial obligations towards Debbie or the children. - This isn't legally binding after 12 months.
Debbie would take on the cost of the mortgage and all costs in supporting the children (with some help from myself and her Mum & Dad) - morally I have issues with this
Debbie would take ownership of the house which would eventually be passed onto the children. This would mean that at some point in the future the upper level of the house could be converted into a separate living area for Jack with Debbie able to oversee from living in the lower level. - She would not be able to do so, as the lender wouldn't allow it.
This would result in your current commitment of £706.83 would not be paid. This would give you £71,389 over the remaining 101 months which if invested over this period would be significantly higher at the point Jack reaches 25 years of age. (eg 4% PA return would give you about £85k.) - How is your wife supporting the family?

Option 2

You pay nothing towards the mortgage for the remainder of the term however pay £220 per month in maintenance towards the cost of the children until Jack reaches 25 years of age. - you have two children to pay maintenance for. Your minimum payment is likely to be higher than this.
You receive a £10,000 settlement from Debbie on completion of your divorce. - From where?
All other details as above.

Now if left to the courts the house would be sold when the last child leaves education, that will be the one with special needs until he is 25 - you cannot predict this. no-one could. , or i could force a sale of the house, i dont want this as i would essentially be robbing my kids of the roof over their heads, my wife would not be able to afford to buy a like for like house where the children would always have a bed. - You have two adult children, they do not require a bed

Im pretty sure that if i was to accept either offer the mortgage would be paid up with the help she receives, obviously she would avoid paying a lot of interest as it is a capital repayment mortgage, i currently have about 4k in outstanding credit card bills and an outstanding car loan of about 10k, ideally i would like to get a lump out of the house to clear my debts and not have a mortgage to pay, i can then help my kids out finacially off my own back. My wife says she has no intention of ever selling and i believe her, should i look to add some clause to either of the deals that if she cohabited with someone or remarries, sells up or just comes into money that i would get a further amount ?, are the options on the table viable and fair ? - There is no guarantee that this house wont be used for care fees in later life. (or as an asset of a new marriage)

I really dont know what to do, my wife agrees i deserve something from the house, we dont want to go to our respective lawyers until we have an agreement as we both cant afford the costs involved, any advice or other ideas/options would be greatly appreciated, i suggested some type of equity release but i am 48 and she is 53. - Does she work?

is there a way i can get 40k from the house and not pay the mortgage and also not obliged to pay maintenance, i would then sign the house over and walk away, leaving me free to help the kids out off my own back? - I doubt it

EDIT: some extra information, i take home at least 500 a week net, my payslips dont reflect this as i get a little cash to make this figure up, she works 16 hours a week at a special school and also recieves child benefit, child tax credits, DLA for my son with special needs and carers allowance. We think the house is worth 400k i think it is less, maybe 350k

So you expect me to pay for your kids home?...

Accountant_Kerry

Comms69 wrote: »

So you expect me to pay for your kids home?...

In what way? if its because the wife gets some benefits to which she is entitled then shame on you.

Comms69

Accountant_Kerry wrote: »

In what way? if its because the wife gets some benefits to which she is entitled then shame on you.

Why would that be shame on me?


Regardless of my opinions on the benefits system, i'm more curious why shouldn't the OP support HIS children?....

Accountant_Kerry

I don't believe there is any suggestion of the OP not supporting his children, in effect he is talking about various ways to discharge the wife's liability on the capital assets via a monthly payment to him, offset by the payments he would make for maintenance. Complicated but logical.

Regarding your views on benefits it would not be 'you' paying for the OPs kids home.

Regardless of the OPs payments or lack of it would make no difference anyway as child maintenance doesn't impact benefits and the majority of benefits mentioned are in relation to the OPs SN son in any case.

Accountant_Kerry

OP if your wife is unable to buy you out and you require a capital lump sum then there are not really any options apart from to sell.