Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 3..

Choccygirl123

Hi chandelier, I've just read your diary and wanted to say how fab you are doing. You sound like an amazing mum and the boy is a very lucky boy to have such a lovely mum. X

Chandelier.

Morning,

I finally managed to get to sleep, probably around 1am which isn't too good but I've made sure I've woken up early. I'm wanting to reset my body clock and start going to bed earlier/waking earlier to get me back into a decent routine. The day naps need to stop as they are no good for me and disrupt my sleep pattern.

I obviously had a lot of time to think last night as I lay there awake. I've realised that some things in life, I have no control over but other things I do.

I've made the decision that I'm going to try and lose some weight in hope that I'll feel better for it. I need to really look closely at my eating/habits and diet and start going back to the gym again. I've asked myself lots of questions and figured some answers. I've drawn up a loose plan that I hope to stick to then once that's underway, I can start to shake things up a little more.

Why do I want to lose weight?

• I don't like the way my body looks.
• I've put on two stone since starting a new medication.
• I want to feel more confident.
• I want to increase my fitness levels.
• I want to improve my physical health.
• I believe it will be good for my mental health.

How will I do this?

• Go to the gym 3x a week.
• Watch what I eat/meal plan.
• Stoo unnecessary snacking/boredom eating.
• Cut back on sugar in hot drinks.
• Drink more water.
• Walk more to places.

What are my goals?

• Lose 5lb per month.
• Increase my stamina.
• Lose a dress size.

My ultimate goal would be to lose 70lb in total. However I'm not rushing this and I'm taking the slow and steady path. I don't want to diet as such, just alter my eating habits and have a more balanced diet overall. I've set the target to go to the gym 3x a week but some weeks I may increase this.

I haven't been to the gym in a number of months as I'd just lost the motivation but now is the time where I can focus on myself for a while. Maybe once I start exercising, I can fit it into my daily routine where possible.

I'm going to have breakfast then head to the gym whilst I'm in this mind frame. Sometimes I get nervous about who may see me but I know deep down that nobody else is watching. I shall have to hunt out my old gym stuff and see if it still fits. Once I settle into a routine, I may arrange a quick induction/check in with the instructors at the gym.

There are a lot of other things I'd quite like to get done today. I'll post these in a seperate post as the list is quite long but at least it will keep me busy!

Chandelier.

11/02/19 To do list.

• Eat breakfast. (The most important meal of the day! I will have either weetabix or porridge to keep me full).
• Wash up pots. (This shall only take me five minutes).
• Put ironing away. (I have two small piles and I hate putting it away but the sooner I get it over and done with the better. It should only take ten minutes).
• Go to the gym. (I have set myself a target to go for at least half an hour).
• Pick up new leisure card. I'll do this whilst at the gym).
• Get petrol. (I'm not running low yet but will do this whilst I'm out and about. I'll just stick £25 in again).
• Fill air in tyres. (Will do this after I've put petrol in. I haven't filled them up for a while and I'm wanting to ensure I'm driving as efficiently as possible).
• Do a small food shop for fresh items. (This is mainly for fresh fruit/fridge items etc. I'll aim to spend no more then £15).
• Have a quick shower and sort out tolietries. (I bought a few toiletries the other week and need to find a home for these- I'm stocked up now for a while. I'll also have a quick shower and let my hair dry naturally instead of blow drying).
• Have lunch. (I have some pitta breads that need eating so I'll use up what we already have).
• Pay for the boys ice skating test. (I think this is around £22, give or take a few pennies. Once it's done, it's done and we shall hopefully receive a test date).
• Fill in forms for boys ice skating show auditions. (I just need to print the forms, fill them in, scan them and email back. A quick five minute job).
• Go to my friends for coffee. (The plan is to go there for around 1pm, just for a coffee and catch up to see where we both are in our lives).
• Clean walking boots. (They got far too muddy at the weekend so I'm going to brush as much mud off them as possible then give them a quick wash down).
• Attend meeting at school about an upcoming trip. (This starts at 3.30pm and is about a residential trip planned for next year. I want to find out more about it and the costs involved).
• Put things back in my car. (I need to put the back ledge of my car back in. I shall also arrange that all paper work related to car is easily accessible, like logbook and user manual).
• Do the boys reading/spelling. (His spellings will be a five minute job, then I'll do 15 minutes reading with him).
• Do an extra piece of Maths/English work with the boy. (I bought some workbooks to help support what he is already doing so I'll do one piece with him tonight).
• Open my post. (I've neglected the post pile for a while apart from important letters. I'll tackle this later. I expect most of it will be junk mail).
• Empty purse/get rid of receipts. (I need to have a good clear out and get of receipts/bits that are not needed. My purse is looking too cluttered and I don't like it).
• Phone MH care team. (I need to see whether my CPN is back and who will be attending my appointment with me on Thursday).
• Pack the boys football kit for tonight's session and take a snack for him. (He is at afterschool club this evening but I may pick him up straight away after school meeting to save a second car trip).

So, it's quite a list to tackle but its manageable when I break it down into smaller bits. I'll just do things as I go along during the day. The thing is I'm keeping myself accountable through writing lists. None of these things are big jobs, they are just the ones you put off until they sometimes can be a bit overwhelming. Other parts of it, is just part of my daily routine. If I can do this and find things to do each day then I will be keeping myself busy. I'm trying to find the right balance with everything and not allowing myself to sit and wallow. I need to be productive and carry on as if things were normal.

Chandelier.

Evening,

I've been rather busy since I last posted on here. Once again life just seems to get in the way and I get caught up in everything else and before I know it, so much time has passed.

So where am I at?!

Well I've been going to the gym as much as I can and watching what I eat. My diet is a work in progress; I've cut back on the amount that I'm snacking and just being more wary of what types of food I'm putting in my body. I haven't gone without treats though, I'd rather not fully deprive myself but balance out the good with the bad. My official weigh day is tomorrow so I will report back then. I am feeling slightly less bloated which is good. I've created an Instagram account to monitor and document my weightloss journey to keep me motivated and inspired along the way. I can take pictures and post my thoughts/feelings and as time goes on, look back at how much progress I've made. I'm not usually one to do this but somehow this time it just seems different and I'm more serious about taking back control of that aspect of my life.

In terms of finance I made an extra payment of £10 towards my CC. The balance now stands at £560.00. When the end of the month nears, I'll have a review of my finances and probably make another overpayment. I've received the statement for my other CC which is paid in full each month so I that money is set aside in a different account, ready to be paid.

At the weekend, I decided to make a rather big purchase. I'd been thinking about buying myself a television for a while and had a good look around at different offers and deals. I found one which suited my needs and what I wanted and this cost me £170 in total. I've used money from savings to cover this and it is now all connected up in my bedroom. It makes it easier if I want to watch my own programmes and I can do it in the comfort of my own bed. I can wake up in the morning and turn on the news whilst I have breakfast in bed and it is also useful for the nights where I can't sleep.

Aside from this, the weekend passed by quickly.

On Saturday me and the boy went to our local theme park and met up with his friend. It was absolutely heaving and we only got on three rides but we are lucky that we have annual passes and can go whenever we like. If I'd have paid the on the gate price I would have been rather miffed with how busy it was. We took a picnic along with us and had a spend free day.

On Sunday I met up with the person I've been casually seeing. We went on a six mile walk along the beach, stopped off for drinks at a local cafe then headed back to mine, where I cooked us a roast dinner. It was a lovely day altogether. I have no idea of what both of our intentions are with each other. I've touched on the subject lightly but he would rather talk about it in person which I'm nervous about. I'm not wanting to jump into anything serious too quickly but I also don't want to be messed around. I'd rather know what he wants then wait around and waste my time.

I was absolutely exhausted on Monday following the previous days ventures so I had a chill out day at home.

Today, the boy and me went out for lunch with his dad and his girlfriend. I spent around £20 on the meal and drinks for us both. The costs just seem to add up really quickly and before you know it, you've spent a fortune. The boy then went on a couple of fairground rides before we headed home. He's then played on his games console with his friends before we have headed out to football.

Once football is finished, I'm going round to that mans house where he is cooking tea for me. It's a surprise and I can't wait. It won't be a late one as I'll be up early tomorrow.

The plan for tomorrow is to go swimming at our local waterpark with my cousin and her daughter. This will kill a few hours and we get locals discount which is around 50% off entry price and they will have access to all the water rides. I will most likely have to go in the water with him. He can swim but these big places make me a bit nervous. I'd rather test it out with him first. I've set aside £30 to cover all costs. The boy then has ice skating in the evening.

On Thursday, we are meeting up with one of my friends and her daughter who we haven't seen in a while. We are going to take them to the park and tire them out. I may then take the boy to our local swimming pool for a quick dip afterwards, to kill some time.

On Friday the boy is going round to his great grannies to spend some time with them and see his cousin. Whilst he is there I have a meeting with work. Once that is done, we are meeting up with a friend to take her dog for a walk and then the boy has his ice skating lessons. In the evening, I'm going out with a friend for dinner and a catch up.

I've not planned anything for Saturday just yet but there is plenty of time to do that. It will most likely be a quiet one.

This whole week is a mixture of both free and paid for activities/days out. The entertainment budget shall cover the costs of all this but hopefully I'll have some left at the end of the month once things quieten down.

Anyway, that's pretty much it for now. I've a couple of other things I need to do such as a small top up food shop but aside from that, everything else is done.

It's time to enjoy ourselves.

Chandelier.

Morning,

It seems our plans for today have changed. The waterpark we were going to go to was fully booked out and rammed due to the school holidays. We've now decided to instead go to a local indoor trampoline park and for lunch at McDonalds with my cousins. Hopefully this will cut back on spends. The weather is awfully drizzly and wet here so no matter where we go it's going to be busy.

I've spent the morning watching films with the boy watching films and funny videos on YouTube. It's been nice just to chill out and relax without feeling pressure to do anything.

We have someone coming round this afternoon to price up some work that will need doing in my bedroom. Once we have a quote for that, we can start deciding on what we are going to do with my bedroom. It's going to be redecorated but I'm not sure how I want it yet. I want my bedroom to feel like a safe place and be somewhere I can go to relax when I feel the need to.

The boy wants to go watch the new Lego movie so I've provionally planned that maybe for later on tonight. I think its £5 per person which isn't too bad and we will take our own snacks with us to save costs. I'm sure today I can use the 2for1 tickets so may save even more. It would most likely be a late viewing we would go to. I'll just see how the day pans out.

I had a late night last night and early start this morning. I'm going to class the new man in my life as manfriend so it's easier to write. I went round to his last night where he cooked me dinner. We then watched a couple of episodes of a series on Netflix until we were both tired and fell asleep. It was the first time I stayed over and everything just felt right. I really don't know what is going to happen. I did ask him the other day what his intentions were and we said we would discuss it last night but I avoided the topic. He brushed on it slightly but I just didn't want to talk about it at the time. I think he has kind of decided what he wants as he has invited me to be his plus one at a friends wedding. I'm not too sure whether I'll go as I won't know anyone but him but I guess it's a good time to socialise and get to know others or the people in his life.

I don't know what I want really, I'm pretty scared about getting into something serious. I just don't want to be messed around and get hurt again. For now he provides a positive distraction and he makes me happy. We can only see where it goes from here. I'll make some plans to see him at the weekend once the boy goes to his dads.

Anyway, everything else is ticking along fine. I don't plan on anymore big spends for the time being as this has been a spendy month. I've treated myself far too much but in some ways I feel a bit better for doing so. I'm not materialistic at all but its amazing how the little things can make such a difference.

I still don't think I'm ready to go back to work just yet. I'm still working on myself and it's a long road ahead. I have my meeting on Friday where I will discuss things and I'll most likely get a referral back to occupational health to see if any further adaptions can be made to ease things for me. The main thing is, I need to get booked in to see my own consultant psychiatrist and work out a plan from there to see which direction we are heading.

There are a few jobs that I need to do on my to do list but I'll take my time with them. One of the main things is to pick up my medication from the pharmacy but I've still got a couple of days left of my medication to see me through for now.

Things just seem so surreal at the moment with everything that has gone on. I'm trying my hardest to work on myself and fit other things in around everything else.

One of the main things I want to start doing is planning our travels for the summer holidays. I'm going to definately confirm my annual leave on Friday and start looking into flights, travel costs, accommodation, days out/activities etc for our adventure. The main place we want to travel around is Italy but I may fit in some other countries if possible. I've got a set amount of money saved up especially for this trip but have back up funds just incase. It's going to be one of our biggest trips yet but it will be so memorable. I'll include the boy in the planning of it all and see where he wants to go or what he wants to do.

I'm also possibly looking at going to Amsterdam in June with my friend for my birthday. I just need to do my research, price things up and come up with something that us affordable for both of us. I trust this friend a lot and I've said to space things/costs out a bit, if I book it on my 0% CC we can pay it off bit by bit leading up to the holiday which she is more then happy to do so.

Finally, one of the other things that has made me smile recently is that I've put up lots of pictures of myself, the boy, family and friends on my wardrobe. I'm able to see and remember the memories that we made last year and its proof that I've had my fair share of happy moments. It's those I live for. I look content in all of these pictures and it makes me grateful to have those closest to me, in my life.

It keeps me motivated and inspired.

That's all for now. I'm going to carry on with my day and keep an eye on my spends, making sure I don't go too overboard. I'm hoping to fit a gym session in somewhere amongst all of todays activities.

I'm going to make a coffee now as I need the energy!

Chandelier.

Afternoon,

It's been a pretty productive day so far!

We met up with my friend and her daughter and went for a woodland walk before heading back to our local park. The kids had lots of fun and were covered in mud by the end of it. The only money we spent was £1.60 on an ice cream for them. The weather is quite mild here considering it's winter.

We then came home and have had lunch. We are going to nip out shortly to get the boys hair cut and to pick up my prescription. I might quickly nip into the shops for a couple of things.

Yesterday, we went to an indoor trampoline park by us and had McDonalds for lunch. It was so busy everywhere with it being half term that I was glad to get home. The boy then had his ice skating lessons then we went to the cinema to watch the new Lego movie. I had a 2for1 code which meant it only cost £5 for the both of us to watch the film as we took our own snacks/drinks in. I think our total spends for the day yesterday came to £20.28 which is good for everything we did.

I have been doing well with watching what I eat/increasing the amount I've exercised. I've been trying to eat foods in moderation and be more mindful when I'm eating. I've not deprived myself of any treats, I've mainly cut back on the binge eating/snacking. I weighed myself this morning and have lost 6lb since last week which is a step in the right direction. I suspect a lot of this is water weight but I'm happy with the results. I now want to slowly but surely lose 1lb/2lb a week over time until I reach my goal. I have a few targets/things I want to aim for so hopefully I can keep this up and stay on the right track.

That's pretty much it for today. I'm still keeping an eye on what I've been spending and trying to balance things out for the rest of the month. I'm on the right track, albeit a few expensive spends this month but it's all worth it

Chandelier.

Afternoon,

It's been a busy couple of days here and we have been keeping busy during the half term.

Yesterday, the boy went to his great grannies for a few hours whilst I went for a meeting at work. It was just a general catch up on my current situation and to see what point I'm at. I had a union rep with me and HR was present for it all and we have discussed our next steps. The plan is to see my CPN this upcoming week and sort out an appointment with my consultant. We also need to find out some more details about my referral to a specialist centre. Once all that is in place, we should be able to move forward. There may be some further adjustments we can make in order to support my return to work in the future.

I've found out what my expected income is for this month and it's my full pay which has lifted a weight off my shoulders. There is just something else I want to query about my pay that I'll sort out on Monday. I think I'm down on a couple of hours from last months enhancements.

After all of that, the boy and I met up with my friend and we took her dog for a walk along the sanddunes. The boy absolutely loves dogs and had great pleasure in walking the dog and playing with her.

We then went ice skating, where the boy spent four hours between lessons and show rehearsals. I had a good catch up with other friends there and we had a couple of funny moments. We have our own kind of ice skating family going on and help each other out where possible. It's quite a nice feeling and we are all supportive of one another. The boy is really coming on well with his jumps and spins, it just all seemed to have finally clicked into place with him after a few wobbly moments. He has an upcoming ice skating gala in around two weeks where he will do his own routine. He is also doing a competition in April, which I need to put the paperwork in for.

Afterwards, I met up with a friend for tea. I had to pick her up and drop her home as she's recently hurt herself and is struggling to drive, but it was worth it for the catch up. The meal was absolutely lovely, we shared a starter and dessert and each had a main. There was some confusion over one of the dishes so they knocked that off the bill. Overall it cost me £15 for the whole thing which was reasonable and it was much needed.

Today, we have had a bit of a chill out morning. We are taking the boy for a bike ride this afternoon and then he's going to an indoor climbing place later on, which he loves. That has cost me £13.95 and that will be it for the weekend. We did contemplate going out for a meal afterwards but then decided not to as it's just added expenses and we have food at home. It's just nice for both me, my mum and the boy to get together and go for a meal sometimes.

I have a few things that I need to get sorted over the next few days. I haven't been to the gym much this week due to lack or childcare/time but I'm looking forward to getting back into it next week. I've been trying to get outside for exercise as much as possible.

I've had a bit of trouble off the boys dad this week but hopefully I've sorted it out. The way he speaks to me and treats me is disgusting and I'm not putting up with it anymore. I've spoken to his dads, dad and told them I shall only go through them contact wise for anything to do with the boy. For now, I've blocked his number as I need some breathing space.

So for this next upcoming week, I have a few things I need to do/tick off my list.

• Hand in boys competition forms and pay fee.
• Buy tickets for upcoming show.
• Fill in audition forms for this years show.
• Purchase some show tickets as a birthday present to my mum.
• Organise an event with my brother.
• Get my bloods done.
• Phone up for repeat prescription of medication.
• Think of an idea for my friends birthday present.
• See my CPN and arrange consultant appt.
• Figure out a budget/expenditure for March.
• Cancel a direct debit for a monthly subscription.
• Sort out a refund for an expense which is due to come out, that should have been cancelled.

So I've got quite a bit to keep me busy. I'm on track budget wise this month and even though I've had quite a few treats for myself this month, I'm doing well.

I've £110 left in my entertainment budget which I'm happy with. I've cut back in a few areas but have still been having fun where we can.. not everything has to cost money.

I'm going out tomorrow with new man friend and we may go for a meal afterwards or I may suggest we cook tea together at his place. I could grab us a couple of steaks and we can have a steak night together. The other nights food was Italian themed so I wonder what other types of food we can make ourselves, should we continue seeing one another. The plan for tomorrow, is to go for a walk around Ingleton falls. I might make up a picnic and ensure I have plenty of drinks available for us as it's a good trek. I think I will struggle with the up hill walk but I'm willing to give it a go. I'll probably ask him to drive but will give contribute to petrol money.

I need to fill up my own car with petrol. I have £25 left in my petrol fund for the month and will probably use the rest of that to see me through to the end of this month/beginning of next month. I've been doing a bit more driving/travelling about but it's the short journeys that eat my petrol. I'm definately going to make the effort to walk to more places.

Within these past few weeks I've made a couple of changes to my lifestyle.

• I've cut down on my binging/snacking.
• I'm eating proper meals more regularly.
• I've upped the amount of exercise I do.
• I've decreased the amount of sugar I was having in hot drinks and cut back on caffeine.
• I've been getting out in the fresh air and sun instead of being cooped up.
• I've condensed the boys activities into less days, freeing up more time.
• I've finally stood up for myself in a number of situations that previously I would just let go.
• I'm becoming stronger and much more confident in myself.
• I'm fighting back against my illness and doing what I can to make myself better.
• I'm reaching out to people and seeking support when required. I'm trying not to bottle things up.
• I've finally made a decision regarding an issue that's been bugging for me for a while. I'm going to look into this and explore all avenues, before deciding which path to take.

I'm changing things for the better. I'm definately taking back control. It's my life and I shall choose how to live it.

Chandelier.

