Not being born a son.

OldMusicGuy

~_Daisy_~ wrote: »

I will speak to my Dad, but it does seem like it will come across as stamping my feet abit, and I wouldnt want him to think that he has upset me just by doing the things he loves with others and not me.

Personally I wouldn't bother. If your dad doesn't have the emotional intelligence to realise after all these years that he is being inconsiderate, you "having a word" isn't going to change him. You will just sour the relationship between you even more.

Part of any relationship is give and take IMO. You may do things that you want to do but at other times you do things that other family members want to do, even if it isn't your choice. You don't just do what you want all the time. If your dad doesn't realise that, he is a self-centred person. It's unlikely you will change his attitude by pointing this out.

Does your dad make up for the rugby weekends in other ways? Or is it always a case that "the ladies" get left behind to do "their thing" while "the boys" do their thing? If the latter, he may have some deep rooted "traditional" (aka sexist) attitudes that will be hard to change with a little "chat" and may make things worse between you. Only you know your dad well enough to make that call.

FWIW my wife had an unhappy childhood. However, she spends a lot of time looking after her old dad now even though he did very little to help her when she was younger and her home life was pretty awful (her siblings did not help things either). However, her dad doesn't see it that way at all and to force him to admit it now would just be unpleasant for all involved. My wife (bless her) just gets on with it and gets over it. At times she would like to get the past "off her chest" but by letting it go we get on fine with her dad, who won't be around for ever. Sometimes it's better to look forward rather than back.

EDIT: I just read your previous post. Your dad sounds a bit like mine. He did a lot with us, provided it was what he wanted to do. He was into sports in a big way, so everything we did when we were younger revolved around his sporting activities. Fortunately my mum shared some of those interests, so it was a kind of family thing. However, my dad never did any of the things I wanted to do, I was just left to get on with them on my own. It would have been nice to have my dad supporting me in them.

My dad was a lovely man and I had a fantastic home life but I think we missed out on a lot of things we could have done together. It's a mistake I tried not to make with my son. Although we had some shared interests, I always made sure not to force him to do what I wanted all the time and when he got into his own interests, I tried to share those with him.

maman

~_Daisy_~ wrote: »

Yes I do, earliest memories are being at a local club,as a small child changing the scoreboard etc, getting more magic water for the medic.
Cooking and serving after match food, and once over 18 I worked the bar, my whole family had roles to play.

I watch the 6 nations and the world cup and understand the rules too, we have 2 local clubs and I attend maybe 5 or 6 games a season, so not many but enough to keep my hand in.

So, any idea when it all slowed down and why?


It will depend how you approach it with your dad. It doesn't need to sound like foot stamping. Ask him about this last weekend in Dublin, tell him it sounds great and ask if you can go next time.


It does seem unfair to decide that he's favouring his sons when you haven't even asked about it.

~_Daisy_~

maman wrote: »

So, any idea when it all slowed down and why?


It will depend how you approach it with your dad. It doesn't need to sound like foot stamping. Ask him about this last weekend in Dublin, tell him it sounds great and ask if you can go next time.


It does seem unfair to decide that he's favouring his sons when you haven't even asked about it.

All sorts of reasons, family, children, work, it slowed down for my brothers and I when our children were young and we had bigger commitments.

I need to speak to my Dad,for my own peace of mind.

welshbabe88

Yes no need to make a big thing of it - if they are going abroad for a weekend why not just say - 'oh that sounds like fun - can mum & I come too?' - or do you want to go with your dad on his own?


Otherwise why not plan a weekend away with your mum somewhere nice. Or if you want to see your dad and mum together maybe take them out for a meal.

belfastgirl23

~_Daisy_~ wrote: »

It all sounds so very childish :o

Certainly given me food for thought.

It is really horrible when you know you’re being childish or irrational but you can’t stop yourself from feeling what you feel. Well done for acknowledging it. And if it helps we all have hot button issues like this!

Marvel1

Would you enjoy it and join in the singing and stuff.

I invited a mate to a home game a few years as I had tickets, for them it was for the drinking in the pub, me it's the game at the stadium, the atmosphere, joining in - during the game they sat there like a lemon on their phone at times - never got invited again - still mates now though.

barbiedoll

Daisy...I’m sure that your dad loves you just as much as he does your brothers. But if he’s a “man’s man”, he may not know how to show it.

It has probably never occurred to him that you’d enjoy a weekend away at the rugby. He may think that it’s no place for a grown woman (stupid, I know!) Or it could just be that he doesn’t think that you have much in common with each other and he finds it harder to relate to you.

Is there anything that you and your dad both enjoy? Music, films, museums, art galleries etc? You could try asking him out for a day, just the two of you. Tell him that you’d like to spend some time with him, he may just never have thought of even suggesting that to you.

If you don’t ask, you won’t get!

heartbreak_star

getmore4less wrote: »

3 nights for a few hours of the game on Sat.

There is more going on most of Sat free and all of Sunday.

All could have gone they would be done by 8pm nice family dinner evening out.

In theory, a lovely idea.

In actuality, I would be impressed if it actually happened. Example - Saturday's later game KOed at 16.45. I got in about 10, and that was an early night...

What you'd probably have is an even bigger divide as those who went to the game frothed about it and those who didn't got left out.

For a joint weekend away I'd be inclined to do something the next morning and have a family lunch (finishing before 3pm )

HBS x

Poor_Single_lady

Yes if you’re buzzing from a game the last thing you want is an enforced sit down family meal. That’s if you can make yourself walk past everyone you know in the pub and force yourself to go home.

My sister followed football as a child but now at a game has a face like a sour lemon. Constantly points at people in the crowd and asks what they are doing, asks what time it finishes, Complains about being cold and clearly would rather be anywhere else.

I’m not against women at sports - being one myself but don’t go to a game just because iou think you are missing out.

heartbreak_star

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

That’s if you can make yourself walk past everyone you know in the pub and force yourself to go home.

I couldn't - apparently on Saturday my partner asked "how drunk are you?" and I replied "ah, I'm fine, I'm England-won drunk" :rotfl:

HBS x