Fake Equity release ?

AdrianC

lookstraightahead wrote: »

She gave £500 to one child and £1500 to the other, asking that it be given to the grandchildren, if possible.

So it really was "£1,500 to M and £500 to N" - you do understand how and why that's very different to "£500 each to W/X/Y/Z"?

AnotherJoe

AdrianC wrote: »

A has two children, M and N.
M has three children, W/X/Y
N has one child, Z

A leaves £500 to each of W/X/Y/Z. You can see how that could be perceived as "£1,500 to M's family, only £500 to N's".

Well, no i cant since it wasn't given to M's "family" (since that woudl have to include M benefitting from it) but to the grandchildren individually. And its not not what the OP said. They said it was 3:1 in favour of one child. Whereas in fact all four grandchildren received equal shares and the children got nothing.



If someone gave money to one of your kids would you deem that money as yours? I hope not.

lookstraightahead

AdrianC wrote: »

So it really was "£1,500 to M and £500 to N" - you do understand how and why that's very different to "£500 each to W/X/Y/Z"?

I understand exactly thanks.

lookstraightahead

AnotherJoe wrote: »

Well, no i cant since it wasn't given to M's "family" (since that woudl have to include M benefitting from it) but to the grandchildren individually. And its not not what the OP said. They said it was 3:1 in favour of one child. Whereas in fact all four grandchildren received equal shares and the children got nothing.



If someone gave money to one of your kids would you deem that money as yours? I hope not.

I think people who leave inheritances need to think very carefully about leaving all their money to grandchildren when one of their children may not have any children or fewer than the other one. Although of course it's up to them.

Brum2312

lookstraightahead wrote: »

Anyway back to op, let us know how meeting goes.

Howdy boys and girls


Just an update, I had dinner with my sister this evening and we have come up with a plan of action. We are in agreement on how we shall proceed.

I'll happily take any comments/criticism of our plan and gladly talk it through with your random anonymous people!


So my sister is equally as hurt by this deceitful approach my parents and brother have taken. We are both reasonable level headed types and we aren't out to "get" anyone HOWEVER... we can't continue like this. It is eating away at us.



As pointed out many times in this thread, and through many scenarios I haven't even told you guys about over the course of my 33 years on this earth. My sister and I are essentially propping up our parents lives in order to shelter them from the normal issues of getting old. They clearly have no intention of offering us the same consideration, instead take us for fools which we have been up until now.



We don't want a huge family argument, on the contrary and we aren't going to have one. I am almost certain our parents will take our financial advice verbatim, partially out of their own ignorance, and partially because that's just the way our family dynamics work. We are going to strongly suggest they release as much equity in their home as possible.


If I'm being brutally honest they retired too young anyway and should have continued to work to prevent this situation. It's not nice to talk about really, but if we inherited our parents estate today we would reasonably expect 150k split 3 ways. My sister and I don't want/need this inheritance, we would rather be rid of the strings that come with having 2 financially dependents parents on us and a family of 7 by proxy. We will also realistically be financially better off if they spend their own equity, rather than us chipping into their lives every month.



This will hopefully allow us to take a step back and maybe time will heal these wounds, but I for one will certainly not forget if in 5-10 or 20 years time they are need financial help again I wont make the same mistake again. Perhaps if the situation were dire I would buy/rent them a place to live in for free. I won't allow them to control the money I give them as they clearly aren't capable of doing it in a way that doesn't cause me to lose sleep at night.


Maybe I'm being selfish? To be honest I feel as though I have been entirely unselfish for years and this has got us into this situation. A little bit of tough love is required to at least make me feel better, hopefully it will help the situation overall.



As for my brother and his wife, whilst I am furious, I am not surprised in anyway. My sister initially wanted to talk to him first and see if we can win him round to this idea. My view is that it is pointless, as he would literally do anything to scrounge money. So he will be entirely on board with this idea, and by letting him in on the idea he will then cause a family drama when it suits him. He doesn't have our parents interests at heart, only himself and maybe on a good day his kids.


I have no doubt my brother will benefit hugely from my parents suddenly being cash rich. My sister and I will do our best to school our parents in how to invest/save their money wisely. We are no expert but hey I may ask you guys for some advice. They have never had money so it will be a learning curve for them. If they chose to spend it all in a year on holidays then good for them. I'd greatly prefer that to my scroungy brother giving up work and living off of them which I suspect is well within the realms of possibilities.



Happy new year everyone!

BrassicWoman

I think the money will go quickly to sibling. Then they’ve no equity no savings and no income so are worse off. And then that will be your fault.

They are adults but while you treat them like children you’ll always be their parent.

For your own mental health I’d avoid this plan and take a step back. You can’t control other people but you can control yourself and your reactions.

Lurkingtoposting17

Taking a step back from this situation would be asking your parents for honesty, explaining why you and your sister feel betrayed, and then removing financial support and then leaving them to make their own decisions about how they then choose to fund their lifestyle.

What your proposed plan does is throw dynamite as a situation since you say you know they aren’t financially savvy enough to understand their actions whilst you plan to walk away.

Remove support and leave it to them to work it out. They are adults and frankly if you and your sister keep offering support and meddling then you will be kept awake at night. Stop it.