Morning,

These past few days have passed quickly since I last updated. I keep meaning to post more but haven't found the time.

I had a lovely day out at Ingleton falls on Sunday with man friend. He then treated us to a take away and I stopped over.

On Monday my legs were aching from the day before so I had a rest day. I managed to fill out the audition forms for the boy to do this years ice skating show and got them sent off and approved for the upcoming auditions, next week.

On Tuesday I had a life admin day and caught up on what I needed to do. I went to the gym and did a small food shop of some fresh items we needed. I then went and spoke to the boys teacher about some concerns I've had about him. I am looking into this further and exploring what avenues I can take.

Yesterday I went to the gym and met up with a friend afterwards for coffee. My total spends were less than £2 which is a positive. I then picked the boy up from school and took him ice skating.

This morning I've been round to a friends house for a coffee and a catch up. I've decided I'm going to partake in a swim class at my gym. This is a big step for me as I've always been reluctant to do them. I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone a bit here but I need to do this for me.

I've lost another 1.5lb this week, bringing my total weightloss to 7.5lb over these past two weeks which I'm happy with. I feel a lot less bloated. I just need to carry on doing what I'm doing and look at my dietary intake more closely.

I've made an extra payment towards my credit card of £10 bringing my total debt to £550.00. I've set up a direct debit to pay off £30pm and will make overpayments where possible.

I've done well this month with my budget pots and have some funds left over. These will roll over towards next months outgoings/expenses. Although I've treated myself to a few things this month, I am still on target for other things. I've still gone out and enjoyed myself but I've just been a lot more careful and done things which have been free or low cost.

I have quite a few things left to do today which I'm hoping to get done and ticked off the list.

• Phone prescription line for repeat prescription.
• Go to swim class/gym.
• Go to boys ice skating/sort out competition forms.
• Nip to Aldi to pick up a pie for tea.
• Enquire about a refund.

That's pretty much it for now.

Chandelier.

Afternoon,

Yesterday went well. The swim class was fun but hard work.

Today it's been a busy day so far in the Chandelier household. I dropped the boy off at school and then headed straight to the gym. The boy's dad then phoned me regarding getting the boy some football season tickets. It's an offer of six games and a football shirt for £15 which we can't sniff at. Either his dad or his Nanna will take him to the matches as football isn't my thing. They seem to have a few good offers on as the end of the season draws nearer.

I then went home and emptied out my purse and sorted it all out. The amount of receipts were endless but no longer needed. I then went on to open all my post that I've let build up for a while and sorted a few things there.

I'm trying to collate all my credit card accounts and bring them altogether in one space. I need to use some of them a bit more just to keep them active as one of the providers were on about closing down my account. I'll just put the odd transaction on them here and there to tide them over. I'm mostly keeping them open should I ever need further balance/money transfer offers or if I need to use them for other benefits they hold.

I've just taken my car for a wash and hoover out which has cost me £12 but now my car seems a lot more cleaner which makes me happy . I aim to do this every 8 weeks or so as I'm useless at cleaning it myself so think it's money well spent.

Tonight I'm off to the wedding with manfriend. I shall spend the rest of the afternoon sorting myself out for that. I'm a bit nervous if I'm honest but it will be good to get myself out there and meeting new people. I'm driving so I will not be drinking and then I'm staying over at his house. I've withdrawn some cash so should hopefully stick to that budget.

I'm going to put some petrol in my car as it's the beginning of the month and it makes sense to do it now with the journeys I shall be making over the next few days.

As it's the start of the month, all my pots have been updated and funds are where they need to be. Whatever was left over from last month has gone towards this month.

I've made an extra payment towards the CC of £25.00 so the new updated balance is £525.00, which is good. The direct debit will be taken out later in the month.

I've paid the competition fees for the boys ice skating competition which is next month. Apparently there are only three boys who have entered in his age range which made me feel a bit better and more confident for the boy.

Anyway that's pretty much it for today

efes_shareholder

Hi Chandelier , just caught up on your diary
Well done on levels , I need to join the gym but worried I will drop off with the attendances once the novelty wears off

Wishing you a lovely evening at the wedding