Direct cremations

Sedwards

I've looked into a pure cremation / direct cremation. It's just simply less pomp, circumstance, fuss and money. It's like, would you let a restaurant charge you for a bottle of champagne, when you didnt order one, because you dont want any? Well my family and I aren't religious, so, I dont really see the point of a funeral with a vicar/religious person, a hearse, six mourners carrying me on their shoulders in a £1000 upsell coffin with £500 of upsell handles and name plates and other shiny bits, when it's all going to go up in flames that night. Nor do I want all my family and friends in a production line crematorium crying between hymns, listening to some paid celebrant/vicar talking passionately about my date of birth, family headcount and education history, as if he/she actually knew me. It all seems a waste of money and seems to drag everyone I love and know through a terrible impersonal experience just 2 weeks after I die, when they're still in shock.

Instead, I'd rather get my body cremated straight away, and purely have the ashes handed to my family, and then months later, when they're ready, they take my ashes to somewhere that means something to us all, like a favourite holiday spot, a picnic location, a wintery beach we visit often etc, and just have them each say a few words about their fondest memory of me before scattering my ashes in that area, rather than me stuck in an urn on a mantlepiece forever.

chesky

My sentiments exactly, Sedwards.

Dymphna60

Sorry got to say it again am I the only person not going to my own funeral.
Why are you all planning what YOU want ? You do realise this is going to take place when you are dead so have no feelings anymore.
Grief for a child , a lover a spouse is not a tv film . It’s raw and immediate. You take comfort where you can . You don’t put it on a shelf for a few months.
Yes cover any religious or cultural beliefs. Say you don’t want lots of money spent but please remember you have gone.
Funerals are for the comfort of the living .

Mojisola

Sedwards wrote: »

Well my family and I aren't religious, so, I dont really see the point of a funeral with a vicar/religious person, a hearse, six mourners carrying me on their shoulders in a £1000 upsell coffin with £500 of upsell handles and name plates and other shiny bits, when it's all going to go up in flames that night.

Nor do I want all my family and friends in a production line crematorium crying between hymns, listening to some paid celebrant/vicar talking passionately about my date of birth, family headcount and education history, as if he/she actually knew me.

Your funeral would only have those things in them if your family wanted them.

There's no obligation to have hymns or a paid celebrant or a fancy coffin.

Flugelhorn

Best thing to help your family is to tell them that want happens after you die makes no to you, but if they want to have a service etc then that is OK but they shouldn't feel that have to do x or y and also if they want a big do then that is OK too.

A friend was saying exactly what she wanted for her funeral, in great detail - looked a little shocked when I pointed out that she wouldn't actually be aware of what was happening. (I wasn't being cruel, honest - bit of banter between two doctors )

wizzywilc

There can be great comfort for the bereaved immediately after the death in arranging a funeral in a way which they feel honours the person who has died. In our case that meant a handmade pine coffin, friends and family pallbearers, eulogies from me and my husband's oldest friend, and music that we all loved. We chose our own non-religious celebrant, and had a good party afterwards, which we think would have approved of. The funeral felt really personal, and not a brass handle in sight. I found the charity the Natural Death Centre https://www.naturaldeath.org.uk/ really helpful.
But had he left specific wishes, we would have honoured those of course.

Yorkshireman99

wizzywilc wrote: »

There can be great comfort for the bereaved immediately after the death in arranging a funeral in a way which they feel honours the person who has died. In our case that meant a handmade pine coffin, friends and family pallbearers, eulogies from me and my husband's oldest friend, and music that we all loved. We chose our own non-religious celebrant, and had a good party afterwards, which we think would have approved of. The funeral felt really personal, and not a brass handle in sight. I found the charity the Natural Death Centre https://www.naturaldeath.org.uk/ really helpful.
But had he left specific wishes, we would have honoured those of course.

If they want to do all this then perhaps they should foot the bill. Executors are not allowed free reign with funeral costs.

badmemory

As many people end up paying for their own funeral, whether in advance as I have, or from their assets after they have died, then I believe it shows a lack of respect for the person that has died to override their funeral wishes. If a living person is paying then they are welcome to make the decisions but I still really think they should honour the dead persons wishes if they are known.

Sea_Shell

At the end of the day, if the persons likely to be the ones to organise any funeral, are also the main beneficiaries, they are effectively spending their own money (if it's not been pre-paid) Whether that means they'll splash out...or have a cheaper one, because of that, who knows.

pickledonionspaceraider

Personally I find it extremely painful to bear... that a loved one would rather go off on their journey, with only strangers lifting them in a wooden box like piece of cargo.....than have family there, or give their loved ones a change to grieve. It literally breaks my heart

I wonder if people realize the agonizing pain that can be left behind.

Funerals are a grieving process. People aren't just meant to disappear

It almost feels like it makes things harder for those left behind. Harder to come to terms with, and almost feels like a final *middle finger* to loved ones, as it makes it so much harder to deal with

although people are saying there is nothing to stop family and friends having a memorial a few months later, there kind of is, as if the deceased wanted a memorial, they would have requested one, instead of the blunt end they have chosen for themselves so in essence, that is going against the deceased wishes - which of course we must respect

It is almost 'on trend' these days to have this kind of ending - David Bowie seems to have made it popular

If you have ever had anyone you dearly love, chose this kind of cremation, you may understand what I am talking about. I don't think I will ever get over it