Pension and separation

Maisymoo78

Thank you everyone for your advice, I'll make an appointment with a solicitor. Trouble is I can't afford to pay for a divorce even if I did go down that route, so I don't know what I'll do

Alexland

Your solicitor might be able to advise how to fund the divorce costs. From what you have said it sounds like the best option to draw a line under the situation, get a fair share of matrimonial property agreed and establish a baseline to support your financial planning.

Best wishes,
Alex

elsien

It's not just the property, it's the pension and any savings or investments as well.
OP, you might want to try one of the half hour free solicitor appointments to start with, to get more idea about your options. Even if you decide not to do anything st this point, it will give you a clearer idea of your rights and the processes.
It is possible although not easy to get legal aid for divorce if you can evidence domestic violence but it is means tested and I don't know what the thresholds are. There is a calculator on gov.uk.

cloud_dog

Maisymoo78 wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your advice, I'll make an appointment with a solicitor. Trouble is I can't afford to pay for a divorce even if I did go down that route, so I don't know what I'll do

I am far from an expert in this situation but I believe there are options around this.

Here are some website for reading:

Citizens Advice
Divorce Aid
Money Advice Service
Rights of Women

Regarding any benefit from the pension, or lump sum, you need to be careful here as it may not necessarily go to the spouse. I am a member of a DB scheme and the above poster who mentions 'at the discretion of the trustees' etc, I had to complete an 'Expression of Wishes' form, which I assume overrides the old style 'spouse' reference. It is probably as a result of the more recent pension reforms. So your hubby could change his wishes so that any money goes to his new partner/children/the dogs home, whoever.

Having said that, I am also aware of an situation where the trustees (different scheme) would only pay out to the 'wife' and not to the new partner. This may have been because an Expression of Wishes form had not been completed (unknown I'm afraid)

Alexland

elsien wrote: »

It's not just the property, it's the pension and any savings or investments as well.

Yes the legal term "matrimonial property" could cover all those asset types generally valued at the separation date when the couple stopped living together. One of the first tasks is to understand which assets will qualify and what they were worth. There are legal variations depending on where you live within the UK. A local solicitor with a family law specialist should be able to help.

Alex

CapricornLass

You would be entitled to a share of his pension on divorce. I think the courts have the power to impose this on the pension scheme trustees and I wouldn't mind betting that it would overide any Expression of Wishes that he makes



You should speak to a solicitor who is skilled in family law.


If you have any proof of the abuse you received (e.g. visits to hospital/doctor for treatment afterwards), I would give this to the solicitor as well.

Maisymoo78

If I can get hold of my medical notes then yes I'll have proof of the broken ribs as I attended A&E. I lied though and told the doctors I fell on ice as he was mortified that he'd done it, and said that it was "out of character". So I protected him. But if it comes to it and he starts playing dirty then I will use whatever I can. My family and friends would back me up as they know the truth.

Would the 18 years I stayed at home bringing up the family and therefore not building up my own pension go in my favour when it comes to his pension?

Silvertabby

Maisymoo78 wrote: »

If I can get hold of my medical notes then yes I'll have proof of the broken ribs as I attended A&E. I lied though and told the doctors I fell on ice as he was mortified that he'd done it, and said that it was "out of character". So I protected him. But if it comes to it and he starts playing dirty then I will use whatever I can. My family and friends would back me up as they know the truth.

Would the 18 years I stayed at home bringing up the family and therefore not building up my own pension go in my favour when it comes to his pension?

Probably. I know you 've said before that you can't afford a solicitor - but, sweetie, you really can't afford NOT to engage a solicitor.

Alexland

Personally if I was divorcing in these circumstances then I would make the solicitor aware of the abuse however unless they identify substantial advantage then I would ask to avoid making a big thing of the abuse and just seek agreement on the fair division of assets such that the matter gets resolved in a prompt and efficient manner.

Then you will be free to get on with life - how exciting!

Alex

Maisymoo78

Probably. I know you 've said before that you can't afford a solicitor - but, sweetie, you really can't afford NOT to engage a solicitor.

I know ☹️ I hate all this. Its way beyond anything I think I'll be able to cope with.
I know everyone will be wondering how I stayed with him for 34 years, but it's simple. When we met I was 15 and he was 17. He was my first boyfriend and I married him at 18. He's all I've ever known and I guess that's why I loved him so much, and still do, despite everything he's done. I've attempted suicide twice since November and am on sirtraline now. He's done all that to me yet I still love him and just can't face up to this all being real.