Pixie5740

Brum2312 wrote: »

Howdy boys and girls


Just an update, I had dinner with my sister this evening and we have come up with a plan of action. We are in agreement on how we shall proceed.

I'll happily take any comments/criticism of our plan and gladly talk it through with your random anonymous people!


So my sister is equally as hurt by this deceitful approach my parents and brother have taken. We are both reasonable level headed types and we aren't out to "get" anyone HOWEVER... we can't continue like this. It is eating away at us.



As pointed out many times in this thread, and through many scenarios I haven't even told you guys about over the course of my 33 years on this earth. My sister and I are essentially propping up our parents lives in order to shelter them from the normal issues of getting old. They clearly have no intention of offering us the same consideration, instead take us for fools which we have been up until now.



We don't want a huge family argument, on the contrary and we aren't going to have one. I am almost certain our parents will take our financial advice verbatim, partially out of their own ignorance, and partially because that's just the way our family dynamics work. We are going to strongly suggest they release as much equity in their home as possible.


If I'm being brutally honest they retired too young anyway and should have continued to work to prevent this situation. It's not nice to talk about really, but if we inherited our parents estate today we would reasonably expect 150k split 3 ways. My sister and I don't want/need this inheritance, we would rather be rid of the strings that come with having 2 financially dependents parents on us and a family of 7 by proxy. We will also realistically be financially better off if they spend their own equity, rather than us chipping into their lives every month.



This will hopefully allow us to take a step back and maybe time will heal these wounds, but I for one will certainly not forget if in 5-10 or 20 years time they are need financial help again I wont make the same mistake again. Perhaps if the situation were dire I would buy/rent them a place to live in for free. I won't allow them to control the money I give them as they clearly aren't capable of doing it in a way that doesn't cause me to lose sleep at night.


Maybe I'm being selfish? To be honest I feel as though I have been entirely unselfish for years and this has got us into this situation. A little bit of tough love is required to at least make me feel better, hopefully it will help the situation overall.



As for my brother and his wife, whilst I am furious, I am not surprised in anyway. My sister initially wanted to talk to him first and see if we can win him round to this idea. My view is that it is pointless, as he would literally do anything to scrounge money. So he will be entirely on board with this idea, and by letting him in on the idea he will then cause a family drama when it suits him. He doesn't have our parents interests at heart, only himself and maybe on a good day his kids.


I have no doubt my brother will benefit hugely from my parents suddenly being cash rich. My sister and I will do our best to school our parents in how to invest/save their money wisely. We are no expert but hey I may ask you guys for some advice. They have never had money so it will be a learning curve for them. If they chose to spend it all in a year on holidays then good for them. I'd greatly prefer that to my scroungy brother giving up work and living off of them which I suspect is well within the realms of possibilities.



Happy new year everyone!

I think advising your parents to use equity release sounds nasty and spiteful. Sit down and talk to your parents. Withdraw/reduce your financial support if you wish but don't encourage them into making what could be a very poor financial decision. Your parents are adults so treat them like adults and stop trying to parent them.

I think this thread really belongs on the Marriages and Relationships board now.

Sea_Shell

I can see why you'd want to do that...I really do, and don't blame you, but I think to actively suggest ER (and help them arrange it even) is taking it a bit too far.

I agree with the others. By all means tell them that option may be available to them if they are struggling, but also explain the negatives, but at the same time, withdraw your monthly support of £££.

I can see this happening to me in the future...and i'm trying to take a back-seat already in the "family" finances, as my parents are currently in the "spend all our money on the needy adult child and their family" phase, and i'm sure their money won't last much longer!!

When it all crashes around their ears, which it most probably will, in time...guess who'll they'll turn to next (or try too!) My DH has already said they can go whistle!! As to be fair, most of our savings have come from his hard work and good jobs over the years, so he doesn't see why it should go to supporting my family (and I agree)

We, as adults, all make decisions as to how to spend/save our money, and if other people make bad choices or life decisions, they need to live with that.

Good luck and I hope you can resolve this without relationships breaking down, but it's hard when money can be such an emotive and divisive thing. Especially if you "have" and they "have-not".

Red-Squirrel_2

Like others, I can see why you are tempted to push them into ER. You say 'look, enough cash to last you the rest of your lives, now no more from me and you get on with it.'

In reality, this will backfire in every way. The cash will be gone in a decade, maybe less, lots of it probably on your brother's family. Then, when your parents are even older, still no more financially astute but completely broke without even any equity in their home, you will feel responsible. The worst of it is, at that point you really will be partly responsible because you pushed them towards a course of action you 100% knew they wouldn't be able to manage well. You will find it hard to just look the other way.


I agree with lurkingtoposting17, you should just cut them off from your cash at this point, while they have options and while it is still possible for them to learn to manage their money. They have savings, they have equity. You could point them towards Age UK for support in how to do it rather than handouts.

Maybe they have just got lazy knowing they can rely on you? After all they managed to bring up three children (two of whom have their heads screwed on), buy a house, keep the house, accumulate over 20k in savings etc. Maybe cut loose they are capable of pulling it together if they truly no there will be no more bailouts?