Eager Elephant's Exciting Elimination.....

pennywisepoundstupid

Great to see you back posting xx

in_need_of_direction

Now you can completely draw a line under the divorce, it might be easier to move forward on the other issues.

Savvy_Sue

I think too that rather than beating yourself up for NOT having managed to do as well as you'd hoped, you should consider what you HAVE achieved, and also consider what position you'd be in if you had NOT decided to end your marriage.

I'd be surprised if you don't realise that you would be in a worse position with him than you are without him ...

HairyHandofDartmoor

Lovely to hear from you and good news that the divorce is nearly final .

Hopefully the closure from the divorce will get your head in the right place to tackle the debts.

Eager_Elephant

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Just sorting out the clean break consent order also so its all full steam ahead.

Eager_Elephant

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

Hope you can get the finances sorted too. Is that all sorted out between the two of you - no house/pensions etc to battle over?
Are you getting maintenance for dd?

Consent order getting sorted now, we have no assets except pensions, they are worth roughly the same so I have asked that we don't touch each others and he should agree as he has a Civil Service pension that he wont want me to touch (not worth loads but enough that he wont want me getting it)

No maintenance for DD, we have an odd set up - she stays with him during the week and me at weekends.
I used to get Child Benefit for her and she would be given this as part of her pocket money but last month I gave it up and he has claimed it as he quit his job in September and has had to claim benefits so he needs that to do so.
That money will still be given to her each month to buy all her stuff with.

On the subject of quitting his job - his mental health is so poor still but now he has anxiety and doesn't leave the house.
I am still being my supportive self:A

*Robin*

Hello EE, :hello:

Great to read of lots more positives in your life now [compared to the miasma around your heartache over whether your marriage was over - which is the point you were at when I dropped off the MSE wagon].

Onwards and upwards - hope your dog is still doing well?

Eager_Elephant

Well that was a very short return....

Life just seemed to get in the way and now here I am at the end of Jan 2020 and nothing much has changed.

Divorce still not sorted, consent order went to the judge at the start of January so it is literally any day now this should be approved and then I will apply for my absolute.

I am no longer my usual supportive self to STBEXH as he started harassing and stalking me and I have been so close to calling the police but haven't because it will harm his job prospects (at the moment I will stay on here under my same name but he knows my details and if he follows me I will start again under a new name).
Instead I have put in place boundaries that he hates and he is blocked on most things and is only allowed to text me if it is important., if he starts on unimportant stuff then I tell him to stop and then ignore him if he continued.
He is under mental health support but they are not much help too be honest.
DD is currently with me and has been since end of December - it has affected my work and everything but we are muddling through together.

Still in loads of debt but have realised this cannot continue and have decided to default on all my debts except my current overdraft and a credit card with my bank, my minimum payments had reached over £300pm so I ended up having to borrow from my son to get through the month which isn't fair as he is a Uni student.
So from February there is no more debt and no way of getting into further debt so I will have to live on the money I have coming in.

I have letters written to all my debts but need to post them. I am off sick since the start of the week so a short walk to the post box will do me good.

My next post will be my debt totals.....

Here's to a great 2020 and beyond:j:j

Eager_Elephant

Debts as at 29/1/20:

Paypal - £1821.97
Halifax - £2982.61
Vanquis - £1741.13
Aqua - £1064.84
Link - £6971.11
Santander - £1029.11
Santander O/D - £1850

Total - £17460.77 which doesn't include money owed to my son which I will work out and post shortly.

The top 4 will default in the next week so balances may increase slightly.
Link defaulted years ago and get £5pm.
The other two are with my current bank and I will keep them going for now.

beanielou

Would you maybe be best to open a new bank account & just start agan.

Sorry to read about STBEXH :mad: