Pension and separation

Silvertabby

Maisymoo78 wrote: »

I know ☹️ I hate all this. Its way beyond anything I think I'll be able to cope with.
I know everyone will be wondering how I stayed with him for 34 years, but it's simple. When we met I was 15 and he was 17. He was my first boyfriend and I married him at 18. He's all I've ever known and I guess that's why I loved him so much, and still do, despite everything he's done. I've attempted suicide twice since November and am on sirtraline now. He's done all that to me yet I still love him and just can't face up to this all being real.

That's awful. Has your GP offered some form of counselling? If you can accept that he's gone from your life, then you may be able to move on and take care of yourself. Ensuring your future financial security will be part of that new life, so please don't let him bully you any more.

CapricornLass

Only the solicitor is likely to have an idea of the answer to that, I'm afraid. I agree with Silvertabby, you can't afford not to get yourself a good solicitor in your circumstances. He/she will be able to properly advise you, present your case to court in the best possible light, counter whatever Himself comes up with, and will have seen all the dirty tricks in the book, and more.



There are some events in life when employing a professional and not doing it yourself pays you dividends long-term - I think this is one of those occasions. I would also do it sooner rather than later.

Maisymoo78

Silvertabby wrote: »

That's awful. Has your GP offered some form of counselling? If you can accept that he's gone from your life, then you may be able to move on and take care of yourself. Ensuring your future financial security will be part of that new life, so please don't let him bully you any more.

I have seen a counsellor but I'm still at the stage of not wanting to move on yet, it's still all too raw so I've had difficulty accepting the things they say. I have some days where I feel stronger but others, like today, I'm a mess. I fnd it so hard that he's enjoying his life with her, going to the theatre, out for meals, planning holiday's etc and I'm here, almost penniless and heartbroken

elsien

Would your adult children be in a position to help out with solicitors bills if it should turn out to be necessary?

Maisymoo78

Unfortunately not. They don't earn enough themselves to be able to help me out.

squirrelpie

If I can get hold of my medical notes

You can; you have a right to copies, so there's no need to be concerned about that point if the need arises.

Marcon

CapricornLass wrote: »

You would be entitled to a share of his pension on divorce. I think the courts have the power to impose this on the pension scheme trustees and I wouldn't mind betting that it would overide any Expression of Wishes that he makes

Not quite. There is no automatic entitlement to a share of his pension on divorce. It could be, and often is, that a financial settlement uses other assets (ones which are simpler to understand/split up!). If the spouse has substantial savings/property, then a share of these might be a better idea for all sorts of reasons, but these things can only be decided on a case by case basis.

Yes, the courts can direct that all or part of any lump sum (whether death in service or payable at the time the individual starts to draw the pension) must be paid to the former spouse.

crv1963

You need to try to get copies if still around the house of any paperwork relating to any assets- pension, bank accounts savings, wage slips while you can.

dterry website worth a look if using English law. It's a divorce forum similar to this but all about divorces not pensions.