Not being born a son.

societys_child

Watch it on the telly with your husband.


Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .

hollydays

I think it's ok for men to want to want to do women - free things.
However, in this case , make sure you also do things all together.

Sometimes I do "female only " things( though not in a family setting) and I wouldn't want men there on those occasions

pickledonionspaceraider

~_Daisy_~ wrote: »

I dont need to mention my own partner and children, they are 25, 28 and 32........ and my partner is happy to watch matches on the TV, goes to a few local games etc, this was never about them, suffice to say my own children could go if they wished, and have done before.

This was not about what I do with my own children or husband but about my Dad and I.

The above information is entirely relevant....this throws a new light on it in my opinion

I am guessing from the ages of your children, that you are, age wise .. in your 50s, at least

Why has it taken decades for this to come to a head, in your mind?

I have got to say that from your previous posts I had assumed you were a much younger woman.
You talk like a much younger woman, in the sense that this is a new problem for you and you find it overwhelming

Robisere

Organza_Lace wrote: »

Why is it? I loved spending time with my Dad.

Just as my daughter likes spending time with me. As does my son. They are both different, as individual humans, not just as different genders. Daughter is interested in the same books and music as myself, son in cars and stationary engines. I go to SE shows with him and as a former motor engineer I share that interest and can help him. Neither of them like football, I have played as a young man and been a supporter of one club for over 65 years. Because each of us is an individual.

~_Daisy_~

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

The above information is entirely relevant....this throws a new light on it in my opinion

I am guessing from the ages of your children, that you are, age wise .. in your 50s, at least

Why has it taken decades for this to come to a head, in your mind?

I have got to say that from your previous posts I had assumed you were a much younger woman.
You talk like a much younger woman, in the sense that this is a new problem for you and you find it overwhelming

I'm 50, not really sure how that changes anything though, my thoughts are the same.

Its not taken decades to come to head, just decades to post on a ( public) forum

~_Daisy_~

societys_child wrote: »

Watch it on the telly with your husband.


Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .

Why is it odd to want to go out with a parent?

Shall I let my children know its odd to want to spend time with me? just incase someone picks them up on it?!
I wouldnt want them to feel silly.

thorsoak

societys_child wrote: »

Watch it on the telly with your husband.


Why do you want to go out with your dad . .? Really odd .

Sorry - but to me, your comment about it being "really odd" to want to go out with dad is odd! Why would you not want to go out with your dad?

Unless you have a toxic relationship, it's a strange attitude to take.

pickledonionspaceraider

~_Daisy_~ wrote: »

I'm 50, not really sure how that changes anything though, my thoughts are the same.

Its not taken decades to come to head, just decades to post on a ( public) forum

Age does change things, Daisy. Hugely. It helps us realise where you are coming from, in terms of how long you have felt like this etc

And also,

The older a person gets, the more they realise the world for what it is, empathy for other people, understanding, compassion, insight, maturity, life experience, the realisation that their parents are just people - doing their best. I am not saying you are immature BTW, just pointing out why age is relevant

Many twenty somethings might not have the same insight as someone older

The fact that you, yourself, have adult children....and would know full well, the generational gap, things that were acceptable for example, when you were a child, would not be acceptable now...and not being 'down with the kids' does not make you a bad person, its a generational thing.

Your Dad must be elderly now.

It would seem unacceptable to me, to possibly have him question his lifetime of parenting by putting this on him after you have gone along with it all with no complaint for years. It would be a huge shock.

I mean you can imagine how you may feel yourself, if your 32 year old explained they had been unhappy with an aspect of your parenting for the past 30 years. I would be floored and very deeply hurt in that situation, that I had caused my loved ones pain and be wracked with guilt that I had not realised / furthermore that they felt that we werent close enough to speak of such matters

I wouldn't deliberately tell him, but you could gently manoeuvre things so you spend some time with him by inviting him somewhere just the two of you

welshbabe88

But I can see how this has been hurting you over the years Daisy - it may seem small to some people but if it bothers you - then it bothers you - end of - its how you feel.

Maybe now your children are grown you have more time to reflect - and maybe wish that things had been done differently over the past years. You cannot turn the clock back but why not just make a suggestion to your dad to go out with him - whether to rugby or something else. No need to grumble about past events you felt left out of - just do it as a suggestion - maybe start on his borthday or Father's Day and just say it went off so well you'd like to do it again?

~_Daisy_~

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Age does change things, Daisy. Hugely. It helps us realise where you are coming from, in terms of how long you have felt like this etc

And also,

The older a person gets, the more they realise the world for what it is, empathy for other people, understanding, compassion, insight, maturity, life experience, the realisation that their parents are just people - doing their best. I am not saying you are immature BTW, just pointing out why age is relevant

Many twenty somethings might not have the same insight as someone older

The fact that you, yourself, have adult children....and would know full well, the generational gap, things that were acceptable for example, when you were a child, would not be acceptable now...and not being 'down with the kids' does not make you a bad person, its a generational thing.

Your Dad must be elderly now.

It would seem unacceptable to me, to possibly have him question his lifetime of parenting by putting this on him after you have gone along with it all with no complaint for years. It would be a huge shock.

I mean you can imagine how you may feel yourself, if your 32 year old explained they had been unhappy with an aspect of your parenting for the past 30 years. I would be floored and very deeply hurt in that situation, that I had caused my loved ones pain and be wracked with guilt that I had not realised / furthermore that they felt that we werent close enough to speak of such matters

I wouldn't deliberately tell him, but you could gently manoeuvre things so you spend some time with him by inviting him somewhere just the two of you

Thank you, especially the last paragragh........ very insightful.