Pension and separation

Maisymoo78

I wonder if I can ask for some advice? My husband has recently left me for a younger woman. We have been together for 34 years, married for 31 of them. We have 3 sons, now all grown up and are 6 years away from paying off our mortgage. This is his 5th affair since 1999. He has also physically, mentally and verbally abused me during our marriage, breaking my ribs and trying to strangle me back in 2000. That was out of character for him as he'd never hurt me before, so I forgave him and we picked up our marriage. He then went on to cheat on me again and again though. Each time I forgave him, we would get back together and things would be really good until he found another woman to cheat with, then he would become difficult to live with again.


When we married he wanted me to stay at home and bring our children up. He said there was no point in me working because he could earn in 1 days overtime what I could in a whole week so that's what he did. I stayed at home for 18 years. It was only once our youngest started secondary school that I decided he had no reason for me to stay at home anymore so in 2005 I got a job, which I am still doing.


The thing is, he is on a very good wage and has an amazing works pension. He earns £78,000 a year, and his pension is a £240,000 lump sum and £30,000 a year pension. Whereas I earn £21,000 a year and my pension is a £13,000 lump sum and £1,956 a year pension if I take the maximum lump sum. The woman he is having the affair with does the same job as him so is on the same wage. So between them they earn £156,000 a year against my £21,000 and they will be very rich in retirement.


I think they will stay together and eventually live together despite her being 13 years younger than him. I have no plans to divorce him as I married until death do us part, and as old fashioned as that makes me sound it means something to me. If him and me are still married will she have a claim on his pension if they are living together? His pension statement says that his spouse will be classed as his legal next of kin and therefore entitled to the full £240,000 lump sum should he die before retirement age. So even if they live together would I receive the lump sum or will she be able to make a claim on it?


We were planning on taking early retirement in 6 years time once the mortgage is paid off. For as long as I can remember we have wanted to retire to the coast. So not only has he broken my heart he has taken away the dream we had too.


Basically what I want to know is:

If I remain his wife and therefore his legal next of kin, despite him living with her will I be entitled to the full lump sum of his pension if he dies before retirement or will she be able to make a claim on it? I know this makes me sound like I'm just after his money but I've put up with a lifetime of physical, mental and verbal abuse, 5 affairs, broken bones, and 18 years of not being allowed to work and so losing out on building up my own works pension and a full state pension so I feel I'm deserving of it. She's taken away my husband and dreams, I don't know how i'll cope if she takes my financial security too


Many thanks for any advice anyone can offer.

elsien

I don't understand why you would want to stay tied to someone in those circumstances. However give it long enough and he can divorce you without your consent, so further down the line it may all be academic.
If you really want financial security, divorce him and agree a financial settlement that takes all the assets into account, including the pension.

Silvertabby

It depends on the pension scheme rules. I can only talk about the LGPS , which, in your case, would pay the tax free death grant (if there is one) to his nominated beneficiary - which could be his girlfriend - but only you, as long as you are his legal wife, would get the annual spouses pension.

As elsian says, why drag things out? Make sure you get yourself a good lawyer, who knows the ins and out of pension sharing on divorce.

Thrugelmir

Difficult as it may be. Seek professional advice. Exit the relationship on your terms and the time of your own making. Be prepared for the fact that he might divorce you one day. You've still years of your life ahead of you. Make the most of them. Don't have any regrets.

Kit_Katt

You need a solicotor to protect your rights.
Draw up an official separation agreement between you.

Not knowing your full situation broadly speaking you will be entitled to 50% of property, cash, pension, assets, etc at time of separation.

Often this can create a reality check for the naughty 1 and wake them up and dump their new partner. Hes got form for that.
its time to protect yourself move forward and take what your legally due.

He has to divulge all the numbers and cant hide from this. Any new contributions / growth on the pension fund post agreement you are not entitled to.

xylophone

Check your state pension position.

https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

See a solicitor.

https://www.pensionsauthority.ie/en/LifeCycle/Pensions_on_separation_and_divorce/

cloud_dog

Get your finances sorted. Get divorced. Move on.

Marcon

Some of this sounds a bit strange. It is unusual for a benefit statement to say that a lump sum will be paid to the next of kin - normally lump sum death payments are paid at the discretion of the trustees, to ensure they are (normally) paid free of tax. The lump sum looks pretty close to 3 x salary - are you sure the £240K isn't a death in service payment (i.e. if he dies after leaving employment, whether to retire or for other reasons, the lump sum would no longer be payable)?

As others have said, get yourself some specialist advice from a family lawyer who has a good grasp of pensions - and, crucially, has seen the pension statement you are referring to and also the trust deed and rules of the scheme (which you, as spouse, are entitled to ask for - a soft copy should be free of charge).

atush

elsien wrote: »

I don't understand why you would want to stay tied to someone in those circumstances. However give it long enough and he can divorce you without your consent, so further down the line it may all be academic.
If you really want financial security, divorce him and agree a financial settlement that takes all the assets into account, including the pension.

It doesnt matter that you dont understand nor that i would not forgive him his past and current transgressions. It could be for religious reasons for all we know.

The OP wants advice, not your opinions if you were in the same position so to speak.

elsien

My advice still stands. The OP needs to understand that she cannot rely on getting his pension for her security because she may end up divorced whether she wishes it or not.

squirrelpie

As has been said, who will benefit from his pension if not him or as well as him will depend on the scheme rules, and you cannot prevent him divorcing you in future if he so chooses. So your financial future is not as secure as you think.


Given that, I'd suggest you need to consider your options, including the possibility of divorce sooner rather than later. You certainly need to talk to a solicitor, so you learn the legal position, but I think you also need to talk to a personal adviser to help clarify your thinking. Possibly a good friend, maybe a priest, perhaps a marriage guidance counsellor.