Should we move area? -Advice please

GarethK

Hi everyone,

Me and my girlfriend currently live in Kent/SE London. Last year we lived in Norwich and my girlfriend moved from Kent to be with me, and to find a job, logical really. We were paying £530 PM rent on a 2 bed end of terrace in a quiet little village just north of the city, garden and everything!

However my girlfriend was unhappy that she was so far away from her friends and family. I drive so its not an issue for me but she had always lived at home until the time she moved in with me.

So we moved down here. We already knew prices were higher, and couldnt afford to pay more for a bigger/nicer house, so got what we could straight away as demand is high here, being so close to London and the M25.

We pay £550 for a much smaller, one bedroom house, no CH, no garden, not even a back door. Its depressing to say the least, and the girlfriend also hates it, but she is now literally 1/2 a mile from her mum and sisters.

I am changing jobs for health reasons and going back into what i did before, which was installing and upgrading CC machines, at a low level it doesnt pay a mega wage, but its enough to survive on!

However, with this new job, comes a chance to move as its nationwide.

It's no secret i hate the area, and the fact we had to downgrade. We HAVE to get a bigger house because we are expecting our first child in March and i want a decent enviroment for us to start our new family, there is no storage space in this house, and to get a bigger one would put us easily into the £700+ PM barrier which is too much for the one salary.

Whilst we will be eligable for benefits, i do not want to overstretch ourselves, or rely on it.

If we moved back to Norfolk, we could get a similar property to the last one, for about £550 which would be great. 3 bed properties with garage (handy as i have a 2nd car) are available from £600, but i dont want the extra council tax.

My girlfriend is not keen on moving because she wants to be close to her mum once the baby is born, which of course i can understand, but the living enviroment has got to be right, and my parents wouldnt be too far away as they live in Suffolk.

I really do not know what to do on this, i dont want to force my girlfriend to move, but longer term i know it would pay off for all of us. Advice please, and thanks in advance.

affordmylife

What about moving somewhere between suffolk and your current place. say about 30 to 40 mins away from her parents.

That is still a reasonable drive for visiting. Or does she actually want to live so close to her parents that the type of house she lives in doesnt matter.

Maybe she is still adjusting to living away from home and with a baby coming is feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

as time goes by and she gains confidence maybe a further move will be possible.

i hope you can come to an arrangement that will suit everyone. let us know how you get on.

Curv

My advice: Talk to your girlfriend.

You can make all the plans in the world, but if she's opposed to the move - any move - you might as well plan to move to the moon.

Explain things to her like you explained them here - it makes sense, but then I'm not expecting a baby and being asked to move away from my family and friends. It might be an idea to wait until after the baby is born and let your girlfriend come to the conclusion by herself that your house isn't big enough.

Pregnancy is a tricky time for many women and your timing might just be a touch out - you don't want to be accused of putting her under pressure... although I can understand your wish to get moved and sorted before the baby is born.

You are in a difficult position, but until such time as you and your girlfriend want the same thing you are going to struggle to make any concrete plans.

Best of luck with everything.

GarethK

My parents live 85 miles from where we currently live, and that takes about 1hr 30 mins as its mainly motorway, can be done in less time, just depends on traffic. I've looked at place near Ipswich, some nice villages, 35-40mins from my parents and about an hour from here, really easy though, get on the A12 and hop onto the M25 so straightforward.

Believe it or not it was actually my girlfriend that looked at houses in Norfolk and showed me just how cheap they were but has now gone off the idea completely for the moment. We have to move out a month after the baby is born, so when the time gets closer and we run out of ideas for places to rent down here the only option may be to move further north.

affordmylife wrote: »

What about moving somewhere between suffolk and your current place. say about 30 to 40 mins away from her parents.

That is still a reasonable drive for visiting. Or does she actually want to live so close to her parents that the type of house she lives in doesnt matter.

Maybe she is still adjusting to living away from home and with a baby coming is feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

as time goes by and she gains confidence maybe a further move will be possible.

i hope you can come to an arrangement that will suit everyone. let us know how you get on.

Sapphire

Your girlfriend really needs to make a choice between living in a property that you consider to be too small, or moving to a place where she doesn't know anyone.

A lot of people have to make such choices. Do I move to Kensington because it is a nice area even though all I can afford is a studio flat, or do I move to an area that is grotty but far cheaper? (Many people have opted for the latter.) Even if you move to a place where your girlfriend doesn't know anyone, she should soon make acquaintances, perhaps even relevant to the birth of your child. Perhaps your girlfriend needs to widen her outlook on the world?

affordmylife

What about your gf getting a job once the baby is born.

Her family that live close by can mind the baby.

She can work and pay the extra expense needed for a decent sized place in the town of her choice (near her parents obviously).

Whats the problem with that?

jebervic

Go where your wife wants to be !, we moved to a lovely little village in Cambs, wife hated it and we moved back within 6 months.

GarethK

affordmylife wrote: »

What about your gf getting a job once the baby is born.

Her family that live close by can mind the baby.

She can work and pay the extra expense needed for a decent sized place in the town of her choice (near her parents obviously).

Whats the problem with that?

Call us old fashioned, but i dont think that is an option for us. A mother should be there for her baby especially during the first 12 months of his/her life and likewise, i want to be there for my baby too, to look after the mother but also be able to financially support my family. My new job gives me some flexiability to chose the hours and the amount i want to work, the last thing i want is to be working 50-60 hours a week in a dead end job that doesnt pay very well, when i could work 35-40 and spend some time with my family and still provide for them.

For us, that is logical, until such a time we feel is right for us and she wants to return to work, it puts the pressure on me, but i dont mind, because that is how it should be.

GarethK

jebervic wrote: »

Go where your wife wants to be !, we moved to a lovely little village in Cambs, wife hated it and we moved back within 6 months.

Unfortunatly where my girlfriend and i currently live, its full of !!!!!! (real ones not wanna-be's), the schools are terrible, its dirty and the air isnt very clean (so close to London), you never know if your car is still going to be where you parked it and there is just the general feeling of nastiness!

Whilst she is used to it having lived here all her life, she accepts it, deep down she would move to a nicer place if i still meant we were relatively close to her family, these places exist, but for a premium! We look all the time in case something comes up in a village about 5-10 miles south from us, but Kent is expensive.

jebervic

GarethK wrote: »

Unfortunatly where my girlfriend and i currently live, its full of !!!!!! (real ones not wanna-be's), the schools are terrible, its dirty and the air isnt very clean (so close to London), you never know if your car is still going to be where you parked it and there is just the general feeling of nastiness!

Whilst she is used to it having lived here all her life, she accepts it, deep down she would move to a nicer place if i still meant we were relatively close to her family, these places exist, but for a premium! We look all the time in case something comes up in a village about 5-10 miles south from us, but Kent is expensive.

Actually in relation to the south east, i've always though Kent to relatively cheap. Ultimately its your wife/GF who will spend most of the time at home and if you want a long happy relationship I would ensure that she is completley satisfied with whatever you decide.

Compromise decisions rarely succeed in my opinion.

115K

I think you have to come up with a compromise from the sounds of it as it sounds like your ideal scenario isn't available, but I think you really need to talk to her about it rather than us.;)

Maybe together you can sit down and draw up a list of pros and cons for each decision and see if anything really jumps out at you.

I hated living away from my family and friends at first and felt very homesick but I had to get out there and meet new people.

But saying that if you move and then she feels very isolated with a baby and no family support that is not good either. There are lots of Mum and Baby groups around but I suppose that may not replace actual family.